Rebuttal and Some Free Dating Advice
I was reading a friend's blog and he wrote about dating from the male perspective. I feel as though I should write some sort of rebuttal so all the men out there can know what's up.In the dating world there's always a lot of finger pointing, but in the end, we need to look at ourselves. I could complain and say that I don't get asked out by guys, but in all honesty I do get asked out. Just not by the guys that I want to ask me out. And thus is life.
This being said, I still go out with guys I'm not interested in. Why? Because although I may not be interested initially, I'm open minded. Almost every relationship I've been in has started because he was interested in me and I wasn't into him. But I gave him a chance, and grew to really like him! I wish I could say that all girls are as open minded as myself, but they aren't.
And hence the bitter guys.
I understand where my friend is coming from, he was saying that girls are too picky. I'll let him in on a secret. What we say and we do are not always the same. If someone were to ask me my type, I'd probably give the uniform answer of "tall, dark, and handsome" and then maybe throw in blue eyes, good teeth, sense of humor, eagle scout, high moral standards, close to his family, doesn't want to live in Utah, etc.... the list could go on and on. BUT when was the last time I went out with a guy like that?
Um.... Never.
Now the kicker. The problem isn't the girls themselves, the guys have a choice of who they ask out and if they are disappointed in the girls, then they need to change who they're asking out. Let me say that again in simpler terms. You're asking out the wrong girls.
Back when I was a young college freshman, I adopted a rule that has served me well. And although I have sometimes cursed this rule, it has served me well for the past 7 (almost 8) years. Wow, I'm getting old.
The rule: If a guy has the balls to ask, I go. At least once.
I think this is common courtesy. This is not a way of leading a guy on, it's just a matter of keeping an open mind.
In closing, I'll touch on the topic of my last blog. Guys, watch and learn. You can thank me later. I'll be waiting for your phone call.
Well, unless you already asked out the blonde.
posted by Me @ 1:38 PM
2 Comments:
I just don't know about the idea of never saying no to a first date. I feel like, if you know you're not interested, why waste the guy's money? Plus, once he's invested money in you there's more pressure for you to keep things going even though you know it just won't work.
I actually think that guys shouldn't be asking you out at all until you are very close friends, because dating doesn't really tell you if you're meant for each other, just that you're attracted to each other.
Okay, so after reading the blog entry you linked to and the one that inspired it, here's my 2 cents.
On the list - yeah, unfortunately us girls are totally brainwashed in YW regarding "the list." We spend YW lessons on Sunday actually writing the list. I'm so not kidding. Yes, I definitely think the list mentality is damaging.
But I also think that the most intelligent, emotionally stable girls figure this out pretty early on. So if you're a guy and you're running up against this issue a lot in dating, you're probably just (like you said Grace) dating the wrong girls.
From my purely anecdotal experience with LDS dating in DC, it seems like there is a small minority of girls that get asked out frequently. The vast majority of us don't get asked out very often, period.
The other point I want to make is this - if a girl is sending mixed messages, or passing up dates for a "roommate dinner," or telling you that you don't fit her list qualifications, chances are she is Just Not That Into You. And that's okay! Neither of you are necessarily bad people or doing something wrong. I firmly believe everyone has a perfect right to reject a romantic proposal for any reason whatsoever. Sometimes we're just not that into people. So instead of getting bitter and complaining about girls-this, girls-that (or vice versa), cut your losses and move on. Eventually you'll find the right one.
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