I want you to want me… even if I don't want you.
I think most girls want to be wanted. They want to be desired. It gives us a boost and makes us feel better about ourselves even if we aren't into the guy.
So this past weekend I had various social engagements (no dates though…) and got all dressed up for the occasion. I must say, I didn't look half bad. At my various stops I managed to bump into two guys which fit with the title of this post. First there was TG*. Story with TG is that I went on a date with him like 2 years ago, had a great time. The next time I saw him after the date, I made the mistake of introducing him to an acquaintance of mine…. who he ended up dating for over a year. Yeah… nice one.
Anyway, he's now single, and although I'm not into him, I'm under the impression that HE should be into ME! Is that so wrong? He's not horrible looking, plus, he's tall so I don't have to look at him anyway. (I know, I'm horrible!)
I spoke to him on Friday night and he complimented me on my costume and we spoke a few other times when we casually bumped into each other. So, why doesn't he ask me out? I mean, I know I'm not THAT into him, but how does he know that?!
Later that same evening I bumped into CT**. He's one of those guys that I've known for years, he's asked out almost all of my girlfriends, but not me. He talks to me all the time. Flirts with me. Talks too close to me. But never once has he asked me out. I don't mean to be bitter, but why hasn't he?! CT is also one of those guys that only talks to you if you're the best thing in the room. For instance, I hung out with him like a year ago, he had given me his undivided attention for close to an hour, and then a tall blonde arrived and he ditched me faster than you can say "Bob's your uncle". To add to my frustration, he tends to jeopardize my time and attention in social atmospheres. Not cool and very inconsiderate.
And no, I'm not into CT. But he should be into me!
I will be the first to admit that I'm a flirt. My policy is to cast a wide net, so I just flirt with every guy in the hopes that I'll actually catch something. Okay, so maybe this method hasn't been working so well, but it does keep me from getting hurt.
So, since I'm flirting with both TG and CT, you'd think I'd get one, but alas…. No. Yes, I realize this makes me sound like a huge jerk… wanting guys that I don't want to want me. But you should know, this does amazing things for a girl's ego! Don't knock it till you try it. And I know there are girls out there that know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, so stop turning you nose up at me. You're just like me, you just don't want to admit it. And I don't think this means I'm totally shallow. I've gone out with lots of guys that I wasn't into that I eventually grew into. (Does that make sense?)
So, in closing, I want you to want me…. Or heck, I want anyone to want me…. Just don't expect me to want you too.
*Tall Guy
** Close Talker
Adventures in Soggy Dating
After a brief (okay, not so brief) hiatus, I'm back! I know you can hardly contain your enthusiasm…
Obviously, I'm still single, otherwise I would've changed the name of my blog by now. I've tried many different tactics to meet Mr. Right. Blind dates, happy hours, friends of friends, dating sites, but still… nada. I adopted my dating policy when I was 18 and a freshman in college: if a guy has the balls to ask me out, I go… at least once (unless I'm fearful for my own safety). Sometimes this policy has a way of biting me in the butt.
SOGG* asked me out after knowing me for at least 6 years. He's in his mid 30's and a nice guy so I figured, what the heck?! What do I have to lose? And off we went.
Date 1:He asked me out for lunch. That's right, JUST lunch. No other activity. He figured we could meet at the restaurant so he wouldn't have to drive all the way to my house and then back up to his neck of the woods, plus, his car is a mess and he didn't feel like cleaning it (Just FYI… this did not impress me. Strike one). We met for lunch at a Thai restaurant which I actually knew since it was right next to my office. I got there a good 10 minutes before him because I was actually ON TIME (strike two). We got lunch and he just talked and talked and talked. I mean, I've known him for years so its not like we struggle for conversation, but literally he talked THE ENTIRE TIME! (Which, lets be honest, is really impressive since I'm usually known as such a talker). Anyway, we had food, and then after about an hour I said I had to go because I had another engagement (which was true). He didn't walk me to my car. He didn't even touch me. (Strike three…. You're……)
Date 2:He emails me again asking me to a movie. Man, this guy is ballsy. By this time I've heard through the grapevine that he has a crush on me.
