Single in Stilettos

I want you to want me… even if I don't want you.

2008-11-05T15:19:00.001-05:00

I think most girls want to be wanted. They want to be desired. It gives us a boost and makes us feel better about ourselves even if we aren't into the guy.

So this past weekend I had various social engagements (no dates though…) and got all dressed up for the occasion. I must say, I didn't look half bad. At my various stops I managed to bump into two guys which fit with the title of this post. First there was TG*. Story with TG is that I went on a date with him like 2 years ago, had a great time. The next time I saw him after the date, I made the mistake of introducing him to an acquaintance of mine…. who he ended up dating for over a year. Yeah… nice one.

Anyway, he's now single, and although I'm not into him, I'm under the impression that HE should be into ME! Is that so wrong? He's not horrible looking, plus, he's tall so I don't have to look at him anyway. (I know, I'm horrible!)

I spoke to him on Friday night and he complimented me on my costume and we spoke a few other times when we casually bumped into each other. So, why doesn't he ask me out? I mean, I know I'm not THAT into him, but how does he know that?!

Later that same evening I bumped into CT**. He's one of those guys that I've known for years, he's asked out almost all of my girlfriends, but not me. He talks to me all the time. Flirts with me. Talks too close to me. But never once has he asked me out. I don't mean to be bitter, but why hasn't he?! CT is also one of those guys that only talks to you if you're the best thing in the room. For instance, I hung out with him like a year ago, he had given me his undivided attention for close to an hour, and then a tall blonde arrived and he ditched me faster than you can say "Bob's your uncle". To add to my frustration, he tends to jeopardize my time and attention in social atmospheres. Not cool and very inconsiderate.

And no, I'm not into CT. But he should be into me!

I will be the first to admit that I'm a flirt. My policy is to cast a wide net, so I just flirt with every guy in the hopes that I'll actually catch something. Okay, so maybe this method hasn't been working so well, but it does keep me from getting hurt.

So, since I'm flirting with both TG and CT, you'd think I'd get one, but alas…. No. Yes, I realize this makes me sound like a huge jerk… wanting guys that I don't want to want me. But you should know, this does amazing things for a girl's ego! Don't knock it till you try it. And I know there are girls out there that know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, so stop turning you nose up at me. You're just like me, you just don't want to admit it. And I don't think this means I'm totally shallow. I've gone out with lots of guys that I wasn't into that I eventually grew into. (Does that make sense?)

So, in closing, I want you to want me…. Or heck, I want anyone to want me…. Just don't expect me to want you too.

*Tall Guy
** Close Talker

Adventures in Soggy Dating

2008-10-30T15:37:00.001-04:00

After a brief (okay, not so brief) hiatus, I'm back! I know you can hardly contain your enthusiasm…

Obviously, I'm still single, otherwise I would've changed the name of my blog by now. I've tried many different tactics to meet Mr. Right. Blind dates, happy hours, friends of friends, dating sites, but still… nada. I adopted my dating policy when I was 18 and a freshman in college: if a guy has the balls to ask me out, I go… at least once (unless I'm fearful for my own safety). Sometimes this policy has a way of biting me in the butt.

SOGG* asked me out after knowing me for at least 6 years. He's in his mid 30's and a nice guy so I figured, what the heck?! What do I have to lose? And off we went.

Date 1:
He asked me out for lunch. That's right, JUST lunch. No other activity. He figured we could meet at the restaurant so he wouldn't have to drive all the way to my house and then back up to his neck of the woods, plus, his car is a mess and he didn't feel like cleaning it (Just FYI… this did not impress me. Strike one). We met for lunch at a Thai restaurant which I actually knew since it was right next to my office. I got there a good 10 minutes before him because I was actually ON TIME (strike two). We got lunch and he just talked and talked and talked. I mean, I've known him for years so its not like we struggle for conversation, but literally he talked THE ENTIRE TIME! (Which, lets be honest, is really impressive since I'm usually known as such a talker). Anyway, we had food, and then after about an hour I said I had to go because I had another engagement (which was true). He didn't walk me to my car. He didn't even touch me. (Strike three…. You're……)

Date 2:
He emails me again asking me to a movie. Man, this guy is ballsy. By this time I've heard through the grapevine that he has a crush on me.

It’s the day of date and he hasn't told me what time we're meeting or anything. So I head to my church's Christmas party, not wanting to wait around for nothing AGAIN. I'm having a good ol' time at the party and lo and behold he calls around 8:00. I take his call and he suggests we go see Beowulf. I've decided I ain't taking no bull from this guy so I say no (because honestly, who wanted to see Beowulf?!). He throws out a few other suggestions, and I reject all of them because I'd already seen them. Finally, he asks me what I want to see.

My answer: Enchanted.

And he agrees. (I wish I could say that the conversation was this easy, but it actually took place over half a dozen phone calls over the course of 30 minutes.) We agree to meet up at the theatre just down the street in like 45 minutes. So, I go back to my friends and we start talking. I tell them I'm going to see Enchanted after the party and one of my darling gal pals says that she's been DYING to see it.

So I do a horrible thing. I invite her along.

She was a little hesitant at first since she thought she'd be intruding on a date, but I assured her that it would be fine. (I'm a horrible person. Did I mention that?)

I show up at the theatre, he's already purchased my ticket. I pick the seats (because I'm really particular about movie theatre seating, I like to be able to put my feet up. Why, yes, I was raised in a barn!) and we continue to talk waiting for the movie to start. About 3 minutes before the lights go out, my darling friend shows up and I just wave her over… leaving SOGG in the dark. He had no idea I actually invited her, I'm guessing he thinks it was pure coincidence. Right?

So, we watch the movie, which is totally not at all his style. He suffers through it, doesn't touch me at all. Afterwards, my friend departs and he walks me to my car where we talk for a few minutes and he asks if I'd be willing to do this again. And like an idiot I say yes.

Date 3:
I know, you're probably shocked. Yes, I'm so desperate that I went out with SOGG a second time because, well, he asked. So, about 3 months later, SOGG sends me an email asking me to a movie…. In a month. He was well aware that my schedule gets full very quickly (not with dates, just with other activities. I can't help that I'm popular!) and he was busy with school, so he called way far in advance (5 points for SOGG!). So I said sure. The night of the date has come and I haven't heard from him SINCE he asked me out. I had sent him an email 2 days before asking for details, but didn't get an email back (Strike one). I have no idea what time he wants to do this thing (Strike two), I've actually reserved the night, so I don't have anything else planned. And then…. Well…. Nothing. By 8:45pm, I'd given up on him. He hadn't called so I didn't want to waste a precious Friday night, so I called up my best gal pal and we planned to meet up for dinner and a movie. Lo and behold, he calls at 9:00pm after I had called him twice in the 7:00 hour. He says he never saw my calls, he never got my voicemail and he never received my email. By this time I'm just ticked and tell him I have made other plans with a friend. He just says she can come with us. I say, no, really its okay. Maybe another time (I didn't think he'd really take me seriously?!).

Date 4:
At this point, let me set the record straight. I'm not a mean person. And neither is SOGG. We're friends. But in all honesty, he's not what most would call a "good" dater. Plus, we had no chemistry.

But I was alone. And not dating. And he asked. So I said yes.

This time he asks me to dinner. At this point, I get that he's not going to follow up so I know not to take this too seriously. The day of the date he calls and asks if we could meet up in an hour down by my house. I say sure. We walk to an Irish pub, where there's suppose to be live music, eat some dinner and then wait for the music. As we sit there talking away (a talent which we both possess), I realize I can't do this. I can't go out with him again and I am not even remotely attracted to him. I know, I know, this sounds mean. But its not anything personal! It was at this moment that I knew I didn't want to go out with him again. I gave it go, didn't I?! He's a nice guy, just not for me.

And that was that. He walked me home, no awkward door scene. And it was done.

A month later, I get the following note from him:

Subject: Non-Commital Make Out Session

If you need to schedule a non committal make out session after working all weekend let me know.

The nerve of him!!! What makes him think I'm the NCMO type?!

Don't worry, this time I knew when to put on the brakes.

* It doesn't matter what the acronym stands for…. I'm not telling you!!

The NCMO

2008-07-30T15:06:00.003-04:00

The oppportunity arose and I decided to seize the day. I mean, how often does a friend of a friend of a friend ask you out? I mean, it's kinda flattering.

I met him on a dark and rainy night. I had fled from my house, trying to save myself from the inevitable flash flood and power outages and decided to join a friend for dinner. At that dinner, SF was there. He was funny, with a potty mouth, but had ambition, a great career, education, all qualities I find attractive. And TALL. (Have I ever mentioned how much I love tall guys?)

So, I was at dinner and as he drank his beer, it became obvious that SF was into me. I'm not dense, I know the signs. He kept trying to make me laugh, talked to me exclusively, and at the end of the night tried to hand me his card (which I think is just a cop out). Instead, I told him to Facebook me. He gave me a hug goodnight and had already requested me as a friend on facebook by the time I got home.

A couple weeks passed and nothing happened. He never tried to contact me in anyway. (Why do guys do that?! They show interest one day and then just forget about you. Further evidence that guys don't even know what they want.) But thanks to the wonders of Facebook Chat, I contacted him. I knew that he thought I was beautiful and had asked about me, so I knew it wouldn't take much encouragement to get him to ask me out. I started a flirty conversation with him which led to him asking me out to drinks. Then we continued our conversation via text message, and it got upgraded to dinner.

Sidenote: I'll be the first to admit that I'm a flirt. However, I don't flirt without cause. When I flirt with a guy its because I'd like to get to know him better, and if he did grow some balls and ask me out, I'd go! And in this case, it was no different.

We planned to meet up 2 days later and we constantly texted back and forth until the day arrived. By this time, I had grown a little fearful because it had become very apparent that he and I didn't share the same moral values and beliefs. As a self-diagnosed prude, the world of sleeping around with near strangers is very foreign to me, but SF had made it clear that he wanted to do more than just dinner.

I ended up meeting him by the metro for dinner, where he took me out to maybe the nicest dinner I've ever had on a date. I discovered it's nice to go out with guys that spend money and have good jobs and nice cars. He was touchy feely with me immediately and I was a little shocked by it. I actually shocked myself at how receptive I was to his advances.

Over dinner, my beliefs did come up, and he communicated that he was aware of my moral standards but we did not dwell on them. I just felt that since he was aware of them, he now knew what to expect (or rather, what NOT to expect).

That being the case, we went back to my house and he pounced. I was surprised at how he managed to respect my boundaries, but at the same time, request me to push them to the side. This is when I realized, I was in the middle of a Non-Commital Make Out (NCMO). I knew that as he asked me to push my boundaries, it wouldn't matter if I did or didn't, he still wasn't going to call. We had fun, but that was that.

The next day as I asked a friend about SF, he expressed his shock when I said I went out with SF. This is when I discovered (and I wasn't really surprised to hear) that SF has repeatedly communicated that sex is very important to him in a relationship and he won't have a relationship without it.

Wow, we were over before we even started.

And, no surprises here, the Sex Fiend never did call.

I want you to want me.... and then wait.

2008-07-15T15:01:00.004-04:00

When I started this blog, I didn't intend for this to be a dating blog, but that's exactly what its turned into. And why should I break with tradition now?!

Recently I've reached a point of frustration. I went out with a guy that was not of my faith, I figured it was all in good fun, no big deal. But in the end, although we had a lovely time, I haven't heard from him and I'm pretty sure I know why.

I wouldn't have sex with him.

