20-Something Peter Pan
That's me. And I'm proud of it. I never want to grow up! I may have adult responsibilities, but I'm no grownup. Grownups are fuddy duddies. I know people that are my age that are grownups, but I know people in their 40's who haven't grown up yet. That's how I hope to be. I went home to be with my family last weekend. I never turn down an opportunity to go to the lake and waterski. My cousin is 13, we've always been very close. I remember years ago when my sister got married (I was 17 at the time), my cousin announced that my sister was a grown up. As I sat at the kid table at Thanksgiving, I longed to be a grownup. What did I have to do to become a grownup?
Now, I've realized its not all its cracked up to be. Grownups sit with other grownups and have grownup conversations. You know, politics, religion, and the weather. I'll stick with the kid table where we can get away with throwing food (not really, we get caught, but then we blame it on the youngest one.)
Yeah, so I've decided to never grow up. Back to last weekend... as I was splashing around with my cousins and their friends in the lake, not a one of them over 13, they commented on how I wasn't a grownup. They said I was too weird to be a grownup. Oh well. When I was 21, my cousin said that you became a grownup when you got married. I tried to make sense of it. That means my sister was a grownup at 19, but my aunt didn't become a grownup until she was 32. Hm... my sister was grownup in 1999, whereas my aunt didn't grow up until 2000. Amazing.
So, if I want to stay a kid forever (anyone else hearing the Toys R Us theme song?), all I have to do is avoid marriage? I doubt its that easy. I've met some single grownups. I think it comes from bitterness and a lack of a sense of humor. You've officially become an old fart when you can't laugh at yourself.
In the meantime, I'll continue in my immaturity. Perfectly happy. After all, things could always be worse...
What's not to love about Frank?
Yes... I love him. Frank, that is. I find him soothing. I listen to him while in traffic, at work, or even just chilling. He's perfect for all occasions. I fell in love with him the first time I saw Guys and Dolls. And he is forever in my heart.
My uncle suggested this is the reason old men like me. Yes, old men... as in any man over the age of 35. I didn't realize that Frank was a singer for single men over 35 only. Why didn't anyone tell me before I fell in love with him?
Besides Frank, I'm also a big fan of Gene Kelly, Bing Crosby, Howard Keel, and Debbie Reynolds.
Yes, my first childhood crush was on Benjamin (Jeff Richards) from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Actually, my older sister and I would fight over him. I insisted that I was Darkess (the girl pictured here). Where my sister always told me I had to be Sarah and marry Frank.
Big sister suck like that. I mean, I never saw Sarah in anything but Seven Brides, whereas Darkess became Cat Woman in Batman. How cool is that?!
Yes, so I was brought up to love fictional characters. Not just any fictional characters, but fictional characters played by actors that were at least 60 years my senior. I guess my mom thought it was safer that way. Most likely. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find a poster of Jeff Richards in 1990... you know, before Al Gore invented the internet. I never got one. But I managed to survive and move on to New Kids on the Block and MC Hammer. Aw... those were the days.
Blue Balls Won't Kill You!
As odd as it sounds, its absolutely true. My roommate and I were talking yesterday about men and dating. Everytime I've really dated a guy, he's tried to go farther than I would like, and then he acts as though I'm asking the world of him when I tell him to stop. Celibacy isn't a fatal disease, you won't die from it! Actually its quite the opposite. Its not the NOT having sex that will kill you, its the having of sex that will kill you. I'm at no risk for AIDS or any STDs. Its wonderful! And believe it or not, if I die tomorrow or in 80 years, I can guarantee its not the lack of sex that will kill me.
Guys always claim they're different. They have different needs. The
whole-men-are-from-mars-and-women-are-from-Venus excuse. Yeah, whatever. Do you think I'm not horny every now and then? That I don't long to be held when I go to bed at night? I could just settle for a cuddle buddy and a friend with benefits, but that's not what I want. Like Carried said in Sex and the City,
"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,
can't-live-without-each-other love."I don't want a one night stand, I want forever. I want someone that I can't live without. I want someone that will be my whole world and I'll be his. Yes, every now and then I would love a NCMO, but where does that leave me? Still horny and all alone. I want to be loved. Have I ever been in love? I don't know. Once I thought I was, but it ended. Sometimes I lie awake at night wondering if I'll be alone forever. I never thought I'd be where I am now. My friends used to tell me to enjoy the single life, its all over once you get married. They aren't saying that anymore. They're too busy setting me up with every semi-decent guy under the age of 45. Yeah, and my mom's 46. I'm sick of being alone. I want someone to care if I wake up in the morning. Don't I deserve that?
I went to the opera last night with my roommate, because we're artsy like that. We began talking about my date from the other night. Yeah, it turns out 35-guy isn't so much 35. We actually have no idea how old he is. Her guess: 38. Yeah, that's old. He was a teenager when I was born! I mean, if blue balls could kill, he'd definitely be dead. I haven't heard from him. I guess that's to be expected. I mean, it wasn't a great date in my book.
