Thursday, October 30, 2008

Adventures in Soggy Dating

After a brief (okay, not so brief) hiatus, I'm back! I know you can hardly contain your enthusiasm…

Obviously, I'm still single, otherwise I would've changed the name of my blog by now. I've tried many different tactics to meet Mr. Right. Blind dates, happy hours, friends of friends, dating sites, but still… nada. I adopted my dating policy when I was 18 and a freshman in college: if a guy has the balls to ask me out, I go… at least once (unless I'm fearful for my own safety). Sometimes this policy has a way of biting me in the butt.

SOGG* asked me out after knowing me for at least 6 years. He's in his mid 30's and a nice guy so I figured, what the heck?! What do I have to lose? And off we went.

Date 1:
He asked me out for lunch. That's right, JUST lunch. No other activity. He figured we could meet at the restaurant so he wouldn't have to drive all the way to my house and then back up to his neck of the woods, plus, his car is a mess and he didn't feel like cleaning it (Just FYI… this did not impress me. Strike one). We met for lunch at a Thai restaurant which I actually knew since it was right next to my office. I got there a good 10 minutes before him because I was actually ON TIME (strike two). We got lunch and he just talked and talked and talked. I mean, I've known him for years so its not like we struggle for conversation, but literally he talked THE ENTIRE TIME! (Which, lets be honest, is really impressive since I'm usually known as such a talker). Anyway, we had food, and then after about an hour I said I had to go because I had another engagement (which was true). He didn't walk me to my car. He didn't even touch me. (Strike three…. You're……)


Date 2:
He emails me again asking me to a movie. Man, this guy is ballsy. By this time I've heard through the grapevine that he has a crush on me.

It’s the day of date and he hasn't told me what time we're meeting or anything. So I head to my church's Christmas party, not wanting to wait around for nothing AGAIN. I'm having a good ol' time at the party and lo and behold he calls around 8:00. I take his call and he suggests we go see Beowulf. I've decided I ain't taking no bull from this guy so I say no (because honestly, who wanted to see Beowulf?!). He throws out a few other suggestions, and I reject all of them because I'd already seen them. Finally, he asks me what I want to see.

My answer: Enchanted.

And he agrees. (I wish I could say that the conversation was this easy, but it actually took place over half a dozen phone calls over the course of 30 minutes.) We agree to meet up at the theatre just down the street in like 45 minutes. So, I go back to my friends and we start talking. I tell them I'm going to see Enchanted after the party and one of my darling gal pals says that she's been DYING to see it.

So I do a horrible thing. I invite her along.

She was a little hesitant at first since she thought she'd be intruding on a date, but I assured her that it would be fine. (I'm a horrible person. Did I mention that?)

I show up at the theatre, he's already purchased my ticket. I pick the seats (because I'm really particular about movie theatre seating, I like to be able to put my feet up. Why, yes, I was raised in a barn!) and we continue to talk waiting for the movie to start. About 3 minutes before the lights go out, my darling friend shows up and I just wave her over… leaving SOGG in the dark. He had no idea I actually invited her, I'm guessing he thinks it was pure coincidence. Right?

So, we watch the movie, which is totally not at all his style. He suffers through it, doesn't touch me at all. Afterwards, my friend departs and he walks me to my car where we talk for a few minutes and he asks if I'd be willing to do this again. And like an idiot I say yes.

Date 3:
I know, you're probably shocked. Yes, I'm so desperate that I went out with SOGG a second time because, well, he asked. So, about 3 months later, SOGG sends me an email asking me to a movie…. In a month. He was well aware that my schedule gets full very quickly (not with dates, just with other activities. I can't help that I'm popular!) and he was busy with school, so he called way far in advance (5 points for SOGG!). So I said sure. The night of the date has come and I haven't heard from him SINCE he asked me out. I had sent him an email 2 days before asking for details, but didn't get an email back (Strike one). I have no idea what time he wants to do this thing (Strike two), I've actually reserved the night, so I don't have anything else planned. And then…. Well…. Nothing. By 8:45pm, I'd given up on him. He hadn't called so I didn't want to waste a precious Friday night, so I called up my best gal pal and we planned to meet up for dinner and a movie. Lo and behold, he calls at 9:00pm after I had called him twice in the 7:00 hour. He says he never saw my calls, he never got my voicemail and he never received my email. By this time I'm just ticked and tell him I have made other plans with a friend. He just says she can come with us. I say, no, really its okay. Maybe another time (I didn't think he'd really take me seriously?!).

Date 4:
At this point, let me set the record straight. I'm not a mean person. And neither is SOGG. We're friends. But in all honesty, he's not what most would call a "good" dater. Plus, we had no chemistry.

But I was alone. And not dating. And he asked. So I said yes.

This time he asks me to dinner. At this point, I get that he's not going to follow up so I know not to take this too seriously. The day of the date he calls and asks if we could meet up in an hour down by my house. I say sure. We walk to an Irish pub, where there's suppose to be live music, eat some dinner and then wait for the music. As we sit there talking away (a talent which we both possess), I realize I can't do this. I can't go out with him again and I am not even remotely attracted to him. I know, I know, this sounds mean. But its not anything personal! It was at this moment that I knew I didn't want to go out with him again. I gave it go, didn't I?! He's a nice guy, just not for me.

And that was that. He walked me home, no awkward door scene. And it was done.

A month later, I get the following note from him:

Subject: Non-Commital Make Out Session

If you need to schedule a non committal make out session after working all weekend let me know.


The nerve of him!!! What makes him think I'm the NCMO type?!

Don't worry, this time I knew when to put on the brakes.


* It doesn't matter what the acronym stands for…. I'm not telling you!!

2 Comments:

At 8:44 AM, Blogger Erin said...

WTF?! After zero chemistry and physical contact? No WAY!

 
At 11:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh. my. goodness. this guy is ridiculous! i cannot BELIEVE him! you're a real trooper for putting up with him as long as you did. ugh.

 

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