Now, I guess it shows that I've been dating a lot of guys of my same standards and had forgotten that this lone standard could be a deal breaker. But why? When my grandparents were my age, they wouldn't think of discussing sex on a first date. But here was a guy that was calling it quits before the game even started. On one hand, its nice to be desired, to feel wanted in that way. However, on the other hand, I feel like crap because he doesn't think I'm worth waiting for. See? There goes my idealistic view on the world. I guess I've watched too many ABC Family Special Movie Presentations.... "If he loves you, he'll wait." I'm 26 years old. I'm too old for this crap.

But what if he doesn't love you, and won't wait to find out if he could love you?

I know, I should just say, "his loss" and be done with it. But I question why it is that this guy is willing to throw away something great just because I won't fulfill his selfish carnal desires. I had no idea I could scare a guy away so quickly.

In the end, my ultimate frustration comes from not being asked out by the guys that have the same standards as me, and then getting rejected by the guys that want me because of my standards. There's gotta be an easier way.

Rebuttal and Some Free Dating Advice

2008-06-12T13:38:00.004-04:00

I was reading a friend's blog and he wrote about dating from the male perspective. I feel as though I should write some sort of rebuttal so all the men out there can know what's up.

In the dating world there's always a lot of finger pointing, but in the end, we need to look at ourselves. I could complain and say that I don't get asked out by guys, but in all honesty I do get asked out. Just not by the guys that I want to ask me out. And thus is life.

This being said, I still go out with guys I'm not interested in. Why? Because although I may not be interested initially, I'm open minded. Almost every relationship I've been in has started because he was interested in me and I wasn't into him. But I gave him a chance, and grew to really like him! I wish I could say that all girls are as open minded as myself, but they aren't.

And hence the bitter guys.

I understand where my friend is coming from, he was saying that girls are too picky. I'll let him in on a secret. What we say and we do are not always the same. If someone were to ask me my type, I'd probably give the uniform answer of "tall, dark, and handsome" and then maybe throw in blue eyes, good teeth, sense of humor, eagle scout, high moral standards, close to his family, doesn't want to live in Utah, etc.... the list could go on and on. BUT when was the last time I went out with a guy like that?

Um.... Never.

Now the kicker. The problem isn't the girls themselves, the guys have a choice of who they ask out and if they are disappointed in the girls, then they need to change who they're asking out. Let me say that again in simpler terms. You're asking out the wrong girls.

Back when I was a young college freshman, I adopted a rule that has served me well. And although I have sometimes cursed this rule, it has served me well for the past 7 (almost 8) years. Wow, I'm getting old.

The rule: If a guy has the balls to ask, I go. At least once.

I think this is common courtesy. This is not a way of leading a guy on, it's just a matter of keeping an open mind.

In closing, I'll touch on the topic of my last blog. Guys, watch and learn. You can thank me later. I'll be waiting for your phone call.

Well, unless you already asked out the blonde.

Dating with a Diva

2008-05-31T01:59:00.002-04:00

She can't help that she's beautiful. And I'm not one to hold it against her, but she is quite the looker. We've been friends since our freshman year in college and still party like we're in college. I LOVE her!

But I hate how guys treat me when she's around.

I become invisible. Or even worse, a means to get to her. If I get another phone call from a guy friend just calling to "chat" and then it turns into a "what do you think your friend would say if I asked her out?" "Tell me about your friend"….. etc, and so forth, I'll shoot myself in the foot! (because what guy wouldn't love going out with a gimp!)

Now, I'm not an ugly person. I don't consider myself to be unattractive, but how does one compete?

Every guy I've met in the past 2 months, who I may or may not have been initially interested in, has expressed an interest in her. I know she's a pretty girl with a great personality, but I'm not too bad either!!

Okay, so I may be complaining now, but I haven't had horrible luck in the past few months with dating. I've gone on a handful of dates, some with people I thought might have some potential, others with guys that just happened to ask. But in the end, I'm still alone.

Is it horrible to think that my friends wouldn't be my friends if she wasn't around? It's amazing that at my ripe old age of 25, I still find myself feeling like the last one chosen for kickball. A consolation prize.

I try not to be bitter. I try to just hold my own and have a good time. But I find myself getting more and more ticked off as I see more and more guys trip over themselves to get to her. And then the jealousy sets in.

This is me trying not to be jealous. How am I doing?

Celebrity Sighting!!

2008-02-28T14:14:00.004-05:00

On Monday night I took a break from my daily routine and went out to dinner with my sister, her hubby, and the baby. They rarely come in town so this was quite the occassion! Where does one take a family of 3 with a small child to dinner in the great city of Washington?

Old Ebbitt Grill. Oh Yeah!

Cheap, friendly, and, who knew, a prime location for a celebrity sighting!

So, there I was standing in the lobby, waiting for our table, talking to my brother-in-law (my sister was changing a diaper.... man, I'm SO glad I didn't accept the invite to go "help" her with that!) when he came down the stairs and walked straight toward me! He even LOOKED at me. Yes, me! He was, no kidding, less than 2 feet away from me!

Being an avid fan of his past work, I recognized him immediately and stood there, starstruck. The entire encounter only lasted maybe 15 seconds, and the only thing I said was, "Oh My GOSH!! ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!" in a frantic whisper to my brother-in-law (he's SO totally oblivious).

Who, may you ask, was this celebrity?

None other than the man that dumped Christina Yang, the man that called George a faggot, and the most gifted cardio-thoracic in the country (okay, so his character did two of those):

Isaiah Washington.

Don't be too jealous.

My small and selfish world

2008-01-29T12:04:00.000-05:00

The Christmas season always brings out the actress in me.

"Oh, I LOVE this sweater!"

"I can never have enough socks!"

"It fits perfect!"

All lies. Everyone of them. I've come to expect my family to attempt to buy me the perfect gift, but rarely does it ever happen. This makes me sounds selfish and ungrateful, I know, but you don't know the guilt I feel for having such exquisite taste! I have to tell them I love the sweater, although I know it will sit in the back of my closet and never be worn.

So what do I do? Is there a way to end this vicious cycle?!

I didn't think so either. Luckily, I'm a fabulous actress. And the family will never have to know my true feelings (unless they someday find this blog, which will prompt the swift destruction of said blog). There's also the chance that I may regift the said items to the wrong person. Hasn't happened yet, so I'm still going good.

Is a gift truly a gift if it wasn't originally intended to be a gift? I totally forgot my sister's birthday back in November and she was on her way in town and I couldn't tell her I didn't have a gift so instead I told her I had a fabulous gift. In a panic, I opened my closet and looked for any piece of clothing that still had the tags on it. AHA!! A sweater! And a pair of shoes!! Sure, I didn't buy the gifts with her in mind, but does that take away from the fact that she loved the gift?

If anything, my sister should be flattered that I gave up a brand new pair of shoes for her!! In my small and selfish world, that is the ultimate sacrifice.

And thus continues my downward spiral...

In case you didn't know...

2007-12-19T14:17:00.001-05:00

Your Kiss is Green

Your kisses are short and sweet - at least a first.
You tend to be a cautious kisser. You don't want to scare anyone off.
Once you get to know someone, your kisses are daring... and even wild.
No matter what the situation is, you know how to deliver the perfect kiss.

Kissing Type: Varied

People See Your Kisses as: Skillful

You Kiss Best With: A Blue Kisser

Stay away from: A Black Kisser

What Color Is Your Kiss?

You know you want to!!

2007-12-19T13:59:00.000-05:00

So, this past weekend my best gal pal got married. It was beautiful, touching, and oh so much fun! But at the same time it made me start to contemplate internet dating once again. She met her now hubby online and he turned out to be a keeper, so should I try it again?

No need to answer that, I already set up my account.

To be completely honest, having an account on an online dating site makes me feel like a total reject. Yet, I know I'm not a reject. I can get dates on my own, but I feel as though opening the gates to the internet might allow me to put myself a little more out there. So, now I'm out there. All the way out there.

In other news, since my friend got married, I feel at a loss. She's gone. She's not coming back. Now what do I do? I find myself relying heavily on my group of girlfriends. I love them all, but its not like they email me everyday to tell me the latest happenings. But my Erin was (and still is) my best friend and now that she's not living nearby, I'm mourning. Who will eat Indian with me every Thursday? Who will go with me to Chipotle and sneak the food into a movie? Who will listen as I lament of lost loves and my pathetic (yet drama-filled) life?

Too much of a whine fest? Yeah, I thought so too.

Next week is Christmas and I'm OH-SO-EXCITED! I love giving presents to my family and I find it quite a challenge to find them the perfect something. However, the hardest part of buying gifts is not buying something for myself. Which I failed to do yet again this year. I can't pass up on Nordstrom. I can't afford it, but I can't pass it up either. So, I bought myself a new jacket for the holidays and a piece of jewelry to go with it. Shame on me!!

Yeah, so this is where I now encourage all my friends to get internet dating accounts and to swap stories with me.

Because if I'm going to be a reject, I'm not going down alone.

Trying not to be dramatic

2007-11-29T10:24:00.000-05:00

As I was speaking with some friends the other night, they pointed out that I was a drama queen. This might come as a shock to you, but it had never occurred to me! I just figured my life was full of drama, but that I, myself, was not actually a drama queen. Can I help it if drama is drawn to me like bees to honey. Like a moth to a flame. Don't know which analogy is better.

Having recently re-entered the dating scene, I'm now prone to various degrees of drama. If you weren't aware, boys produce drama. Especially the boys I usually go out with. Recently, more drama has come up and I'm just not feeling like I want to deal with it. Normally when it comes to these kind of events, I'd talk to my friends about it, but now I feel I need to hold back. I don't want to be a drama queen. But how do I avoid being a drama queen when people constantly ask me about the drama?

Ugh.

My recent drama is brought on by a boy. The problem I have is he's all talk. It might sound horrible, but he has said things to me that most girls would kill to hear; however, I don't believe him. I think he's all talk.

Since this drama arose, I've had a song running through me head nonstop (seeing that I was a music major, this should come as no surprise). It may sound corny, but I feel like my life is coming full circle, that at any moment I'll burst out in song and my wish will come true. My life will be a musical.

Of course, the song of my life right now is "Show Me" from My Fair Lady. In case you aren't familiar, here's how it goes:

Freddy:
Speak and the world is full of singing,
And I'm winging Higher than the birds.
Touch and my heart begins to crumble,
The heaven's tumble, Darling, and I'm...

Eliza:
Words! Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?
Don't talk of stars Burning above; If you're in love,
Show me! Tell me no dreams
Filled with desire. If you're on fire,
Show me! Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that
This is no time for a chat! Haven't your lips
Longed for my touch? Don't say how much,
Show me! Show me! Don't talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!
Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time, Show me!
Don't talk of June, Don't talk of fall!
Don't talk at all! Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn't one I haven't heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Say one more word and I'll scream!
Haven't your arms Hungered for mine?
Please don't "expl'ine," Show me! Show me!
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!

This sums up my feelings right now. Although I won't have the nerve to say it to the boy because I'm so kind hearted and I don't want to crush the poor boy. Come to think of it, I don't really feel all that sorry for him.

Yeah, so with my drama, I'm trying not to be dramatic.

Or should I just embrace my drama-queen self? Another friend suggested that without drama, I wouldn't be able to function. That I thrive on drama. That without drama, I'd die of boredom. I hope that isn't true.