I talked to quite a few of my friends about the whole "checking out" problem he had. My guy friends claim its not a big deal, that guys do it all the time, the girls say... drop him. Talk about a clash of the sexes. Guys believe its acceptable, girls believe its not just socially unacceptable, its just plain
wrong.
After the date, I found it hard to sleep. I kept thinking of how my life would be if I ended up with someone that constantly looked at other women. Would I ever be able to trust him? Would I ever be enough for him? I decided that I can't go through life that way. I can't handle being ignored everytime a pretty girl walks by. I want to be his everything. The one he can't take his eyes off of. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps, but I don't want to settle for less and I don't think I should have to.
Its hard to catch my breath
Yesterday was such a long day. In the end, I was just glad to see it end. Work was normal. I got hit on by every black guy within a mile radius of me. I went to the gym where I was frustrated because of my immobile wrists. My trainer just fueled my frustration. I had so much to do, I just couldn't stop and breath.
On my way home from the gym, I listened to my voicemails. My mom had called saying that my childhood cat died. I cried. What else am I supposed to do? I hate that I wasn't there to say goodbye. We've had her since she was 6 weeks old and now she's gone. She was only 12 years old. It came as a shock to all of us. My sister took her to the vet Monday and it looked good, then all of a sudden she crashed and then she was gone. My mom said it was horrific to watch. Of all of our cats, Tammy was the meanest. She didn't liked to be touched and would try to bite you if you tried. But she was the protector. She watched over the house and my mom and baby brother. When my stepdad became abusive, she pooped all over his clothes. She was so smart. I never knew cats could be so smart. She could open doors and turn on lights. One time she got locked in our basement for a few days and when we found her, she had refused to pee or poop on the floor and had used the sink instead. So smart. She was beautiful as well. She also was my mom and baby brother's favorite. She always tried to get into the house. She succeeded quite a few times. When she did, my mom would run around the house looking under all the furniture yelling, "Tammy, where are you?" So now everytime one of us looks under a bed or gets on our hands and knees, my brother starts saying, "Ta-mmy, where aa-rre you?" Its completely adorable. He won't be able to understand that she's gone so I'm sure he'll continue to do it. He always chased her around the backyard, trying to pet her. I don't know why she was his favorite, but she was. She always ran from him and tried to bite him most of the time, but he persisted and refused to be swayed by our other oh-so-nice cats. I feel horrible that I've never been with my mom when she's put down any of our animals. I've never watched death. I think its too much of a grownup thing. I know you all are probably bored to tears by this. I'm sorry. But she was family and now she's gone.
Yeah, so after getting the news that Tammy died, I wasn't exactly excited for my date. I had to run my roommate around since her car died and then I had to visit a girl from church. By the time I got home, it was 7:45pm and he had already arrived. I was still in my gym clothes. Yeah, so I hustled and got ready in 10 minutes (impressive if you ask me). We went to dinner at TGIFridays. We were just talking but I was continually annoyed because he checked out every girl that walked by our table. No wonder the guy is still single at 35! It totally drove me crazy! I doubt he even realized he was doing it, but it must have happened at least half a dozen times or more. He flattered me but didn't show it in how he treated me. He didn't open doors for me (which honestly isn't a big deal... but I find it impressive when a guys does do it) and then he didn't have much of a plan. After dinner we just went to his place and played cards. He hadn't even cleaned his place. I've never seen such a barren fridge in my life! You know, I like him but the whole checking out other girls thing really got to me. Could I handle that for the rest of my life? No. Definitely not.
At the end of the night, he walked me to the door and I just said thanks and that was that. He didn't attempt anything (which I was afraid he would). So, I've been talking to my coworkers about the whole date, and they insist that he was checking out other girls because of his insecurities, it had nothing to do with me. I just don't know. He's a nice guy, but he got a C- on the date last night. Even if we don't go out again, I feel like he needs some coaching in the dating department. Yeah, he needs a guy like Hitch. Maybe I can help him. No more of this checking out other girls stuff. It makes me feel like crap. Thanks. Yeah, I'm usually a girl that doesn't hold my tongue, but last night I didn't comment on the checking out thing and now I wish I had. Maybe next time... if there is a next time. Oh well.
As my mom always says, "Life sucks then you die." Too true.
My weekend and update
I always come out of the weekend more tired than I went into it. And boy, was it a long weekend. I got a little down and out about things, so do you know what I did to perk myself up? Go shoe shopping. How horrible am I?! Yes, I bought not one or two pairs... but
FIVE. Yes, I have now officially ran out of shoe storage space. But I just couldn't help myself! How could I turn down a pair of green Nine west pumps with a 3 inch heel? And only for $25! Yeah... they're kinda like the ones here but in a forest green.
