Its not impossible to render me speechless
Remember when you were little and you use to play Barbies and then Ken would come along, all handsome and perfect, and have not one single flaw and sweep Barbie (I always named my Barbies Rose or Aurora... me and Disney princesses. Thankfully I've almost grown out of it!) So, I'd dream up my own prince with an impossible list of characteristics.But what happens when you get exactly what you ask for?
I'm still dating the 6'4 guy, and I would have you know, he's totally crazy about me. Maybe more than crazy about me. And I'm kinda diggin' this guy too. There's got to be something wrong with this guy because he wants to marry me.
Yes, you heard me right. Marriage.
And although I may seem calm, cool, and collected, using nothing but periods and commas, I can assure you I'm feeling nothing but question marks and exclamation points inside (WHAT THE *&#%$?!!?!?!?!?!). Every girl imagines this time in her life, what he'll do, how she'll react.... so what happens when it takes you all by surprise? What happens when you just don't feel ready?
Well, I'll tell you. That's when you sit and stare and just remain silent.
Still silent.
Ready to further complicate matters?
My family met him this weekend. By family I mean my sister, her husband, my nephew, my mother, my baby brother, and my grandparents. It wasn't exactly planned. But I was all prepared for all of them to hate him, because they've always hated the guys I've dated. So I'm all prepped for the worst and what happens?!
THEY LOVE HIM?!!!
How can they all love him? How can my grandfather give his blessing if I haven't even said yes yet? How can my mom encourage me to plan a life with him? How can my sister start planning the spacing of my children? How can 6'4 guy plan the honeymoon IF I HAVEN'T GIVEN AN ANSWER?!
On the otherhand, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
A guy that seems as close to perfect as I can find, my own 6'4 Ken Doll, and I can't make up my mind. What kinda girl can't make up her mind and her heart?
There were times this weekend when I looked at him and thought, "I want to marry you!" but then there were other moments when I looked at him and thought, "Why in the world am I going out with you?!" I figure I can't give him an answer until these doubts go away. But do they ever go away?
Doesn't this all seem a little fast? What's the rush?! My eggs aren't spoiling anytime soon. My uterus isn't trying up for another 20 years. I have time.
Then why do I feel rushed?
Oh yeah, because I'm a 24-year-old virgin. Stupid hormones!
And now I realize I want what I can't have. When I have a ..... a........ a...... boyfriend (sorry, that word is so foreign to me. First time I said it I almost vomitted. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.) I want to hang out with my girlfriends and just play the field a bit. But before, all I wanted was a guy. Yes, I think I may be emotionally disturbed.
So, girls and boys, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.
And then what?
When you figure it out, let me know.
posted by Me @ 3:14 PM
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