I have dreams that someday my life will have no drama. I'll have a house with a white pickett fence, a hubby, a dog, 2.5 children, and live in the suburbs. And I'll be happy. I won't have drama. I'll have friends that have drama (I have to stay amused!), but I won't have drama. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

As long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a McDoctor for my McHubby, a McDog, and painfree child labor. Oh, and of course, World Peace.

A girl can dream.

I'm BA-ACK!!

2007-09-12T08:58:00.000-04:00

Having just re-entered the dating scene, I find it all to be a little overwhelming. Funny how quickly I forgot the monotony of it all.

What do I mean? Let me give you an example.

I've known this guy for years. He's never really shown any interest and I was okay with that. But then a few weeks ago, he started seeking me out, showing an interest. I go on a group outting and he's there, he shows a genuine interest in me and even recalls some details that I had told him in the past (a definite plus). However, then another girl shows up and he's completely distracted. Sadly, this guy suffers from what I call colonialization.

No, I'm not using the webster's definition at this point.

Colonialization is a process that happens to many individuals in the DC area, but it is more common among the males. It begins when the individual comes to the DC area and meets all the nice, potentially dateable people. This individual then seeks out a particular individual, persuing with due haste, only to get distracted by the next attractive individual. Why settle for what they've seen when there's so much they haven't seen?! Why would they settle for this particular person (no matter how wonderful he or she is) when they could possibly, maybe, perhaps do better? So, they get distracted. They start going for the next attractive person, only to get distracted again and again. Unfortunately, it's a never-ending process because there's a constant flow of new people into this area.

So, yes. This guy suffers from colonialization. He will only talk to me when I'm the best option in the room, but when I'm not, he quickly ditches me.

Guys can sometimes suck like that.

However, I can't with all honesty say that I haven't suffered from colonialization. Yes, I too fell into the trap of the grass-is-always-greener-on-the-otherside mindset.

And it was fun.

For a spell.

Then I committed, fell in love, got hurt, and here I am again! It seems to be a never-ending cycle. Well, not never-ending. Hopefully, someday it will end. And when it does, I'm expecting a large rock to be on my finger.

In other news, I think I must be ovulating or something. Yesterday proved to be an interesting day... especially for a gal just entering the dating pool. It started off with the security guy (and no, he's not a security guard, he does our clearances and stuff) stopping at my desk and talking to me for quite awhile. We met in an elevator one day and he's a cutie. So, we talked and really clicked. And it was nice.

But then later, as I was walking into church in the evening, some guys were walking ahead of me. Not just guys, cute guys. They stopped suddenly, turned around, waited for me, and then proceeded to introduce themselves, and accompany me into the building. Just so you know, that never happens to me. And then they encouraged me to accompany them to a certain bible study class. I politely declined as I had some business to attend to, but wowsers! Hot boys talked to me?!

And then later, I heard a couple of guys talking about the massive campout that I planned a few weeks ago, one was asking questions, so I interjected and provided some answers... along with some witty banter. They then introduced themselves and proceeded to talk to me for a couple of minutes until I politely excused mmyself. And they were cute to boot!

See, I have no idea why this happens to me. Last night I managed to meet 4 attractive young men. I had conversations with 5 guys in all yesterday. I think that's a record.

So, I'm back in the dating scene. The dating pool. The meat (or is it meet?) market. Or whatever you want to call it.

When you need a laugh

2007-09-06T15:38:00.000-04:00

I won't deny that I've had some hard days in the past few weeks, but I have found great joy in YouTube.

Now, anyday I feel like I need to be cheered up, I just watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbVtbc_XzrI

And yes, that is Donny Osmond.

Jane Austen and me

2007-09-04T14:32:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing... but here's how I ranked:

Take the Quiz here!

What does this mean? See below:

:: M A R I A N N E ::

You are Marianne Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are impulsive, romantic, impatient, and perhaps a little to vocal in your honesty. You enjoy romantic poetry and novels, and play the pianoforte beautifully. To boot, your singing voice is captivating. You feel deeply, and love passionately.

Oh, well. See how you fare and let me know!

Endurance for the Playground

2007-08-28T09:18:00.000-04:00

So, as to not cause worry among all my readers, I will post another blog to let you know I'm still alive.

Yes, my last post was far too depressing and sappy for my taste. Gag me with a spoon!

So, I will continue.

My last blog made me sound weak. And I don't like that. Why is it that we (women) let men get to us in that way? One minute we're unstoppable, independent, and confident; the next we're cowering in the corner, rocking back and forth in the fetal position. I don't think its acceptable.

I won't deny that I'm depressed. Who wouldn't be in my situation? But I won't let it defeat me.

In recent days I've realized how much music and movies can influence our perception of love. On Sunday night some boys were intrigued by our fascination with Jane Austen, and decided to take a look. What they found was shocking, to them and to me.

Girls like to be treated like crap. It happens in Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, and countless others. The man treats the woman poorly, and they hate each other, but at the same time there's something erotic about it. In the end they all come together and live happily ever after. Its enough to make you vomit. Maybe its our grade-school version of love. He pulls your hair, you hit him, then he chases you around the playground until he finally catches you and TA DA!! You're now a couple!

If only it were that easy now.

I don't want a guy that treats me like crap, looking back I allowed 6'4 guy to treat me abominably ill and it makes me angry. He was dishonest and secretive, and I let him get away with it. I'm such a sucker. I'm sick of it. And I don't think any girl should take that kind of treatment. I can't believe that I took that kind of treatment. I guess it goes to show what happens to a girl when she falls in love.

But, hey! I'm back on the market. Or in the market. Or whatever it is.

So send some nice guys my way, I promise to kick them in the shins.

Breath in and out, one day at a time

2007-08-24T10:03:00.000-04:00

Things have been hell these past few months. 6'4 guy ran out West to slay dragons and I was left behind with only a memory. But I had hope.

But things have changed. And what I thought was hell is nothing compared to what I'm going through now. I understand now why people want to just curl up in bed and die.

Yes, I guess you could say I'm depressed. Here's how it happened:

I went out to see 6'4 guy. I flew all the way out there, and I was upset at him. But the moment I saw him all that anger melted away and I just wanted to be with him. He made everything better. But I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me.

I've known for awhile he's been holding out on me. I know he's been struggling with something, but wouldn't share. He wouldn't communicate. He sucks at using the phone.

So I drag it out of him. And I can't say I didn't expect it. But at the same time, I wasn't ready to hear it. His past came up and bit me in the ass. I can't give specifics because its not my place to tell, but his revelation changed everything. Except the way I feel about him.

The moment he was truly honest with me was the moment I loved him most. And never had I wanted to marry him more.

Unfortunately, we're not at that place. We're taking time apart. He's leaving on a service mission for 5 months and is encouraging me to date. And I gave him his ring back. I've grown awful attached to that little band of gold. I miss it. I miss what it symbolizes, I miss the potential it gave me, I miss what it meant to me.

And now I'm just suppose to date.

Date?! Are you kidding me!?! How am I suppose to date when the mear thought of another guy makes me physically ill? When I imagine another man grabbing my hand I shutter. The thought of kissing another man makes me cry out in pain.

He thinks I've taken it all well. But in reality I'm devistated. I've sobbed for the past 5 days. I've lost 10 pounds in 5 days. I don't want to live without him.

I don't know what's worse... the hope of him coming back to me in a number of months (because it is a possibility), or just giving up on that hope and moving on. Both are painful. I don't know where to go from here. Do I move on and forget about him or do I save a spot in my heart for him?

I guess what makes it that much more difficult when we love each other and just can't be together. And because he loves me, he wants me to try to move on without him, no matter how hard that is on him.

Yes, I know it sounds like a line. But I'm confident its not. So he loves me. I know he does. For so long I thought that this relationship had come too easily for him. He didn't suffer, he didn't sacrifice. But after talking with his family, I now understand.

He's more than I ever hoped he could be.

But I need to try to move on. I can't hold my breath. I have to choke down the bile that's in my throat and just continue. Just endure. Breath in and out. Drag myself out of bed. And keep going. He wants me to be happy, so I need to try.

Maybe not today. Or tomorrow. But someday.

In the meantime, I'm doing better. I showered. I got dressed. I went to work. That's better than I did yesterday and the day before that. As long as I keep progressing, everything will be okay.

And everything will be okay. Eventually. I just need time.

And I wouldn't mind losing another 5 pounds. (If I'm depressed I might as well get some weightloss out of it! Word.)

Drama, drama, drama

2007-08-07T14:59:00.000-04:00

As of late, I've noticed that all of my friends are slacking in the blogging department. Is this because they're so busy, or because they have nothing to say? Being that they're friends with me, I'm going to guess the first.

If there is anything I'm known for its drama. Drama drama drama! I don't mean to be such a drama queen but I'm a magnet for drama. I can't dodge it, try as I might!

As for my life, it has continued. I quit my last job for one that is more fulfilling. And fun. And the people are nicer. And the building is great. And my desk is big. And my boss is awesome. And the paycheck is bigger. Yes, that is key.

You're jealous aren't you?

Hm… what else has been going on?

I bought a new car. A brand new car! Poor Molly (my '96 Toyota Camry) has been carted off to be sold to some cruel and heartless teenager that will surely abuse her. So sad. I miss her.

But now there's Lola. (Yes, I name my cars). Lola is beautiful. Very pretty. And slightly cocky. Her strut is that of a high end prostitute. She's got the regular features one would expect of a car, but I had her upgraded. Yes, she's already had some work done. So now when she struts down the street, she can know that she's got the heart of leather and looks great with her top down.

As interested as you may be in my car buying expeditions, they're over. Hence, I don't find them nearly as amusing now as I use to. Car salesmen are the worst. I don't like them at all. In the end I opted for the saleswoman. And I loved her. I still do actually. So, if you need to get a car, I have the gal for you!

Shall we dive into my love life?

Only if we must. Yes, the boyfriend proposed. He did. In April. Have I given him an answer yet? Um….. no. You might think that I'm torturing the poor boy but that is NOT the case. If anything it is the other way around.

And yes, the boyfriend is 6'4 guy. Or as I've been calling him lately: Big Jerkface.

Okay, maybe that was a little harsh.

Here's the drama (I know you've been dying to hear it all):

To recap, 6'4 proposed in mid-April after only 2 months of dating (un-exclusive dating on my part). From henceforth, I have dated him, and only him. I'm trying this whole "monogamy" thing. I would have to say, it's very trying. He met the fam. It all seemed to be going well. Except that I didn't know if I wanted to marry him. He was kind and giving and attentive and affectionate. And it was good.

But then the family turned. From what I have heard, they told him he couldn't support me. He had no money. So he set out to seek his fortune in the great state of Oregon (although I'm starting to doubt of its greatness… no offense to Oregonites out there. Or are they called Oregonians?)

That was 2 1/2 months ago. When he left originally, it was with a promise that he'd be back in 3 short weeks. And then he got offered a short term position that he just couldn't turn down. And that's when he added another 3 months on to that. Doesn't seem fair, does it?

So, what I don't get is that when he left, he left with the promise he'd be coming back. He has yet to do that. And now he's saying he's not sure he is coming back to D.C.

I can't be surprised. He doesn't have a job here. He doesn't have anywhere to live. The problem is he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life!!

I was all about supporting him in whatever he chose to do, but GOODNESS SAKE! He needs to figure out a career and get started.

Now here's the part where I get upset. So, he tells me he's out in Oregon, working 2 jobs, he's exhausted, and he doesn't have time to call. I try to be understanding.

But then he doesn't call for 5 days!!!

And then I find out that he's been taking time off. How in the world do you take time off from a temporary job?! Its all beyond me.