Besides that, 35-guy finally asked me out. I hadn't heard from him in over a week, but he said that he had attempted but I was never home (which is a good excuse because I never am and I never gave him my cell number). So, we're going out to dinner tonight. I don't want to get my hopes up. To be honest, I'm totally excited but I don't want to look it. After all, my roommate has already dated him and when I told her I was going out with him, I was surprised that she congratulated me. And then said she'd hurt him if he did anything to me. What a good roommate. More like a big sister actually. So, I'll report back on how the date goes. He was so cute when he asked me. We were chatting on the phone and he says, "So... I wanna ask you on a date date." It was very sweet. I'm assuming we're going to dinner because he said, "Bring your appetite." Yes, he's a big flirt, so it should be a fun time. But I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'm thinking of it as a pity date. As in, he took pity on me. We'll just have to wait and see.
After my last relationship, I've decided that I don't kiss until the third date. Funny, when I was younger, I would wait
months. Yeah, no wonder I never had a boyfriend in high school. I'd date a guy for a month and he'd get bored with me. It wasn't until college I gave up on that one. But then I went the opposite direction. I'd kiss a guy before I even had figured out if I liked him. No more of that. I'm a changed woman. I mean, I haven't been on a date in 6 months. I'm turning a new leaf. And I'm gonna stick to it.
Yeah, Desperate Housewives season finale. Lame. I think I'm going to drop it next season.
I almost peed my pants!
Yeah, I did... almost! I put a message on the a listserv that a couple of friends are on saying the following:
Let's just say that you, theoretically, have a wrist splint on each hand for a
very uncool reason... what's the coolest story (lie) you can come up with for
explaining your current theoretically ridiculous looking situation?
Theoretically, of course. Best story will get a prize... I dunno what, but I'm
sure I'll come up with something.
So, I've gotten a few responses. The following being the most amusing (wish I knew the guy... if he's hott, I'm totally marrying him!)
Here's a few ideas for openers for you:
So there I was, falling from the
helicopter, when I reached out and grabbed the edge of the Capitol dome with
both hands...
So there I was, on the sidelines, high-fiving every one of
the Baltimore Ravens on their way to the locker room...
So there I was, watching a gorgeous guy jog right by, and not wanting to let the opportunity go, (you know, 'carpe diem'), I grabbed him by both shoulders and yanked him back, yelling "Mine!"...
So there I was, knowing that I shouldn't be embarassed, that even the strongest Jedis get a little 'light-saber wrist'...
So there I was, three tugs away from breaking the county cow-milking
competition...
So there I was, with two brand new bionic cyberwrists, which I couldn't use yet because they needed 4 weeks to bio-integrate...
So there I was, handcuffed inside the Buried Water Trap of Death, having
successfully removed the chains and defeated the pirahnas, and running out of
air. I knew I had to get out of those cuffs quickly...
So there I was, swing dancing with Vin Diesel...
So there I was, rolling back the last of the beached whales into the sea, still no help in sight...
Yeah... I almost peed my pants! I read a few aloud to people at work. I was crying it was so funny! You wanna see something even more funny? Here's the keyboard the IT guy suggested I get:
http://www.safetype.com/index.asp I have a feeling that will take some getting used to. Also, its like $200, so I'm not sure my company would be up for that. I've turned out to be a liability to my company! EEK!
So, here it is... very unexciting. I have Ulnar Tunnel. On both hands. How uncool am I? Yeah, I look absolutely ridiculous! Honestly, if I saw someone with wrist splints on both hands, I would make fun of them, because I'm nice like that. Yeah, so I'm ready for my friends to never let me live it down. No pictures please! I'm investing in long sleeves for the next couple of weeks. UGH!
Oh, any ideas what I should give the guy for his prize? Do you think my prize winning cookies will do it? Or should I offer a NCMO? hehe.
Busy busy busy
Today is super busy! I haven't had a free moment yet today... its driving me crazy! So, I get to work at 7 only to find out the server is down so I can't do any work. I ended up shredding documents for over an hour waiting for it to be fixed. UGH! What a waste... I could've gotten another hour of sleep. But wouldn't you know that since the server was down, I'm runnning behind AND I have to leave work early to go to the doctor. I hate doctors. I don't hate them necessarily, I love them... as in I'd love to marry one. I hate going to the doctor all by myself. Being a grownup sucks!
I think a guy from the next office over is hitting on me. I'm not good at telling these things. He talks to me all the time, and then he sent me what I thought was a flirty email but I'm not sure. Sometimes I wish guys came with an instruction manual so I could figure out how to read them. Ugh!