It’s the day of date and he hasn't told me what time we're meeting or anything. So I head to my church's Christmas party, not wanting to wait around for nothing AGAIN. I'm having a good ol' time at the party and lo and behold he calls around 8:00. I take his call and he suggests we go see Beowulf. I've decided I ain't taking no bull from this guy so I say no (because honestly, who wanted to see Beowulf?!). He throws out a few other suggestions, and I reject all of them because I'd already seen them. Finally, he asks me what I want to see.
My answer: Enchanted.
And he agrees. (I wish I could say that the conversation was this easy, but it actually took place over half a dozen phone calls over the course of 30 minutes.) We agree to meet up at the theatre just down the street in like 45 minutes. So, I go back to my friends and we start talking. I tell them I'm going to see Enchanted after the party and one of my darling gal pals says that she's been DYING to see it.
So I do a horrible thing. I invite her along.
She was a little hesitant at first since she thought she'd be intruding on a date, but I assured her that it would be fine. (I'm a horrible person. Did I mention that?)
I show up at the theatre, he's already purchased my ticket. I pick the seats (because I'm really particular about movie theatre seating, I like to be able to put my feet up. Why, yes, I was raised in a barn!) and we continue to talk waiting for the movie to start. About 3 minutes before the lights go out, my darling friend shows up and I just wave her over… leaving SOGG in the dark. He had no idea I actually invited her, I'm guessing he thinks it was pure coincidence. Right?
So, we watch the movie, which is totally not at all his style. He suffers through it, doesn't touch me at all. Afterwards, my friend departs and he walks me to my car where we talk for a few minutes and he asks if I'd be willing to do this again. And like an idiot I say yes.
Date 3:I know, you're probably shocked. Yes, I'm so desperate that I went out with SOGG a second time because, well, he asked. So, about 3 months later, SOGG sends me an email asking me to a movie…. In a month. He was well aware that my schedule gets full very quickly (not with dates, just with other activities. I can't help that I'm popular!) and he was busy with school, so he called way far in advance (5 points for SOGG!). So I said sure. The night of the date has come and I haven't heard from him SINCE he asked me out. I had sent him an email 2 days before asking for details, but didn't get an email back (Strike one). I have no idea what time he wants to do this thing (Strike two), I've actually reserved the night, so I don't have anything else planned. And then…. Well…. Nothing. By 8:45pm, I'd given up on him. He hadn't called so I didn't want to waste a precious Friday night, so I called up my best gal pal and we planned to meet up for dinner and a movie. Lo and behold, he calls at 9:00pm after I had called him twice in the 7:00 hour. He says he never saw my calls, he never got my voicemail and he never received my email. By this time I'm just ticked and tell him I have made other plans with a friend. He just says she can come with us. I say, no, really its okay. Maybe another time (I didn't think he'd really take me seriously?!).
Date 4:At this point, let me set the record straight. I'm not a mean person. And neither is SOGG. We're friends. But in all honesty, he's not what most would call a "good" dater. Plus, we had no chemistry.
But I was alone. And not dating. And he asked. So I said yes.
This time he asks me to dinner. At this point, I get that he's not going to follow up so I know not to take this too seriously. The day of the date he calls and asks if we could meet up in an hour down by my house. I say sure. We walk to an Irish pub, where there's suppose to be live music, eat some dinner and then wait for the music. As we sit there talking away (a talent which we both possess), I realize I can't do this. I can't go out with him again and I am not even remotely attracted to him. I know, I know, this sounds mean. But its not anything personal! It was at this moment that I knew I didn't want to go out with him again. I gave it go, didn't I?! He's a nice guy, just not for me.
And that was that. He walked me home, no awkward door scene. And it was done.
A month later, I get the following note from him:
Subject: Non-Commital Make Out Session
If you need to schedule a non committal make out session after working all weekend let me know.
The nerve of him!!! What makes him think I'm the NCMO type?!
Don't worry, this time I knew when to put on the brakes.
* It doesn't matter what the acronym stands for…. I'm not telling you!!
The NCMO
The oppportunity arose and I decided to seize the day. I mean, how often does a friend of a friend of a friend ask you out? I mean, it's kinda flattering.
I met him on a dark and rainy night. I had fled from my house, trying to save myself from the inevitable flash flood and power outages and decided to join a friend for dinner. At that dinner, SF was there. He was funny, with a potty mouth, but had ambition, a great career, education, all qualities I find attractive. And TALL. (Have I ever mentioned how much I love tall guys?)