So, the kicker is this…. He says he's in Oregon because of me, but the only reason he'd come back to DC is because of me. How can he be in two places at once BECAUSE OF ME?!

Boys are dumb.

My frustrations have been mounting for 2 1/2 months now. You can figure that in that 2 1/2 months, I've maybe spoken to him twice a week. I can only recall one or two conversations that were an hour. Most are 5 minute conversations. How am I supposed to sustain a relationship on that?!

Yes, I'm a bit frustrated… because boys suck.

So, he sucks at long distance relationships, he hates the phone… oh, and he totally screwed up my birthday. What did I get? Nada. Nothing. Zilch! I finally got some flowers over 2 weeks late! And then there's me. I'm bound and determined that if this relationship doesn't work out, its not because of anything I did or didn't do. I'm putting everything into this so I can live without regret. I just can't stand to hear my mother say, "If only you had _________ it would've worked out".

Not this time. I'm covering my bases. I'm not smothering him, but I'm being loving and giving. I'm sending him care packages almost every week. I call him no more than once a day, if I call at all. I am practicing a whole lotta restraint.

Well, now I'm headed out to Oregon in about a week. I get to meet his whole family and see what happens. When I spoke to 6'4 ever-so-briefly yesterday, he sounded monotone, whereas his mother sounded estatic. Shouldn't he be excited to see me after almost 3 months apart?!

Guys are stupid.

So, I'm throwing a large wad of cash at the airline just so I can get peace of mind. I could go out there and it could be wonderful. Or not. I'm prepared for either. If only he'd take the ring back. Ugh.

Drama, drama, drama.

As it turns out, my music selection sucks (as demonstrated below)

2007-05-10T13:19:00.000-04:00

Directions: Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. No cheating. (I totally would've done this earlier by my iPod battery died and I haven't been able to find my cords to recharge, so finally I begged one off my brother-in-law. Man, I wish I could find my cords. Annoying much?!)

How am I feeling today? Someday (I’m Coming Back) – Lisa Stansfield – The Bodyguard Soundtrack…. What’s that supposed to mean?! I’m coming back? To what? Huh? So confused.

Will I get far in life? Growing Young – Remember the Promise EFY CD…. If I’m growing young I guess that means I’m actually going backwards. Makes sense.

How do my friends see me? Sugar - Tonic, or maybe: #2 Pickpockets – Ocean’s 11 (So I guess my friends see me as super sweet, like sugar or that I’m trying to steal their cash. Funny, its right on both accounts. Hehe.)

When will I get Married? #1 Run to You – Bryan Adams, #2 A Knife in the Dark – Fellowship of the Ring Soundtrack…. Wow, that second one just makes me want to give up hope. Is that like a shot in the dark? Does that mean there’s still a chance? (Well, most likely since I still have 6’4 guy around.)

What's my theme song? As the Dew from Heaven Distilling – Lex De Azevedo with the London National Orchestra (Okay, I KNOW that’s not right! I have WAY too much church music on my iPod right now. Lets try again.) #2 Time of My Life – The Watson Twins – Southern Manners (it was on Grey’s Anatomy awhile back. I’ll take it.)

What is the story of my life? The Flame – Cheap Trick (Dang, my songs aren’t fun at all, its all a bunch of sappy crap. I’m starting to think all my friends cheated. That and I have a crappy music collection.)

How can I get ahead in life? #1 Piano Smasher – Blue Man Group (Honest? People can actually have a career doing that?! That’d be awesome! And I bet a good workout too!) #2 Kashmir – Led Zeppelin (Um… okay.)

What is my best feature? When I close my eyes – Kenny Chesney (Does that mean all my features are good? Or that I’m so hideous that you need to close your eyes?!)

How is today going to be? Good for You – Third Eye Blind (That one seems pretty straight forward. I’m gonna have a good day… for me. Does that mean it could be bad for someone else?!?)

What is in store for this weekend? #1 Bold as Love – Hendrix (well, I am spending the weekend with my family and boyfriend… and my boyfriend has been very BOLD by staying with my family for the past 2 weeks…. But that’s a story for another time), #2 Badlands – Bruce Springsteen (Okay, well, considering I’m spending the weekend with my family, it could become bad. So I’d say this is pretty accurate.)

What is my life like at the moment? A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief – HIMS (Wow, my life is SO depressing!)

What song describes my secrets? A Foggy Day (in London Town) – Michael Buble (Does that mean they’re good secrets, but that I’m all foggy? Whatever. I don’t care. I LOVE Michael Buble!!)

What is my current lover like? #1 V’adoro pupille – Handel – Sung by Sumi Jo (Now if only I knew what that meant? Sounds like it could be a good thing. Is that Italian?) #2 AM Radio – Everclear (I guess he is kinda old school. I can deal with that.)

What song will they play at my funeral? Cry – Faith Hill (Totally appropriate!)

How does the world see me? Its Not Just Me – Rascal Flats (I guess this is fate telling me that the world doesn’t revolve around me. Whatever. It so does. )

Will I have a happy life? Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank – Barenaked Ladies (Um… I don’t get it… I hope ya’ll are getting the connection here because I’m not!), #2 The Lord’s Prayer – HIMS (Crap! I need to get rid of some of this church music. It’s totally cramping my style!)

What do my friends really think of me? Gotta Get Through this – Daniel Bedingfield (Are you saying I’m difficult?!)

Do people secretly lust after me? #1 Barbie Girl (Punk Version) – HomeGrown (guys like Barbies, right?!), #2 Fooling Yourself – Styx (Ouch! That hurt!)

Will I accomplish my goals in life? Running – No Doubt (Well, if I’ll be running then at least I’ll be skinny! Or maybe it means I’ll finally like to run!)

Will I find true love? #1 Wasting my Time – Default (Double Ouch!) #2 I Drove All Night – Cyndi Lauper (Again, this one I just don’t get.)

How do I treat others? Dare to Dream – JoDee Messina (That’s me! I’m awesome! I encourage other’s to reach for the stars. Wow! I’m awesome (and humble too)!!!)

I'd tag someone else to do it, but it seems like I'm the last one to do this one. Oh well.

Oh, and just a note:

I quit my job. I quit my CRAPPY job! WOOHOO! I'm taking 2 weeks off before starting my other job! Two weeks to do nothing but enjoy myself. I think this calls for a trip to NYC! Too bad I won't have any money. Bummer.

Its not impossible to render me speechless

2007-04-17T15:14:00.000-04:00

Remember when you were little and you use to play Barbies and then Ken would come along, all handsome and perfect, and have not one single flaw and sweep Barbie (I always named my Barbies Rose or Aurora... me and Disney princesses. Thankfully I've almost grown out of it!) So, I'd dream up my own prince with an impossible list of characteristics.

But what happens when you get exactly what you ask for?

I'm still dating the 6'4 guy, and I would have you know, he's totally crazy about me. Maybe more than crazy about me. And I'm kinda diggin' this guy too. There's got to be something wrong with this guy because he wants to marry me.

Yes, you heard me right. Marriage.

And although I may seem calm, cool, and collected, using nothing but periods and commas, I can assure you I'm feeling nothing but question marks and exclamation points inside (WHAT THE *&#%$?!!?!?!?!?!). Every girl imagines this time in her life, what he'll do, how she'll react.... so what happens when it takes you all by surprise? What happens when you just don't feel ready?
Well, I'll tell you. That's when you sit and stare and just remain silent.

Still silent.

Ready to further complicate matters?

My family met him this weekend. By family I mean my sister, her husband, my nephew, my mother, my baby brother, and my grandparents. It wasn't exactly planned. But I was all prepared for all of them to hate him, because they've always hated the guys I've dated. So I'm all prepped for the worst and what happens?!

THEY LOVE HIM?!!!

How can they all love him? How can my grandfather give his blessing if I haven't even said yes yet? How can my mom encourage me to plan a life with him? How can my sister start planning the spacing of my children? How can 6'4 guy plan the honeymoon IF I HAVEN'T GIVEN AN ANSWER?!

On the otherhand, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!

A guy that seems as close to perfect as I can find, my own 6'4 Ken Doll, and I can't make up my mind. What kinda girl can't make up her mind and her heart?

There were times this weekend when I looked at him and thought, "I want to marry you!" but then there were other moments when I looked at him and thought, "Why in the world am I going out with you?!" I figure I can't give him an answer until these doubts go away. But do they ever go away?

Doesn't this all seem a little fast? What's the rush?! My eggs aren't spoiling anytime soon. My uterus isn't trying up for another 20 years. I have time.

Then why do I feel rushed?

Oh yeah, because I'm a 24-year-old virgin. Stupid hormones!

And now I realize I want what I can't have. When I have a ..... a........ a...... boyfriend (sorry, that word is so foreign to me. First time I said it I almost vomitted. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.) I want to hang out with my girlfriends and just play the field a bit. But before, all I wanted was a guy. Yes, I think I may be emotionally disturbed.

So, girls and boys, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

And then what?

When you figure it out, let me know.

Online Dating and you (okay, not you, me)

2007-03-11T00:47:00.000-05:00

I think I've mentioned before that I've joined the pathetic ranks of online daters. Something I'm not proud of, but its too late now. The past 4 months have been filled with frustration as 50-year-old divorcees message me, and all the twenty-somethings are only interested in my butt and my boobs. If I ever read the phrase "what are you wearing?" again, I'll ..... do something bad. Not sure yet, I'll wait and see what happens.

So, yeah. I've had guys all over the globe contact me too. I'm very popular with guys in the Middle East. Pakistan especially. No Europeans though. Bunch of snobs.

So, then it happens. My membership comes up for renewal. What do I do?

4 months. Of tears and frustration. Of violation and rejection. And then it happened.

Someone normal contacted me.

I mean, I hope he's normal. We've exchanged emails, text messages, phone calls, and yes, we've even gone out a few times. Did I mention he's even local? Why do I tell you this? Because after over 8 years in the dating world (3 of which I spent in a drought)

I'M REALLY DATING!!!

Craziness, I know.

Yes, and it gets better. Ever heard the phrase, "when it rains it pours?"

Very true.

All of a sudden, guys are coming out of the woodwork. And not all guys online, they're everywhere! What have I done? I have no idea, but its like I've opened the pandora's box of dating.

I actually managed to go on not one, not two, but THREE (count 'em!) dates in the past 24 hours! What kinda girl does that?!

I'm happy to report.... ME!!

Before you get totally jealous, each guy has their own flaws. But they have proved to have excellent taste in that they are pursuing me.

To be totally honest, the online guy is the forerunner of the bunch. He's one of those great-on-paper guys. Tall (6'4), smart, college grad, working on his masters, return missionary (yes, he's mormon), and is so funny! When I talk with him, the time just flies by. But yes, he has flaws. Don't all guys?

The guy I went out with last night... not a keeper. It was a blind date and I doubt I'll ever see him again (and I'm not upset about that). But whatever.

Then there's ..... okay, let me pre-empt this by saying, you aren't allowed to judge me, okay?...... 35-guy. Yes, he's still around. (Remember, you promised not to judge me!) Did I mention that I'm not so much interested in him as he's interested in me. And he pays for dinner.... And he's an overall good guy that didn't check out a single girl the whole night we were out tonight.....And he was on me like white on rice tonight! Yeah, he digs me. No doubt. Don't look at me that way! I didn't put out!

Unfortunately, 35-guy is giving me the attention I want desperately from my forerunner, 6'4 guy. He's a slow mover. Or he's gay. Take your pick.