My secret obsession
Shh.... don't tell. Every Wednesday night I shut my blinds, lock my door, and .... watch America's Next Top Model. Yes, I know its trash! Yes, I know that Tyra is
terribly annoying. But I love it! I know I'm not alone because I was talking to my aunt only to find out that ANTM was her guilty pleasure as well! I promise I'm not obsessed with TV! I don't park my butt in front of the TV for long periods of time, I'm an active, social 20-something. But I must watch ANTM. Its not because I'm bored or uneducated. I just like it. But
PLEASE, don't tell me mother!
So, I've been pondering the whole "online dating" thing lately. I'm not desperate, not yet at least. But I've noticed that many of my friends are having great success with it. I have 2 friends from high school that met guys online and married them! And now, my best gal pal has a boyfriend in Atlanta that she met online. I've always been very cynical about online dating. To be honest, I thought it was only for desperate, ugly, fat women who couldn't get a date because guys rejected them before getting to know them. However, I've come to think its not like that anymore. There are smart, attractive women out there looking for a prince charming. Where is he?
I was talking to my best gal pal a few weeks ago on this subject. I couldn't help but ask if she would have been attracted to him if they had met over normal circumstances? Her answer: No. To be honest, I didn't think she'd admit to it, but she did. He's outgoing, she's shy, plus his pictures were somewhat deceiving. But they talked on the phone constantly so when they met for the first time
3 months after initial contact, she knew him well enough that none of the physical stuff mattered. However, what if the shoe had been on the other foot? What if her picture had been deceiving? Would he have been as prone to keeping her? I doubt it.
The depths of despair
I know its not normal to get attached to fictional characters, but I can't help myself. So, last night when Denny died on Grey's Anatomy, I cried. I sobbed. I loved him! The other girls I was watching with were actually happy he died. I can't imagine why! He was my ideal, except for the whole dying thing... and he's a little old for me. But still. I'm going to miss Denny. Call me crazy but I'd take Denny over McDreamy.
I'm ticked that the season is over. Why do they get the summer off? I still want to watch. How am I supposed to last all summer long without Grey's? I'm emotionally attached to all these characters. As Izzie said, "I'll never forgive you for making me love you!" *sniff sniff*... yes, I cried. And I continue to cry.
You know what I hate? People who talk through movie's or important shows. Or, even worse, people who mock what's going on in the program. Yeah, I almost took out my roommate last night because she kept mocking Grey's. NO ONE mocks Grey's. Grey's is sacred. Mock Desperate Housewives all you want, but don't mess with Grey's.
I'm not a freak. I don't normally get that attached to TV shows, but Grey's is different. Of all the shows I watch, I can't ever miss Grey's. Its the only show I watch live (everything else I record on the DVR and watch at my leisure). What am I supposed to do on Sunday nights now?
My devastation
Because I'm a dork, I put in a blog counter so I know you've been looking at my blog. Yes, YOU! I'm fine with that. I don't think I'm very amusing, but if you find me in any way amusing, bonus!
My DVR didn't record last night's Grey's Anatomy. I was on the phone with my brother so I didn't notice until it was half way over. Words cannot adequately describe my despair. Luckily, Kelli filled me in on the missed details and I just got word from her that they are re-airing it tonight before the 2-hour finale. Yes, this means I will be parking my butt in front of the TV for 3 hours this evening. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself!
The weekend was fun. No one was there to greet me when I arrived. Bummer. I ended up sitting around my house for 2 hours waiting for someone to come home. Saturday we drove to my aunt's house in Lynchburg and had a Mother's Day dinner. It was fun seeing my cousins. I'm actually looking forward to Memorial Day with the fam. You know what I'm in desperate need of? A tan.... and a new bathing suit. I think I'm going to break down and buy a swimsuit online because I'm so cool. And I might breakdown and buy some tanning sessions because I can't stand my stark whiteness. Call me vain. Whatever.
My sister and her hubby are living with my mom for awhile (they aren't deadbeats, he's in med school and is doing a rotation there). So, my sister is enjoying having all the help with the new baby. Did I mention that I have a 2 year old brother? Well, I do. So, the house was LOUD! My sister with her screaming baby (he's cute but he screams) and my mom with Jammers that doesn't yet know how to do anything but yell. I love my baby brother Jammers more than I can express.
He's taken to calling everyone "Honey" (that's totally acceptable since we're in the South). Whenever he got upset, he'd walk around saying, "what, honey? what, honey?" Then he would throw something and say, "What did you do?" Kids are so amusing. I might have one afterall. But I guess the whole man thing would have to come first. Details details...