So, I was at dinner and as he drank his beer, it became obvious that SF was into me. I'm not dense, I know the signs. He kept trying to make me laugh, talked to me exclusively, and at the end of the night tried to hand me his card (which I think is just a cop out). Instead, I told him to Facebook me. He gave me a hug goodnight and had already requested me as a friend on facebook by the time I got home.
A couple weeks passed and nothing happened. He never tried to contact me in anyway. (Why do guys do that?! They show interest one day and then just forget about you. Further evidence that guys don't even know what they want.) But thanks to the wonders of Facebook Chat, I contacted him. I knew that he thought I was beautiful and had asked about me, so I knew it wouldn't take much encouragement to get him to ask me out. I started a flirty conversation with him which led to him asking me out to drinks. Then we continued our conversation via text message, and it got upgraded to dinner.
Sidenote: I'll be the first to admit that I'm a flirt. However, I don't flirt without cause. When I flirt with a guy its because I'd like to get to know him better, and if he did grow some balls and ask me out, I'd go! And in this case, it was no different.
We planned to meet up 2 days later and we constantly texted back and forth until the day arrived. By this time, I had grown a little fearful because it had become very apparent that he and I didn't share the same moral values and beliefs. As a self-diagnosed prude, the world of sleeping around with near strangers is very foreign to me, but SF had made it clear that he wanted to do more than just dinner.
I ended up meeting him by the metro for dinner, where he took me out to maybe the nicest dinner I've ever had on a date. I discovered it's nice to go out with guys that spend money and have good jobs and nice cars. He was touchy feely with me immediately and I was a little shocked by it. I actually shocked myself at how receptive I was to his advances.
Over dinner, my beliefs did come up, and he communicated that he was aware of my moral standards but we did not dwell on them. I just felt that since he was aware of them, he now knew what to expect (or rather, what NOT to expect).
That being the case, we went back to my house and he pounced. I was surprised at how he managed to respect my boundaries, but at the same time, request me to push them to the side. This is when I realized, I was in the middle of a Non-Commital Make Out (NCMO). I knew that as he asked me to push my boundaries, it wouldn't matter if I did or didn't, he still wasn't going to call. We had fun, but that was that.
The next day as I asked a friend about SF, he expressed his shock when I said I went out with SF. This is when I discovered (and I wasn't really surprised to hear) that SF has repeatedly communicated that sex is very important to him in a relationship and he won't have a relationship without it.
Wow, we were over before we even started.
And, no surprises here, the Sex Fiend never did call.
I want you to want me.... and then wait.
When I started this blog, I didn't intend for this to be a dating blog, but that's exactly what its turned into. And why should I break with tradition now?!
Recently I've reached a point of frustration. I went out with a guy that was not of my faith, I figured it was all in good fun, no big deal. But in the end, although we had a lovely time, I haven't heard from him and I'm pretty sure I know why.
I wouldn't have sex with him.
Now, I guess it shows that I've been dating a lot of guys of my same standards and had forgotten that this lone standard could be a deal breaker. But why? When my grandparents were my age, they wouldn't think of discussing sex on a first date. But here was a guy that was calling it quits before the game even started. On one hand, its nice to be desired, to feel wanted in that way. However, on the other hand, I feel like crap because he doesn't think I'm worth waiting for. See? There goes my idealistic view on the world. I guess I've watched too many ABC Family Special Movie Presentations.... "If he loves you, he'll wait." I'm 26 years old. I'm too old for this crap.
But what if he doesn't love you, and won't wait to find out if he could love you?
I know, I should just say, "his loss" and be done with it. But I question why it is that this guy is willing to throw away something great just because I won't fulfill his selfish carnal desires. I had no idea I could scare a guy away so quickly.
In the end, my ultimate frustration comes from not being asked out by the guys that have the same standards as me, and then getting rejected by the guys that want me because of my standards. There's gotta be an easier way.
Rebuttal and Some Free Dating Advice
I was reading
a friend's blog and he wrote about dating from the male perspective. I feel as though I should write some sort of rebuttal so all the men out there can know what's up.