Oh, and I didn't cancel my online dating account. I thought about it, and then I caved. Yes, I'm still pathetic.

I guess in the end, what I'm trying to say is this: Online dating can get you a date. With a guy that feels as equally pathetic as you.

A Weighty Gain....my eminent doom

2007-01-03T10:07:00.000-05:00

Duh-un.... Duh-un ... (Jaw's theme)

The music intensifies as I approach the scale.

Duh-un, Duh-un, Duh-un!

EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!

The numbers come rolling up as I face my eminent doom.

I take a deep breath and look.

Phew.

3 pounds gained ain't bad!

I was all prepped to have gained 10 pounds, so 3 ain't bad! I'll have that off within 2 weeks.

A strange thing happened yesterday. Very strange indeed. I craved a salad.

GASP!

Oh, the HORROR!

I've reached a point where I crave healthy food. I guess that can happen after eating nothing but crap for 9 days. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

I do have some good news. The year without chocolate has officially come to an end! A WHOLE YEAR!! Now that I’m so much smarter and stronger than everyone else, I’ll share some wisdom. Chocolate wasn’t as good as I remembered it. My friends had prepared me sufficiently. Many of them gave me gifts of excellent chocolate for Christmas. But here’s what I learned. The only good chocolate is that in a Reese cup. I could eat those things forever! I’ve missed hot chocolate, and I’m glad to be drinking it again, since I never was a big fan of apple cider. I mean, come on! Its just warm apple juice! What’s so special about that?!

So, the year without chocolate taught me the majesty of butterscotch. And peanut butter.

My favorite snacks: Butterscotch haystacks, peanut butter cookies, and peanut brittle.

It doesn’t get much better than that.

To update, I’ve been doing the online dating service thing. To put things simply: It sucks.

Yeah, its like being violated over and over again! I’ve come to find out that men over the age of 40 find me attractive. And I’m not talking George Clooney, Brad Pitt over 40…. I’m talking very unattractive old men with kids and a receding hairline. I’ve blocked quite a few of them.
I’ll never be THAT desperate!

Yeah, so the most horrid Christmas Card photo that ever was hit the mailboxes of all my family and friends. How horrifying! Every single family member commented that I’d lost a lot of weight. I think that speaks to the awful-idity of the photo. Sure, I’ve lost like 15 pounds since then, but it doesn’t show THAT much.

Remember how I told you I was a sellout? My job continues to pay me well; however, my excitement over the job has waned and now I’m ready to move on. Will I? No. I refuse to leave my cushy paycheck until I go to grad school. That’s my incentive.

The problem is, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Last week it was a nurse. This week it’s a lawyer. I just know I want to make money. I’d be a teacher but it doesn’t pay well enough. But the more I think about it, the more summers off looks good to me!
Are there any careers out there at require a music degree but practice medicine and law that allows you to make lots of money?

Man, I knew I should’ve gone for a career as a professional student.

Picture Perfect in Singledom

2006-11-26T22:27:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone, for that I am thankful. Thanksgiving has never been one of my favorite holidays. I barely ranks above Valentines Day, if you get my drift. Family fight breakout in the kitchen over whose gravy is best and who can carve a turkey (my grandfather isn't allowed to!).

It might sound odd. But that's how it goes. No football. No kid tables. Just bickering in the kitchen as the menfolk sit around with their brandy talking politics. And we have to get dressed up!! I hate that! I have to put on a skirt to stand in the kitchen all day. It just doesn't make sense to me. I can assure you that once I get married this is one holiday I will opt to spend with the in-laws. I just pray it involves football!

After the food is over and done with, we proceed to help my grandmother bring up all her Christmas decorations and put them up. This usually means I get ordered around, then they tell me to find something in a closet somewhere (this year it was extension cords), which is never where they say it is. Heaven forbid you don't find it!

Yes, like an idiot, I thought when they said the "right" side of the pantry in a ziploc bag, that meant I go to the pantry and look on the right side for a ziploc bag of extension cords?! I was afraid to go back empty handed so I stupidly found a white extension cord loose in the pantry and brought that to them.

Big mistake.

This launched into a discussion of how if-you-want-something-done-right-you-have-to-do-it-yourself. I feel like a moron. Yet, they were unable to find the extension cords and somehow I still manage to be the dumb one. Gotta love that!

Oh, and I love how everytime my grandfather would talk of my "achievements" he wouldn't bring up my job or my talents, just my mere approximation to the current Miss Virginia (she was a former roommate and still a very close friend.... if you ask about her, I'll stab myself with a fork!).

Oh, then my mom decided to do out Christmas cards this weekend. But she didn't warn us ahead of time so none of us brought our good clothes. Then she said she wanted to take the pictures first thing this morning.*

We avoided doing this.

So, after sitting in traffic for over 5 hours to get back home, my mom is so excited to tell me that we're doing a collage for our Christmas cards. I was thinking this was a great idea since my family has plenty of pictures to chose from. I mean, to be honest, I looked pretty good this past weekend, if I do say so myself!

So... they (my mom, sister, and brother-in-law) proceed to email me the Christmas card. Its beyond horrible. I mean, the pictures are good except for the one of me.

Hm... how can I put this into words?

Imagine pictures of a beautiful family all dressed up in their Sunday best, perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect smiles. Then a picture inserted on the side of a seemingly chubby girl with wildly frizzy hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, wearing absolutely no makeup, and a white shirt that just adds to the general bloat of the picture.

Yeah, that about describes it.

When I tell them that the picture of me is horrible, they just don't seem to understand!

WHAT?!?!!

Yes, and to make things better I give them several example of great pictures of me. My mom said none of them were that good.

Now I'm just terrified that I actually look "in real life" like I do in that picture! My sister said that if I don't like it, I can just send out my own Christmas cards. I know most people just are on pins and needles waiting for the Christmas card from a single girl with a picture of her in front of her lonely Christmas tree. I'm not quite that secure in my singledom. Maybe someday. But not today.

Yes, so in the matter of a weekend, I've managed to tick off my whole family.

It's a talent.

I know, you're way jealous!

*If you know anything about curly hair, you'd know this is a bad thing. Curly hair cannot be blowdried unless you want a frizzy mess. Hence, the pictures would've either looked like my sister and I had our hair plastered to our heads or we would've looked like we put our finger in an electric socket. a.k.a. not a good thing.

Update: Guys still suck*

2006-10-22T01:51:00.000-04:00

I'm not usually one to complain. Okay, scratch that.

I'm not one to complain about a lot of thing; however, lately I've been filled with frustration. It may be the PMS talking (most likely), but my frustration levels are at an all time high.

I started my new job this week. I guess its going well. I really have no idea what I'm doing, but who cares as long as I'm getting paid well to do it, right? I do miss having free time at work. My supervisor never seems to need a break... I mean, we never even had lunch on Tuesday OR Friday.

I have other frustrations as well.

On Friday I was talking to my trainer and he asked about my personal life... a.k.a. My dating life. It's not easy to tell people that you aren't dating. He automatically just assumed that it was because I was "focusing on my career right now," as I've heard some girls say. Not so for me. I just had to explain to him that I don't date because NO ONE ASKS!!

My trainer then did his normal speech..."You're so beautiful, so charming, upbeat, full of life," blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. He then says, "When we finish getting you in tip top shape, you won't have room in your calendar for all the dates you'll be asked on."

He obviously doesn't know me that well.

I had to assure him that it wouldn't matter if I weight 100 pounds or 300 pounds, I still wouldn't be able to get a date because something must me wrong with me. And on top of that, there's something wrong with the guys around here. I have plently of gorgeous friends that are perfectly thin and have great personalities that never get asked out.

Hard to believe, but true.

My trainer seemed shocked by all this (as shocked as a 48-year old crooked-toothed, toupe wearing trainer can be). So, I began to think maybe I was blowing it all out of proportion.

Then today happened.

This afternoon there was big Fall Festival for all the singles in the area. It was supposed to be quite a crowd. Since I'm on the activities committee, I was asked to volunteer at the Donut-On-A-String booth. (By asked I mean they asked me to volunteer at "some" booth and I picked the booth which I thought would attact the most members of the opposite sex).

It began well. I talked to guys, I was loud but charming. I met some nice guys, some attractive guys, guys which I thought might show some promise.

But I was wrong.

These guys were nice, they spoke to me, and then nothing.

Nothing.

I got all dollied up for nothing. Not a number, date, nothing.

Unless you count the weird Hispanic guy...(he SO doesn't count)! But just to cover my bases, if you meet a young short Hispanic guy wearing a yellow fleece and he asks about me... I'm out of town for the next 6 weeks. *wink wink*

However, if any other guy asks about me... oh, at this point I'll take just about any Andy or Jason that shows an interest... send him my way.

*I reserved the right to retract this comment if any semi-decent guy comes along and attempts to prove otherwise. However, until then, this comment stands.

P.S. I saw Marie Antoinette tonight. Was a decent movie up until the end. What good is a movie about her if there's no decent sex scene? Or at least a little violence? Way too much was left up to the imagination. Hollywood took away our imaginations long ago, they can't just expect us to start using them again at this point! Oh, and the ending was disappointing. I actually had to come home and wikipedia Marie to answer all my questions.

On the positive side, its the first time I've been inspired to investigate history in over a year. I'll share what I discovered. Yeah, the French... not so nice to Marie Antoinette and her family. It truly sucked to be her, hardcore.

What's up, yo?

2006-10-09T00:36:00.000-04:00

Yes, I've been sucking at the whole "blogging" thing. But try to cut me some slack. I've had a rough couple of weeks. First, big news.

I quit my job.

I didn't just outrightly quit it, I gave my two weeks notice. Don't go panicing. Here's how it all went down.

I've had my resume on one of those job search websites for awhile, and I get weekly announcements about jobs that I'm a possible match for. I had just gotten promoted at my job, but the raise was pitiful. Insulting even. So, when an opportunity arose, I took it.

Sure, it wasn't my ideal job, but I figured I could go to the interview, make sure I still had my interviewing skills (my record was 3-0 at this point). I went into the interview, totally relaxed, to be honest, I didn't care if I got the job or not. I figured if they offered me the job, I'd take the offer to my boss and he'd counter-offer and I'd stay with the company, just making more money.

Great plan, huh?

Well, in the end I thought I botched the interview, plus by the end of the interview, I was like, "I SO don't want that job!"... but wouldn't you know they contacted me 2 days later and offered me the job... with a 20% raise over my current salary. That kinda took my breath away. I thought it over for a few days. I got the offer on a Friday, the following Monday I took it into my boss, hoping for the best. Instead he just fed me some crap about how his hands were tied since I'd just gotten a raise (a crappy raise) and then he promised a bunch of future positions that don't currently exist.

I was torn. I like my job. Well, maybe "like" is too strong of a word. I'm content at my job. I like most of the people I work with. But a 20% raise is nothing to scoff at.

So after talking to my family and doing a great deal of thinking... I decided to take the job.

I almost cried when I turned in my resignation letter. My boss made me feel so guilty.

Since then, I've been going nonstop. I'm training a temporary fill-in. Plus, I'm trying to finish up my open projects before I leave. Between the training and all the work I'm doing, I haven't taken a lunch break since I put in my notice. Most people have been saying that this is a time I should be slacking. But not me. I think the last two weeks are the tell-all of someone's character. I mean, I want a good recommendation in the future, so I figure I should work my tail off until the end. And that's exactly what I'm doing. My last day is Wednesday.