Confession: When I get bored at work, I look at shoes on the internet. Not just any shoes either. Terribly expensive shoes that I could never afford. Like these:
Yes, I spend my days lusting after the shoes of the wealthy, while I shop at DSW. I realize I have a shoe addiction but I've gotten it under control in the past few years. How? I've given myself a spending limit. I never pay more than $30 for a pair of shoes. Sound impossible? It isn't. My 50 pairs of shoes are proof of it! That's why I love DSW clearance. So, the next time you find yourself gazing at a pair of shoes longingly, knowing that you could take care of them better and appreciate them more than any of those rich women or wealthy cross-dressing men, think of me. You aren't alone.
raining... ticked... in a parking lot
I had a rough day yesterday, yelled at everyone. Yeah, I was dying to speak to someone whose native language was English! I was lost, looking for an Advanced Auto so I could get a new windshield wiper because one of mine busted. It was raining, hard, so I had to use my windshield wipers and the broken one was scratching my windshield. Yeah, I was ticked. So, I called Advanced Auto and asked for directions, they were no help. They might have been if I could've understood ONE WORD they said! I ended up driving around parking lots for 45 minutes in the rain until I finally found them on my own. So, instead of going to the gym, I bought a windshield wiper.... but I needed to workout because I felt like punching someone. But I didn't. $19 for a winshield wiper seemed a bit much, but its beautiful! Its actually much better than the cheaper one I have on the driver's side. When that one breaks I'll buy the nicer one to match.
I went out to eat with my friend Erin, but there was no parking near the restaurant. And since she's doesn't live around me, she wasn't used to making illegal U-turns at the drop of a pin. I knew I should've driven! UGH! I was already frustrated from my earlier fiasco so I managed to yell at just about everyone within a 50 foot radius (the windows were down so they definitely heard me... and I feel no remorse... if they are being stupid, it is my right to point out their stupidity and lay on the horn).
Last night was movie night. It always is. Every Thursday a bunch of the girls come over and we watch a chick flick. We figure we need to get our fix before we spend our weekend out trying to get guys. Also, this way no guy of ours will ever have to sit through a recently released chick flick just because. Nope. I take care of the girls. Netflix is wonderful! So, last night it was Anne of Green Gables. A fabulously LONG movie. It didn't end until almost 11!
Another note, 35-guy hasn't called or emailed me in over a week. Perhaps I misjudged him. Oh well. His loss, right?
I'm having a much better day today. Probably because I started it off right. With Michael Buble and what's below. Love it, love it, love it! Its Bloody Cold!
I loved this! Just had to share it!
Drama Queen?
Last night I went out to dinner with my friend Erin and then returned to my house to watch the line up. The ever important line up! Gilmore Girls (thank goodness for DVR), America's Next Top Model, and LOST. I couldn't miss a single one of them.
Well, as we were talking she commented on my dramatic lifestyle. I know I'm dramatic but do I make everyone think my life is nothing but drama? I mean, I have the most boring job in the world, I haven't been on a date in .... what year is it? Since December. Honestly, what she calls "drama" is me complaining about my broken windshield wiper. Yes, there's always something not right in my life, but isn't everyone like that?
Oh, but exciting! My roommate from my sophomore year of college just called me out of the blue yesterday. I haven't talked to her in years (yes, I'm a bad friend). Turns out she's moved right next to my home town and is working as a college professor. Weird, huh? I mean, professors are serious grownups. But on the upside, she wants me to apply for her old job in DC! It sounds like an amazing position, so I'm excited to see if anything comes of it.
I was seriously impressed that my old roomie called me. Once I haven't talked to someone for an extended period of time, I feel like I can't call them anymore. I mean, its not like I've forgotten them, but if I were to call them, they'd feel neglected and I'd have to apologize and play catch up, and then they'd think I was being stupid. Yeah, I've noticed that guys don't have this problem. They won't talk to a friend for 10 years, and then they want something outta the guy and they just call them up. I could never do that! I don't want my friends to think I'm using them (although I
really want to). I guess its kinda a double standard. I don't mind when old friends call me up and need something, but I could never do it. I'm horrible.
Last night I was uncontrollable. I got a bad case of the giggles. I was over at my friend Mary's house and there was a new guy I'd never met, thus I had to act like a complete and utter moron. I was fine most of the evening but then 9:00 hit and I just lost it. He would just look at me and I would go into laughing hysterics. I'd get myself calmed down and then my roommate would look at me and I'd lose it again. I knew I was being ridiculous but I couldn't stop myself. Cute guy will probably never talk to me again.
I guess it didn't help when I stuck my tongue out at him. Can anyone actually look attractive while sticking their tongue? I sure don't. Yeah, Frank.... he was cute. I'll probably never see him again so it doesn't really matter. Also, at one point he mentioned his divorce being final, but I couldn't figure out if he was just kidding or if he was serious. He's only 27, but he acted as though I was like 18. I hate that. He and I got into a few heated discussions throughout the night, I think I lost every single one. I'm not used to that.
