Picture Perfect in Singledom
Thanksgiving has come and gone, for that I am thankful. Thanksgiving has never been one of my favorite holidays. I barely ranks above Valentines Day, if you get my drift. Family fight breakout in the kitchen over whose gravy is best and who can carve a turkey (my grandfather isn't allowed to!).It might sound odd. But that's how it goes. No football. No kid tables. Just bickering in the kitchen as the menfolk sit around with their brandy talking politics. And we have to get dressed up!! I hate that! I have to put on a skirt to stand in the kitchen all day. It just doesn't make sense to me. I can assure you that once I get married this is one holiday I will opt to spend with the in-laws. I just pray it involves football!
After the food is over and done with, we proceed to help my grandmother bring up all her Christmas decorations and put them up. This usually means I get ordered around, then they tell me to find something in a closet somewhere (this year it was extension cords), which is never where they say it is. Heaven forbid you don't find it!
Yes, like an idiot, I thought when they said the "right" side of the pantry in a ziploc bag, that meant I go to the pantry and look on the right side for a ziploc bag of extension cords?! I was afraid to go back empty handed so I stupidly found a white extension cord loose in the pantry and brought that to them.
Big mistake.
This launched into a discussion of how if-you-want-something-done-right-you-have-to-do-it-yourself. I feel like a moron. Yet, they were unable to find the extension cords and somehow I still manage to be the dumb one. Gotta love that!
Oh, and I love how everytime my grandfather would talk of my "achievements" he wouldn't bring up my job or my talents, just my mere approximation to the current Miss Virginia (she was a former roommate and still a very close friend.... if you ask about her, I'll stab myself with a fork!).
Oh, then my mom decided to do out Christmas cards this weekend. But she didn't warn us ahead of time so none of us brought our good clothes. Then she said she wanted to take the pictures first thing this morning.*
We avoided doing this.
So, after sitting in traffic for over 5 hours to get back home, my mom is so excited to tell me that we're doing a collage for our Christmas cards. I was thinking this was a great idea since my family has plenty of pictures to chose from. I mean, to be honest, I looked pretty good this past weekend, if I do say so myself!
So... they (my mom, sister, and brother-in-law) proceed to email me the Christmas card. Its beyond horrible. I mean, the pictures are good except for the one of me.
Hm... how can I put this into words?
Imagine pictures of a beautiful family all dressed up in their Sunday best, perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect smiles. Then a picture inserted on the side of a seemingly chubby girl with wildly frizzy hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, wearing absolutely no makeup, and a white shirt that just adds to the general bloat of the picture.
Yeah, that about describes it.
When I tell them that the picture of me is horrible, they just don't seem to understand!
WHAT?!?!!
Yes, and to make things better I give them several example of great pictures of me. My mom said none of them were that good.
Now I'm just terrified that I actually look "in real life" like I do in that picture! My sister said that if I don't like it, I can just send out my own Christmas cards. I know most people just are on pins and needles waiting for the Christmas card from a single girl with a picture of her in front of her lonely Christmas tree. I'm not quite that secure in my singledom. Maybe someday. But not today.
Yes, so in the matter of a weekend, I've managed to tick off my whole family.
It's a talent.
I know, you're way jealous!
*If you know anything about curly hair, you'd know this is a bad thing. Curly hair cannot be blowdried unless you want a frizzy mess. Hence, the pictures would've either looked like my sister and I had our hair plastered to our heads or we would've looked like we put our finger in an electric socket. a.k.a. not a good thing.
posted by Me @ 10:27 PM
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