Oh, besides that, I went to Pittsburgh last weekend to see the Blue Man Group. They were totally great by the way! Pittsburgh; however, was not so great. That city is horrid! I mean, I've been to DC and New York, I went to Philadelphia a few years ago, but Pittsburgh takes the cake! The whole city closes at 6pm! And after 6 the streets are filled with nothing but scary looking folk. I put my brave face on... the one where I walk around with confidence, looking like I know exactly where I'm going, but the whole time I actually have my finger on my mace. Well, despite the scary streets, at the concert, they were the worst audience I had ever seen. No one screaming. Not even a head bob. It was just sad. My friends I were the liveliest people there.

Well, its way past my bedtime. I've been doing this a lot lately. I don't go to sleep ontime and then it throws off my sleeping schedule. I woke up at 12:45pm today! I went to bed at 12:30am! And then I took a nap at 4:30 and another one at 7:00. I'm afraid there might be something wrong with me. I mean, I know I don't sleep a lot, but this is ridiculous.

So, I'm going to bed. Oh, and then tomorrow I'm going over to my friend's house to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving! Woohoo! Do they eat Turkey at Canada's Thanksgiving?

Oh, and PS- The Grey's Anatomy Soundtracks kick ass! I also bought season 1 and 2 on DVD... I still cry every time I watch Denny die. If I were a Grey's character, I'd be Izzie. If I were a Sex and the City character, I'd be Carrie.

I showered naked

2006-09-18T13:40:00.000-04:00

I went camping. And survived.

I'm not sure if I really do hate camping. I enjoyed participating in all the outdoor activities, the bugs weren't bad, and the company was fantastic. I didn't enjoy the sleeping in the great outdoors though. And when I say "the great outdoors," this means anyplace where the great outdoors can come and get me. I guess technically we stayed in cabins. Very nice cabins actually. With beds. And screens on every window. And lights. But since the great outdoors was able to get in, it was still camping.

Case and point:

Friday night I got to the camp after dark, so I had some difficulty finding my cabin (a 2 minute walk turned into a 30 minute trek). So, I settled into my bed with my queen size sleeping bag (why does a single girl need a queen size sleeping bag? I have no idea. But I have one because it was attached to a blow up mattress I had in college that my obese roommate popped, thus I threw out the mattress, but decided to save the sleeping bag, because I'm cool like that.) around 1 a.m. Like I said before, I don't like sleeping in the great outdoors... I jump at every sound, so with some difficulty, I started to fall asleep. Then out of nowhere, something landed or fell on my stomach!

I SCREAMED!

IT WAS A BAT!

A RABID BAT!

Out to get me!

I thrash around attempting to get the horrid creature off of me but I don't get out of my sleeping bag and stand up. Instead, I dive deep into my sleeping bag, curling up into a ball at the very bottom of my massive sleeping bag.

It gets hot at the bottom of a sleeping bag. But bats can't get you there.

The next morning I experienced something I've never experienced before. The horror of public OPEN showers. Let me explain, our bathroom was shared by about 20-30 girls. There were 3 toilets, separated by shower curtains, with another curtain to pull closed to provide privacy. Right, privacy. Then there were 3 lovely sinks with separate hot and cold faucets. (Who's bright idea was it to have separate faucets for hot and cold? I mean, it makes it impossible to wash your hands with warm water without burning/freezing your hand momentarily. Really stupid if you ask me.) 3 mirrors. Then, there were 3 shower heads.

Note: 3 shower heads, NOT 3 separate showers.

No shower curtains. No separation. Just 3 shower heads. Together. Next to each other.

You can't imagine my despair!

I had been warned that this may be the case, but I failed to believe it possible. I did bring my bathing suit... but I didn't want to shower in my bathing suit. I mean, every girl needs some naked time everyday, am I right?

So, I experienced being naked in front of others. Stark Butt Naked. It wasn't pretty. I mean to say, mine wasn't but many of the other girls were. This was in no way sexy or lesbian or anything of that sort. It was simply girls ignoring each other's nakedness. And that's exactly what we did.

However, I did announce that they were welcome to look at my boobs, just not my butt. I have a butt phobia. No one is to look at my butt.

I showered naked.

And that's really something. For someone like me.

On another note, why is it, as women, we don't want guys to know we like them? But we want them to be interested in us, but they just can't know we're interested in them. Then we get jealous when the boy we're interested in, but have showed no interest in, talks to another girl. So, how are women supposed to show interest without actually being boldly out there? I mean, I've been told guys are dense. Which I believe. But how can we show a guy we're interested without appearing desperate? Even though we are desperate. But we don't want him to know we're desperate. So, I guess the question is, how do we get a guy to become interested in us?

Okay, I'll drop the fisade. How do I get a guy to like ME?! I'm an old fashion kind of girl so I don't believe in making the first move, but I believe my flirting skills are not what they used to be. They are lacking. Very lacking.

Don't bother to ask who the guy is. I won't tell you. Won't. tell.

How pathetic am I?!

2006-09-13T10:32:00.000-04:00

I'm SO tired. I had to be at work by 7 in order to get a document signed by customer, and he was leaving town between 7:30 and 8. Ugh. so. tired.

Plus, I just HAD to watch all of Dancing with the Stars last night. It was way good! You remember the guy who played AC Slater on Saved By the Bell? He's on it! And he's WAY good! And OH SO cute! He totally has ADHD and his partner gets frustrated with him. Its fantastic. You MUST catch it sometime! Oh, and Joey Lawrence is on there too. He's way hot as well, but not as good as Slater... or Emilio or whatever his name is.

I left work early yesterday because my boss is out of town, so he'll never know. I left at 3, got to the gym early, got all my cardio out of the way before I had my session with my trainer. I left at 5, went to Target to buy Drano (for my tub... its been acting up) and the 2nd Season of Grey's Anatomy (!!!!!!!!!!!!). $180 later, I left Target. Just walking around that place makes you remember what you need. I didn't even look at shoes or clothes!

Hm... what did I buy, you may ask?

Well, first I went to look at scarves, I bought two. Totally necessary. Then I went looking for socks... couldn't find any so I bought some pantyhose (don't laugh, I was raise in the South where I was taught this if you are wearing a skirt, you must wear nylons). Then I went down to find the Drano... I bought the cool stuff that fizzes up, too bad the entire bottle is only one use. But I bought it because A said it was the best. Then I came upon some dishwashing sponges... which I knew we were in need of. I found the sponges next to cleaning stuff... so I bought the Scotch Brite Tile and Tub Cleaner, it came with the cool reaching device so I don't have to stand in the tub to clean... I can just extend this arm thing and it it does the job. Very cool. Although I would've preferred the Mr. Clean one. Then I went to the movie section, where I found Grey's Anatomy, but since its the movie section I wandered around a bit and found that Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire was on sale for $10! I'd been waiting a long time for it to come down in price (it was still like $20 as of last week). So I had to buy that too. Then I started thinking that I should buy some more shampoo since I'm almost out. So, I picked it up, but they were out of the conditioner. They're always out of the conditioner. I hate that. Then I saw some hair elastics, and I TOTALLY need those, so I bought 40 of them. A necessity. Then I walked by hair products so I decided to see if they had any of my mousse in (which they rarely do), but they had it so I bought 2 bottles. Then at the end of the aisle there was a sale on Body Wash, so I picked some of that up. Then I figured I should pick some stuff up for the camping retreat thing this weekend. The next aisle just happened to be travel size stuff so I picked up a travel loofah, a small thing of bodywash and deoderant. That reminded me that I needed a new loofah, so I got a big loofah, very cool, half exfoliating, half soft. Very good. My period should be coming soon so I figured I should find some Women's Tylenol (it doesn't have caffeine so its the one drug I use). But I couldn't find it but then I decided I should look into buying some protein shakes. But as I looked through them I realized that the only ones that would be any good would be chocolate, and I gave up chocolate. So that was a no go. But the protein shakes were next to the nutrition bars. So I took a look over all the interesting flavors (all the good ones are chocolate) but I picked up some non-chocolate ones, plus some boxes of bars were on sale, so I bought 3 boxes of bars, as well as about 8 lose bars. Then I decided that I'd had enough and I probably should go. Which I did. On my way, I passed the sodas, so I picked up a 12-pack of Fresca. My absolutely last purchase.

I forgot to pick up mints for work. And bugspray.

Looks like another Target run is needed.

How sad is that?

Someday... I see myself leaving Target spending less than $100. But not yesterday. And certainly not anytime this week. But someday.

Where were you?

2006-09-11T09:35:00.000-04:00

I was a sophomore in college, living with 5 other girls in a crappy, hole-in-the-wall on campus apartment. I had an early class (early being 9), so I was standing in the hall right outside the bathroom, waiting for one of my roommates to get out of the shower.

"I think the World Trade Center has been bombed," my roommate B called out to me.

I ran to the living room (a mear 4 steps), and turned on the television. I saw people streaming out of the World Trade Center, smoke billowing, as people ran out of the building covered with ash. But it all looked familiar.

"Oh, they're just playing old footage from when the World Trade Center was bombed a few years ago." I explained.

But I continued to watch. It all seemed familiar. But then I listened.

It wasn't a bomb. It was a plane. My 5 roommates and I stood transfixed in front of the television.

I can't remember if I ever got a shower. But I know I was standing in my living room when the second plane hit. I remember screaming. It was like watching a horror movie. This wasn't something that happens in real life.

I was numb, this couldn't be happening.

I get to my class late. My professor doesn't have a clue what's going on. And he doesn't seem to care. We tell him everything and he says we should just continue like everything is normal. Many of my classmates were from New York, they were in more shock than the rest of us. I don't remember a thing that was taught during that class, except he let us out early and we all turned on the television in the class. That's when we heard about the Pentagon.

My heart started racing. My best friend's father worked in the Pentagon. He was like a father to me. I was panicked. I left class, making my way to my apartment. My cell phone rang.

"Pack up your car now and come home!"

It was my mother.

"They're going to cancel school for the rest of the year, you just need to come home! I told you not to go to school so close to D.C. It's the end of the world as we know it!"

"Mom, they aren't cancelling school for the rest of the year, they aren't even cancelling class for the rest of the day." I tried to explain.

That's when my phone went out. Lines were down. Everywhere. I stood in the circle in front of the George Mason statue, trying to call my friend S, to see if his dad was okay. I couldn't get through.

That's when I heard someone call my name.

It was S. He couldn't get through to either of his parents. I tried on my cell phone. Nothing.

We walked back to my apartment where we could use a landline. He called his mom, but the line was busy. We sat in my living room, just watching update after update. We sat there for what felt like hours. Numb.

He finally got through to his mother. His dad was safe and on his way home. Little did we know that trip would take close to 8 hours. I was shaking. Still numb.

My next class was cancelled. It wasn't until 3p.m. that all classes at George Mason were cancelled for the rest of the day.

How does that make sense? Virginia Tech cancelled all classes at 10a.m.; UVA cancelled all classes around the same time. Even BYU cancelled classes before we did! And we were less than 10 miles from the Pentagon.

Everyone sat in front of their TVs, watching but still not quite comprehending it all. My mom was wrong. Classes weren't cancelled for the rest of the year. They weren't even cancelled for the next day. We just kept going.

I was angry. I still am angry. That hasn't gone away. I remember watching the local news that night when they urged at Middle-Eastern people to stay out of public areas. This was a matter of their personal safety. I should clarify. I'm not a racist. But I was angry. I watched on TV as people in the Middle-East cheered at our tragedy. They cheered.