Well, the weekend was uneventful. I washed my car BY HAND on Saturday, only to wake up on Sunday and it was filthy again. I hate that I have to park under trees. It dumps pollen and little seed thingies all over my car... and birds hang out in the trees so my car is always covered in bird crap. I hate that.
This is officially the most boring blog EVER! I guess this just goes to show how truly boring my life is. I have a phone interview this afternoon for a new job so keep your fingers crossed!
Who knew a corpse could walk?
Is it wrong to look for a new job while acting as though you are happy in your current one? Well, that's what I'm doing. My resume is out making its rounds and will hopefully result in an interview. Anywhere. but. here. 99% of my job is sitting around and doing absolutely nothing. Yeah, I know some people might think that this is the perfect job for that reason; however, not me. Do you know how slowly the day goes by when there's nothing to do? I mean, I obviously have a computer... but surfing the net is only amusing for so long. Yeah, so all-in-all, I'm bored.
I love Thursdays. Every Thursday night I have a bunch of girls over for Movie Night. Its a tradition we came up with months ago. Nothing but girls and chick flicks. The theory behind the whole thing is that we're trying to get the chick flicks out of the way before the weekend so we can actually go out on dates (which we don't... but the idea is there). Last night I had a record showing of 14 girls! That's quite a crowd for my little townhouse. We were watching Bride and Prejudice, a funny movie based on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I LOVED IT! It was SO funny. I highly recommend it. So throughout the movie we all were on the edge of our seats, waiting for the big kiss.... and it never came. (Sorry to ruin the movie for you). As it turns out, the main actress in the movie is a traditional Indian and doesn't believe in kissing before marriage. Yeah, I feel like a skank!
Okay, I'm not a skank, just so you know. I've kissed two guys. That's not a lot. I guess you could say I was picky, except for the second guy.... he was horrible. He's the perfect example of who NOT to go out with when you are desperate. He's the type that takes advantage of the situation. It was fun for awhile but ended worse than.... than.... anything I've ever experienced. What it came down to was 1) he was REALLY looking for marriage and I wasn't, 2)he was insensitive and judgemental, 3)he had no self confidence, 4)he was socially awkward, and 5)he was a HUGE dork that turned out to be a jerk as well. He was my attempt to break the mold.
My mom told me when I was young to date the nerds because they'll adore you, they'll never cheat on you, and they'll be plenty wealthy. I had never tried it before I dated The Corpse. Yes, I loving refer to him as The Corpse. You might think this is a little harsh, but its not.
The Corpse and I met at church. I was new in the area and hadn't been on a date in almost 2 years (don't mock me!). He ended up coming by to visit me one night and we talked for an hour or so. He was intrigued by me since I was a music major, and he was a fabulous pianist. He had the ultimate boring but secure job of an accountant. He seemed smart, he had a Masters Degree, he was easy to talk to, I wasn't intimidated by him, so I accepted a date with him. In my favorite show, Sex in the City, they would refer to him as "good on paper"... which is very true. And you know what they say about good on paper? Bad in bed. Not that I would know, I just know that the kissing wasn't great. However, I was starved for affection, and he was dishing it out, so I took it, not knowing my own feelings for him. Turns out, I didn't like him that much. It made the breaking up process that much easier, right? Yeah, no.
I knew I had to break up with him when he brought up the "M" word. He was concered about a few of our differences, namely, he said he couldn't see himself with a girl whose mother was divorced (I could've punched him) and he didn't know where I stood in my faith (I wanted to kill him). I set him straight, which he found endearing (I hate it when guys think you're cute when you're angry). He said he was going to do some real "soul searching" about our relationship and he'd get back to me in a few days. I stormed into my house
SO ANGRY. I cried, I yelled, I punched pillows. In the end I realized that he didn't have all the power in this "relationship," (personally, I think that term is a little strong for what we had... I was making out with him, he was trying to marry me. Not exactly equal.) Yeah, so the next day I asked him to come over and I told him that we were in two very different places in our lives, it just wouldn't work. You know the drill.
Now, the average guy would've just taken this, said okay, and left. Not The Corpse. He cried. Sobbed actually. It was sadly pathetic. However, being that I try to be a nice person, I comforted him which he took as "nevermind, I take it back"... I guess this means I have no spine whatsoever. Yeah, so we got back together after he promised to do a lot of changing. We went out that weekend and had a good time. He asked to see me on Sunday, so I said okay. Yeah, well Sunday came and things were bad. Awkward bad. At the end of the evening he takes me to the side and says, "I've been thinking about what you said, and you're right. We should just be friends." And that was that. I said "Sure!" probably a little too enthusiastically and left. A nice clean break. Until he asked me out again about 2 months later. I broke down and went out with him only to have to horrible evening of trying to fend him off. Also, that night he put me through the "wife interview". He asked about my finances (none of your business), where I wanted to live after marriage (none of your business), how many children I wanted (none if they're yours), and where I saw myself in 5 years (not barefoot and pregnant standing in your kitchen, thats for sure). He made all the smooth moves he could come up with and I was able to dodge them all. I spoke to him two days later and told him the "just friends" thing is where we were staying.