In the dating world there's always a lot of finger pointing, but in the end, we need to look at ourselves. I could complain and say that I don't get asked out by guys, but in all honesty I do get asked out. Just not by the guys that I
want to ask me out. And thus is life.
This being said, I still go out with guys I'm not interested in. Why? Because although I may not be interested initially, I'm open minded. Almost every relationship I've been in has started because he was interested in me and I wasn't into him. But I gave him a chance, and grew to really like him! I wish I could say that all girls are as open minded as myself, but they aren't.
And hence the bitter guys.
I understand where my friend is coming from, he was saying that girls are too picky. I'll let him in on a secret. What we say and we do are not always the same. If someone were to ask me my type, I'd probably give the uniform answer of "tall, dark, and handsome" and then maybe throw in blue eyes, good teeth, sense of humor, eagle scout, high moral standards, close to his family, doesn't want to live in Utah, etc.... the list could go on and on.
BUT when was the last time I went out with a guy like that?
Um.... Never.
Now the kicker. The problem isn't the girls themselves, the guys have a choice of who they ask out and if they are disappointed in the girls, then they need to change who they're asking out. Let me say that again in simpler terms. You're asking out the wrong girls.
Back when I was a young college freshman, I adopted a rule that has served me well. And although I have sometimes cursed this rule, it has served me well for the past 7 (almost 8) years. Wow, I'm getting old.
The rule: If a guy has the balls to ask, I go. At least once.
I think this is common courtesy. This is not a way of leading a guy on, it's just a matter of keeping an open mind.
In closing, I'll touch on the topic of my last blog.
Guys, watch and learn. You can thank me later. I'll be waiting for your phone call.
Well, unless you already asked out the blonde.
Dating with a Diva
She can't help that she's beautiful. And I'm not one to hold it against her, but she is quite the looker. We've been friends since our freshman year in college and still party like we're in college. I LOVE her!
But I hate how guys treat me when she's around.
I become invisible. Or even worse, a means to get to her. If I get another phone call from a guy friend just calling to "chat" and then it turns into a "what do you think your friend would say if I asked her out?" "Tell me about your friend"….. etc, and so forth, I'll shoot myself in the foot! (because what guy wouldn't love going out with a gimp!)
Now, I'm not an ugly person. I don't consider myself to be unattractive, but how does one compete?
Every guy I've met in the past 2 months, who I may or may not have been initially interested in, has expressed an interest in her. I know she's a pretty girl with a great personality, but I'm not too bad either!!
Okay, so I may be complaining now, but I haven't had horrible luck in the past few months with dating. I've gone on a handful of dates, some with people I thought might have some potential, others with guys that just happened to ask. But in the end, I'm still alone.
Is it horrible to think that my friends wouldn't be my friends if she wasn't around? It's amazing that at my ripe old age of 25, I still find myself feeling like the last one chosen for kickball. A consolation prize.
I try not to be bitter. I try to just hold my own and have a good time. But I find myself getting more and more ticked off as I see more and more guys trip over themselves to get to her. And then the jealousy sets in.
This is me trying not to be jealous. How am I doing?
Celebrity Sighting!!
On Monday night I took a break from my daily routine and went out to dinner with my sister, her hubby, and the baby. They rarely come in town so this was quite the occassion! Where does one take a family of 3 with a small child to dinner in the great city of Washington?
Old Ebbitt Grill. Oh Yeah!
Cheap, friendly, and, who knew, a prime location for a celebrity sighting!
So, there I was standing in the lobby, waiting for our table, talking to my brother-in-law (my sister was changing a diaper.... man, I'm SO glad I didn't accept the invite to go "help" her with that!) when he came down the stairs and walked straight toward me! He even LOOKED at me. Yes, me! He was, no kidding, less than 2 feet away from me!
Being an avid fan of his past work, I recognized him immediately and stood there, starstruck. The entire encounter only lasted maybe 15 seconds, and the only thing I said was, "Oh My GOSH!! ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!" in a frantic whisper to my brother-in-law (he's SO totally oblivious).
Who, may you ask, was this celebrity?
None other than the man that dumped Christina Yang, the man that called George a faggot, and the most gifted cardio-thoracic in the country (okay, so his character did two of those):
Isaiah Washington.
Don't be too jealous.