So, you can imagine my shock when I went to class the next day and saw the entire Middle-Eastern population of my school standing in the square just outside the Johnson Center. They were everywhere. Handing out flyers. Sitting in my classes. I could stand to look at them. For those moments, I was a racist. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to hear them say they weren't involved. I didn't want to watch them put on a rally for peace. I was angry and I just wanted them to disappear. This is when I regretted going to the most diverse university in the country.

My feelings made what happened during World War II make sense. The government send all Asians to camps for their own safety. Not just Japanese, but all Asians. September 11th, I wanted to do the same with all those of Middle-Eastern discent. I'm not proud of it. But I was angry.

I was angry when I went to my Lit class and watched a girl tell the professor she was dropping out of school since both of her parents had been killed in the Twin Towers. I was angry as I drove past the Pentagon the night of September 12th.

I was angry. I wasn't sad. I was angry. I remember when Toby Keith's song came out about September 11th. I.love.that.song.

I wanted to put a boot up Iraq's ass. I wanted to beat the shit out of them.

My anger is still around, although not as prevelant. I'm shocked to see movie's coming out about September 11th. I'll never, ever be able to sit though them. Its all still too raw for me. Too real.

Last weekend I was in New York, I visited the site of the World Trade Center. Then last night I went to the Pentagon. It was beautiful yet depressing at the same time.

They say everyone remembers where they were when Kennedy got shot. I don't know, I'm not old enough to know. But this is our generations equivalent. So, in honor of September 11th, just take a moment to think where you were, what you were doing when the world stopped turning. The moment our nation came together, when we learned what true patriotism was.

Get outta here!

2006-09-06T12:05:00.000-04:00

Since my life is dull and boring, I decided to spice it up last weekend. Holiday weekends were make for getaways. Thus, I got away! Where? I went to New York City! YAY!

This may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me it was a HUGE deal. I rarely go anywhere. And in the past year the only place I've gone out of town is home. It was somewhat last minute. But totally exciting!

It ended up being my roomie, her friend Blondie*, my friend Ute, and me! We booked a hotel at the last minute (Friday afternoon), and then we left Saturday morning at 6:30, Blondie thankfully drove. Who knew that NYC is only 4 hours away? Yeehaw!

We bought theatre tickets to see Sweeney Todd (dark comedy... lots of blood), and went to a local pizza joint that had the most amazing pizza. No where in DC can you get an entire meal for $3! Gosh, I love pizza!

Yeah, so Saturday night we ordered in the nastiest takeout ever. It didn't sit well with any of us. Then we went to the theatre. It was just a few blocks from our hotel. Did I mention our hotel was literally one block from Rockafeller Center? Oh, and one block from The Radio City Music Hall... oh, and one block from 5th avenue!

5th avenue.

Be still my heart.

Sunday was a full day, Blondie and my roomie went to church, were as Ute and I decided to hit up 5th avenue, but then we saw there was a huge festival going on on the Avenue of the Americas! Everything was Brazilian, lots of good food, tons of vendors. It was great.

At noon we met up with the other girls at 44 & X Hell's Kitchen. Wow that place is awesome! The waiters are totally hott and nice! No, I mean like really nice. Blondie had experienced a mean New Yorker on her way there... some guy hopped out in front of her car and screamed at her that in NY, you can't turn on a redlight. Whoops. Yeah, so she was a little upset. When she explained this to the waiter, he was a doll! He brought out 4 mimosas! Yeah, we felt so bad turning them down! Blondie's the one who did it, she looked at him, made one of her adorable faces (because she's a total knockout) and just said, "Oh, thank you so much, but we don't drink! But we really do appreciate the gesture!" He looked crushed at first, and then took the drinks over to the semi-celebrity.

That's right. There was a semi-celebrity.

Who, you may ask?

HIM

I totally recognized him as soon as I got to the restaurant. I almost pulled out my camera phone but I restrained myself. For my friend's sake.

Yeah, so the semi-celebrity got our rejected mimosas. I wonder if he knew? It makes me feel more important than him. Look at me look at me! My rejected mimosa went to a celebrity. Kinda. Not everyone can say that!

Back to my trip, we ate our fabulous brunch, feeling bad for rejecting the mimosas, only to have the waiter come back with CHOCOLATE! He said, "If you all don't eat chocolate, I'm just gonna give up!"

How could I possibly say I don't eat chocolate? So, I didn't say a word. I had 2 bites of the vanilla ice cream and then let the other girls take everything else. So sad. This chocolate fast is a real bummer.

After brunch, we went back to the hotel, where Roomie and Blondie changed and went to Central Park, and Ute and I hopped on the subway (I know! I totally rode the NY Subway! I've never done that before!), and went to Chinatown!

Why Chinatown?

I was in need of some purses. I don't want knockoffs with PAGADIO on the label. I want a fake Prada that says PRADA. So, that's exactly what I got! I went a little hog wild. I bought 9 purses and 2 wallets. But in my defense, 3 of the purses and one of the wallets are for other people. And, sadly, despite all the purses I bought, I still can't help but think about the one that got away. There was a medium sized Coach patchwork purse that I stared at but didn't get. I got the big Coach patchwork, and a small hip purse in the Coach patchwork, but not the medium sized.

Yes, I have a problem. I'm addicted to adorable purses. And shoes. And clothes.

Later that day we hit up MEXX, a great clothing store, as well as a few other stores. Lucky I don't live in New York because I'd spend all my money on clothes. All the clothes I bought are things that I know none of my friends have. Around here, all my friend shop at Old Navy and Target. But in New York, the possibilities are endless.

Monday morning we work up early and walked across the street to the Today Show set. We watched portions of the show from the Rockafeller Center. Maybe you saw me.... maybe not.

After a quick breakfast, we all packed up, car stuffed to the brim, and headed to the Carnegie Deli to buy cheesecake. Then we hit the road.

4 hours later, we were back in D.C.

So sad. Someday I dream of living in New York City. But I only want to live there for like 3 months... then I want to come back to quiet.

Yeah, so that was my weekend. It was awesome and I want to do it all over again. And again. And again.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent... or crazy.... or whatever.

MIA

2006-08-23T11:41:00.000-04:00

Yes, MIA. I apologize for my absence. I haven't gone anywhere or done anything exciting. I was just missing from here. Not my job. Heavens no!

Yes, so I've been promoted, thus I've been swamped! That's my only excuse. You know, its tough working two jobs. I'm still working my old job until someone is hired to replace me, plus my new much more demanding job. Thus I'm writing on my lunch break (I normally post during work hours because I'm SO bored... not so now.)

With my new job came a new desk. A cubicle actually. Funny thing about cubicles. You can hear what other people are saying. Example: I typed out a letter for a guy in the office yesterday (he's in the cube next to mine), and gave it back to him so he could get signatures. So, I come in today, as I'm booting up my computer I hear, "She really screwed this up" from the guy's supervisor. Then I hear, "Well, if she wanted to make it official, she screwed up." Then I hear my name said to another woman in the office and she laughs. Then I hear my boss say something with my name involved. And NO, I'm not just being paranoid. So, the next time my cubicle neighbor comes around the corner I ask him what I screwed up on... he acts as though he didn't know what I was talking about.

Him: "What makes you think you screwed something up?"
Me: "Oh, probably when your supervisor said 'She really screwed this up.'"

Yeah, so he shows me the letter. The mistakes on the letter ARE NOT my fault. Why didn't he say that? The screw ups were in original letter... the one he just asked me to type up. Yeah, NOT MY FAULT! Of course, he didn't tell that to his supervisor, so now I just look like a moron. Typical.

Sorry for the rant. Now I'm just really paranoid that I'm doing things wrong.

To continue with my singleness theme I've decided I'm tired of guys (don't go thinking dirty, I'm not switching to girls!). Guys suck. I haven't been asked out in months. I haven't been on a decent date in what feels like FOREVER! But I'm beyond the point of caring now. I guess I'll just be celibate forever. oh well.

Why are people always quiet in elevators? Why is it I can be carrying on a perfectly interesting conversation but as soon as we get on the elevator it comes to a screeching halt? What is it about elevators that makes everyone shut up? And why do we never talk to the people in an elevator? Is it really that weird to talk to people that you share a building with? I want to talk to people in elevators but I'm afraid its part of a code that I'm not yet aware of. I mean, is there really a rule that says everyone is to be silent on an elevator and either stare at the floor or watch the floor numbers change? Just a thought.

Ranting and Raving

2006-08-08T15:02:00.000-04:00

This is something I got from my friend Anti-Drama Queen.

And I thought I'd had some bad dating experiences. Which I have.

To be honest, I've found that I talk more about dating then I do anything about the city. Well, to tell you about my exciting news. RESTAURANT WEEK IS HERE!

Try to curb your enthusiasm.

Restaurant week is when all the hoity toity restaurants around DC open their doors to paupers like me, where for one week only, they do a flat rate on their meals. For a 3-course dinner, $30.06! Not bad!! Most of these meals would usually run about $80 a pop! So you can imagine my excitement! Reservations are required so I booked something for every night next week. Hm...

$30+tip+tax= about $40 a night

$40 x 6 nights of eating out = $240

$240 + 3 friends everynight + TONS of good eats = priceless

Yeah, so next time you come to DC, be sure to come during restaurant week so you can eat at places like these.

Who ever said I wasn't frugal?

Oh yeah, because I've been shopping online all day, I guess you couldn't exactly call me frugal. I mean, its a one day sale! What am I supposed to do?! Its not my fault they* chose today to have a sale. Plus what's a girl to do when she does nothing but sit at a desk all day? Well, besides eat, check email, perfect doodling my doodle bug (his name is Sammy the Snail), run stuff to the Navy Yard, you know, do some actual work, oh read some blogs, and just sit staring into space... besides all that, of course.

I mean, hello! They pay me to do something, right? Let me know if you know what it is.

Oh, I start my new job (the one I got promoted to) next week. We'll see how I do! Keep your fingers crossed!

* They being Spiegal.

my bottomless pitt

2006-08-07T14:18:00.000-04:00

Just FYI, I'm a happy person generally speaking. I'm known for laughing a lot and smiling most of the time. However, I'm also known for holding grudges. I don't let a person fool me twice. I just thought I'd put that note out there just so you know, despite my postings, that I'm rarely depressed, constantly stressed, but a generally happy individual.

Now we may continue with previously scheduled programming.

As I sit at my desk all day, I think of how hungry I am. Even if I've just eaten! I lead a fairly boring meal regiment. I always have wheat thins, a jar of PB, craisins, canned peaches, oatmeal, hummus, breakfast bars, and beef jerky. I eat oatmeal or a breakfast bar every morning, a snack of beef jerky (I know some people think BJ is gross, but its a staple... hello? Protein!), hummus with crackers for lunch, and then snack on healthy crap for the rest of the day.

I hate healthy food.

Despite how much I hate healthy food, 9 out of 10 times I'll order a salad on a date. Why? Because when I'm on a date, I'm on my best behavior. At least at first. Also, I never finish my food when I'm on a date, although I'm a huge pig normally. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA!

I wish I could figure out why I'm never hungry when I'm on the date.

Am I self conscious? You bet!

Am I afraid he'll think I'm a pig? You bet!

Am I afraid I'll get something stuck in my teeth? You bet!

Yes, but the deal is that I'm not purposely eating very little. I can't help it! I mean, I'd love to pig out on his penny, but I'm.not.hungry.