Months later, he was attempting to date one of my new friends. I didn't speak badly of him since I believe that he needs to have a chance. (I honestly believe that if I told girls all I know of him, NO ONE would go out with him... I'm not that cruel. We need to get rid of him in the dating pool... he has to marry someone and leave the rest of us alone.) So, The Corpse and I were polite to eachother since we had mutual friends and bumped into eachother frequently at social gatherings. One night I went to my new friends house (The Corpse wasn't there) and a bunch of us were swamping breakup horror stories. I obviously had to talk about my breakup but I didn't use his name. I had a good time and went home happy as a clam. Well, just minutes after I arrived at home, The Corpse calls me. He says that he doesn't appreciate me talking badly about him and that if I don't stop he was going hurt me like no one had hurt me before. Not his exact words, but the threat was sincere. I freaked out. I was so scared. He called back minutes later to apologize and I was an emotional wreck! I was sobbing and shaking all over and couldn't manage to control my emotions. When I was finally able to speak I told him to go to hell and never talk to me again. And it worked. He never has spoken to me again. That night I did something that might be though of as odd, but I found it very therapeutic. I wrote an obituary for him. And now forever after he will be known as The Corpse.
My friends and I still bump into The Corpse on occassion, but we ignore him and the only thing we say is "its so weird to see a walking corpse." Yeah, there is no life after me. At least not for him. My friends are loyal, so he's been officially black listed. No more dates for him from anyone I know. I love it.
*I actually am a nice person. I just refuse to put up with mean people.
Dating Age Bracket
My roommate is 32 and I've become friends with many of her friends despite our age gap. They're fun and laid back, not at all how I envisioned 30-somethings to be. They're like me, only older. Makes me want to grow up to be like them, you know? Well, recently we had a group of the 30-somethings over to our house and lets just say that I was the belle of the ball. I've developed a sorta friendship with one guy in particular. He's nice and we've gone dancing a few times. We're flirty friends. He compliments me constantly, I tease him about checking out my boobs (yes, I know, I'm SO refined). I can make him blush at the drop of a pin. Its great! Such power.
Anyway, recently this guy has been calling quite a bit. He calls our house phone (which we never use because we all have cell phones) and talks to my roommate for awhile and then asks her to hand off to me. I just think that is awkward. I mean, he used to date my roommate. They weren't hot'n'heavy or anything, just a few dates and then they've been friends ever since. But I feel like I'm in a bad situation. He called again last night. He spoke to my roomie for like 10 minutes and then she handed him off to me. It was like 10:30pm at this point so I obviously couldn't talk long (I have a job... hello!), but he and I talked for like 30 or 40 minutes. It was fun and flirty. He ended the conversation by saying we should get together next week (he's out of town this weekend) and I said sure. Here's the problem... he's 35. And there's another problem... my roommate. I love her, we're like sisters and I would never do anything to hurt her. She's dated this guy. They've been friends awhile. I haven't been exactly up front with her about what's going on (although nothing is going on as of yet). So, I'm afraid she'll be bitter because I went fishing in her small dating pool. In my defense, I never meant to go fishing. Its like the fish are just jumping in the boat. I don't even have any bait! So, this is my dilemia. What is my dating age bracket?
A few weeks ago I was talking to my best friend about this same guy and she said he was in my age bracket... which I disagreed with. Then she reminded me that I'm not 18 anymore. When does age stop to matter? When do we throw ages out the window and just date whoever? I wish I knew.
Having to do with this guy... its not the first time an older guy has liked me. I don't know what it is about me that older (as in 30-something or even older) guys find so attractive. Black guys love me as well. Latinos too! When I was just barely 18, I dated a guy the summer before I went to college. He was the type of guy that I just knew I could have if I chose to. Maybe you aren't familiar with the type. For some reason, girls (I'm assuming we all have it) have this innate intuition about men. We know when one is attracted to us or has the potential to be. Usually these guys are a little below our normal dating curve, but when we are lonely we tend to resort to these guys. This was just such a case. I batted my eyes at him and he was hooked. Our first date lasted 10 hours! (I wouldn't suggest this to most people... it started at 7pm, you do the math. Just to note, my mom didn't have a strict curfew, but then again, I never did tell her what time I came in.) After our first few dates, he starts to spill his guts to me. I come to find out that he's 30, divorced, living with his parents, and in high school fathered a child that was put up for adoption.
It was a little much for my pre-college self. I had assumed he was like 23. Yeah... NO! I tried to stop seeing him. I even tried to break up with him quite a few times but for some reason, it never stuck. He adored me... and I love to be adored. By the end, I knew it couldn't last because I was embarrassed to be seen in public with him. I know this sounds shallow, but honestly, if you can't stand to be seen with him, what kind of future does the relationship have? Yeah, ultimately I broke up with him the night before I left for college. It went something like this:
Him: Well, I'm going to miss you so much! I need your address so I can come up and visit.
Me: Uh... I don't know if offhand.
Him: Okay, just give me your dorm phone and I'll call you and we can plan it out.
(at this point I've having visions of this 30-something showing up in my college dorm and seeing all my roommates and friends reactions... yeah, no!)
Me: Yeah, about that. I don't want to leave any loose ends down here.
Him: What?
Me: When I come home, I'll be coming to see my family. I don't want to have anyone else pining for my time. I'm sorry.
Then he just stands there, looking hurt. I'm feeling like the biggest jerk ever. But that did it. He was gone. Years later I ran into him working as a manager of a smoothie shop. Guess I dodged that bullet. Phew.
I was having self-esteem problems last night, thinking I wasn't good enough for 35-guy. I woke up this morning and felt like a fat blob. I dressed as such and went to work where there are nothing but men. I guess its one of the perks (if you could call it that) of my job. My office is 40 men, 4 women... too bad the men are like ages 45-60. One of the employees from an offsite office is here on an errand and starts talking to me. Leroy. He's probably upper 30's, big black guy. He obviously likes me. When he leaves, I have to run get the parking pass from him out in front of the building. He pulls up and gives me the pass then asks me if I'm married. I'm use to these kind of questions. I say no. He then asks if I'm dating anyone (at this point, I notice his wedding ring), so I say kinda. He looks me over and then says, "Well, you tell him he's one lucky guy. If he ever gives you any grief, you come and see me!" I laugh and say thanks.
Yeah, this is my typical work day. Hit on constantly, its great for the self esteem (it solved my self esteem problem for the day), but why don't the white guys hit on me? 35-guy is white, but he's older. I wish I could just meet someone in my age bracket... oh yeah, what's my age bracket?
This is me, take it or leave it
I'm a twenty-something single female living in D.C. and trying to survive the best way I know how. I was raised in the South and came to DC to see if I could make a life for myself. I've never been in a long-term relationship, yeah, no boyfriends, ever! I'm a recent college grad and I'm pining for college life. (I knew I should've been a teacher... summers off, a couple weeks for Christmas... ah, that was the life!) Not that I loved college, I definitely wasn't a huge partier but I found ways to have a good time despite the fact that I don't drink and I'm celibate. Yeah, no drinking, no smoking, no sex... I guess the jig is up, I'm LDS (aka... a mormon).
I'm really outgoing and I love being with people... yeah, I have no idea how I got involved with the government. I just kinda fell into it after college. I needed a job, they offered, I took it. So now here I am! My family all live within driving distance so we're all super close which can sometimes make things a bit.... interesting. I have a large group of friends which consists almost entirely of girls. Girls outnumber guys here like 3 to 1, so my dating life is almost nonexistant. I said
almost not
completely, which means I still have hope.
My mom got married when she was 19, as did my older sister. My grandmother and all my aunts got married before the age of 24, so I'm officially the old maid of the family. They think I'm quite the career woman since I have a nice place to live in the city, get a decent paycheck, and support myself entirely. Yeah, all this is impressive since I graduated with a degree in music. Lets just say, I didn't think I'd ever be where I am now. I just assumed I'd be one of those girls that got swept off her feet in college by a handsome young man and we'd live happily ever after... I'd get my degree *just in case* but I'd never have to work. I'd just stay home and take care of all the wee ones. Yeah, that's no happening any time soon. So here I am.
I went home to visit my mom about a year ago and went to church with her. I had an old lady I've known forever approach me and ask me about my "big city life"
OL: Oh, you're such a pretty girl, are you married yet?
Me: No.
OL: Hm... engaged?
Me: No.
OL: Well, I bet you have yourself a fella, don't you?
Me: No.
OL: Are you dating anyone?
Me: No.
OL: Are you interested in anyone?
Me: No.
OL: Are you a lesbian?
Me: No, but that's an option I hadn't considered.
Yeah, she hasn't spoken to me since. The heathen that I am! But my life continues.
That's me. And I'm proud of it. I never want to grow up! I may have adult responsibilities, but I'm no grownup. Grownups are fuddy duddies. I know people that are my age that are grownups, but I know people in their 40's who haven't grown up yet. That's how I hope to be. I went home to be with my family last weekend. I never turn down an opportunity to go to the lake and waterski. My cousin is 13, we've always been very close. I remember years ago when my sister got married (I was 17 at the time), my cousin announced that my sister was a grown up. As I sat at the kid table at Thanksgiving, I longed to be a grownup. What did I have to do to become a grownup?