So, inevitably, I come home starved. But I'm not hungry until I walk in the door. Or until he leaves my side. As soon as I get home, I heat up the leftovers, eat a pint of ice cream, and then make a bag of popcorn covered with melted marshmellows and PB (if you haven't tried it, you have to try it... although, more likely than not, you haven't tried it since, to the best of my knowledge, I created it). Yes, I can eat an entire bag.

Yeah, then I complain about how I can never lose weight.

Hehe. I'm a nut case. But just maybe all girls are like this.

My brush with adulthood

2006-08-03T12:50:00.000-04:00

Whenever I know I'm getting money, like for a birthday or if someone owes me money, I spend it on something frivilous. I know its all well and good to save money or put in a payment on the credit card, but I believe that I need to treat myself every now and then. I never fret about "treating" myself, because I know the money's coming.

Recently, due to my diligent efforts at work (note the sarcasm) I was put in for a Spot Award, which I was awarded last week. This award included some money which they said would be deposited in my bank account. After talking to the other girl getting the same award, we searched and found on the company website that the award would be $100. Yes, I was disappointed, but that didn't keep me from hoping on the good ol' internet and spending it right there and then. One pair of shoes and a pair of pants later, it was gone before it even existed.

Fast forward to today. I realize I need to make a payment on my credit card. Ugh. The dreaded credit card. So, I logon to my bank website only to see $1000 more than I had anticipated I'd have in my checking account. $1000 SMACKERS!

At first I thought that maybe my paycheck was put in early, but no. Then I thought it might be an accounting error (obviously in my favor), but NO! The award was for $1000! So, the good news is that yes, I spent the anticipated $100 award, but now I have $900 more dollars... which I promptly send to my credit card company.

Yeah, I'm responsible like that.

My Lucky Dress

2006-07-31T14:36:00.000-04:00

For my birthday, my mom and my sister took me out shopping. I arrived at the designated store only to find a dressing room stocked full of clothes ready for me to try on. I tried on pants, skirts, blouses, tanks, capris, jackets... and one dress.

Now, I should let you know. I'm not a dress kinda girl. I've been wearing skirts and blouses for years now... I've been anti-dresses.

But this dress was different.

I scoffed at the dress, assured my sister and my mom that I didn't wear dresses. To make them happy I slipped on the dress.

As I stood alone in the dressing room, I looked in the mirror. Was it just me or did I look abso-friggin-lutely hott? I twirled in the dress a few times, always returning to the mirror. Something must not be right... I don't look good in dresses. Oh, but I looked good in this one.

My mom and sister entered the room, I wiped that smile off my face... I couldn't have them thinking they've changed the entire way I shop! I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. So, with a straight face, I asked them how it looked, to which they replied, "You have to get that!"

I wasn't so keen on buying a dress, so my mother bought it for me.

Well, I finally wore the dress yesterday to church despite the fact that I had no decent shoes to wear with it. It was light and airy... and I felt very feminine. Throughout the day I got more compliments than I have on any other outfit... which is saying a lot for me. I'm head of fashion when it comes to my social circles.

But there's more... not only do I look good in the dress, but it also contains magical powers.

As I was leaving church yesterday, I passed PG in the hall. (PG is the guy that I had a huge crush on 2 years ago. My whore of a roommate told him, he talked to me once after that and ended the conversation with a wink. Yeah, I could've died. Well, since that conversation 2 years ago, we haven't spoken. He's a good looking guy but he obviously has been avoiding me or something.) So, yesterday after not speaking to this guy for almost 2 years... he stops me in the hall! I was in no way prepared for this so I remained tongue tied for our entire encounter, which lasted maybe 5-10 minutes. But he spoke to me!

How lame am I?

Yes, so the dress will forever be known as my lucky dress... not because I got lucky in it (because, remember, I'm celibate), but because people that normally didn't take notice of me, noticed me.

Can I tell you how great my boobs looked in that dress? I wish I could wear it everyday... like that girl that Seinfeld dated.

Would that be weird?

My day of boredom

2006-07-27T12:08:00.000-04:00

Here it is... not even 9am... and I'm bored.

Although, I've already done more today then I did all day yesterday.

Hm... lets see.

I fixed the "impossible" (men are so retarded sometimes) paperjam in the copy machine. Yes, just me and my handy self. I read a fax from my brother (did I tell you he has a fax machine now?)... lucky missionary. I made some copies, sent out a few reports, filed the reports, and sent a few emails to my boss and Accounting.

Wow, my job is so exciting.

Compared to yesterday, I'm a workhorse.

Oh, my trainer measured me on Tuesday. I've lost almost 12 inches... about 3 from my boobs (no wonder my bras were too big), and 4 off my waist. Here's the sad part... all this work and my hips only went down like 3/4ths of an inch. Yeah, my bottom half is stubborn, but my top half is willing! I would hate to be one of those girls that's like a 12 on the bottom and a size 2 on top.

Why am I sitting here eating dried apricots when I know how gassy I was yesterday? Yep, I've eaten like 5 today so far. Oh, and beef jerky. And a yogurt. I'm thinking about eating a granola bar.

But I'm waiting.

And waiting.

Still waiting.

This is me waiting.

I can make it.*

Guess what? I actually got to work at 7! How astonished are you?! Do you know what this means?! It means I won't have to work until 4 tomorrow! I'll be able to leave at like 3:30... unless I get in at 7 tomorrow (which is highly unlikely), in which case I'd get to leave at..... drumroll..... 3!!! YAY!

The highlight of my day everyday is leaving work. Its when my day begins.

So, yesterday after work, I did the gym as usual. My aunt called and wanted to go out to dinner, so we (my aunt, 2 cousins, and I) went out for Vietnamese. Yeah, I've decided I prefer Thai. It was heavy food. I'm not into that. Okay, so then we went to the cutest little grocery store... Its called Mom's Market. She bought me a Luna bar for me to eat today (maybe I'll eat that instead of the granola bar... ). Yeah, so then I had to run because my friend H was picking me up to go to a movie. She's a doll! And I love her!

Yeah, so we went and saw Cars. It was cute! She and I laughed, and we both admitted to getting a little teary eyed... even if they are just cars.

When I got home, I ate the last of the cookies (man, they were good... you missed out!) and watched Project Runway.

Haha... my moron supervisor was just here. I gave him a BRIGHT RED folder that said, "signature needed" on it.... he lost it.

I mean, that just ticks me off. Now he's getting after me to re-generate the materials that were in the folder. Um... them me see. I think they were original invoices along with invoice coding sheets. I can't just make up invoices... also, I can't fill out new invoice coding sheets without an invoice!! UGH! He better not make this out to be my fault.

This so isn't in my job description. Shoot.me.now.

Its Thursday which means its Chipotle night! How excited am I?! Also, how good have I been since I've only been going to Chipotle once a week? Yeah, go ahead and say it. My willpower is astounding. Its like a tornado raging through a trailer park.

*Approximately 5.3 seconds after finishing this, I ate the luna bar. That's what I call self control.

My quarter life crisis

2006-07-26T09:02:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I have no idea what those things on the board say, but that's how I feel... except put the stuff on the board in english.
Have you heard of this? I hadn't until recently when I found a book sitting on my coffee table that really got me thinking. No, I can't remember the name of it. And if my roommate knew that I started reading it, she'd probably be a little embarrassed.

I always imagined myself to be happy working. I'd have the ideal job, I'd do good in the world, make a difference everyday. As it turns out, its not that easy. Those "fell good" jobs sound good in theory, but the pay is crap.

Then you have my job...

The pay... is decent. The work... is tedious. Do I feel like I'm helping improve the world? Um... no.

So, as of recently I've been contemplating a career change. But to what? That's the problem. When I first started college, my friends coveted the assurance I had in my major. Most of them were undecided, yet I forged ahead, excited and determined. Until my junior year. Then it all came crashing down. I realized I wanted to make money and help people. That kinda threw teaching out the window. Okay, so. Fine.

At this point I decided to switch my major to nursing. I did that for a year, then I decided to double major because I couldn't do without my music. Then it came.

Burnout.

I'd been in college for four years already and I hadn't graduated. I watched many of my friends graduate and go into the real world. I envied them. That's when I decided I had to get out. Now. So, I did the math and figured out what would get me out of school the fastest. So, I graduated with a B.A. in Music. I'm one class shy of being accepted into nursing school... microbiology... ugh.

So, here's the problem now. I feel like I'm in a deadend job. I have no interest in government. I try, honest... I do! But I've never been much of a politician. So the dilemma continues.

When I was home over 4th of July, my entire family (we're talking extended family... like 2nd, 3rd, and 4th cousins) were disappointed to hear I wasn't a teacher. I've always interacted well with kids, and I enjoy being around them. Just not all the time. Although, the more I work, the more "summers off" sounds great to me... maybe worth the paycut.

Yeah, so my family votes for teaching.

Well, not my entire family. My grandfather is a doctor and was excited when I was planning on going into nursing. He still votes for nursing... plus, the pay is better. Nursing is something I could see myself being good at. I like helping people, and I've actually developed a much stronger stomach that I had in high school. Well, my grandfather is the one that paid for my college to begin with, so his opinion weighs heavier than most people's.

Okay, so that's a vote for nursing.

The job I currently have, yes, its in government but it also requires a lot of business sense. I'm constantly putting events together for work or church. I'm organized and HUGE into planning. I've thought about going back to school and getting my MBA. My friends are constantly telling me how business minded I am... plus, business pays.

Yeah, so my friends vote for business.

Then, just last week I was talking to my friend Andrea and she mentioned that she thought I'd make a great lawyer. Could I hack it? Back in junior high I wanted to be a lawyer for battered women. Is it sad that I still think sometimes that I want to be a divorce attorney? Maybe it comes from watching my mom go through divorce, after divorce, after divorce. But law school? Scary much? The pay would be good (unless I did the battered women thing... that'd be nonprofit and the pay would be crap). But I'd have a whole lot of schooling to do.

Hm... could I do law as well?

Yeah, so I've thought and thought over the last few months trying to figure out what to do with my life. I can:

Continue in my current career field and continue advancing... but be miserable.
Get out of this job, look for a new one in event planning. I'm good at that stuff and maybe I wouldn't have to go back to school to do it... although, I won't do weddings. Ugh.
Go back to school and get my MBA in Health Administration, so instead of being a nurse, I'd be a CEO in a hospital or something to that degree.
Go back to school and get an MBA in Arts Management and do like my friend Shana did. Get a job at a university doing fund raising for the arts.
Go back to school and get certified as a teacher. Then I could teach. Feel like I'm making a difference in the world. Plus... summers off. That almost makes the paycut sound worth it.
Finish the one course I need to get into nursing school. Get accepted to an accelerated 1 year program for nursing. Ta da! I could be a nurse in as little as a year and a half. But I'd have to quit my job to go back to school... that kind of school is full time.
Apply to law schools. Yes, I'd have to take the LSATs, and I doubt I'd be able to bend-and-snap my way through that one. Plus, I'm not blonde. Yeah, but I'm smart and witty. I could see myself kicking some major butt in a court room. However, I can't see myself going back to school like that. But its an option nonetheless.

Yeah, so that's my list of options. I've been weighing each of them for awhile now. However, I'm not any closer to figuring out what to do with my life than I was a few months ago.

Yeah, all this makes me think I'm ready, I could do it. I could meet a guy, get married, have babies, and just stay home for the rest of my life. This corporate world sucks. So, if you find an old fashion down to earth kinda guy that's tall, nice, and not totally unfortunate looking... send him my way.*

*Disclaimer: This is not an equal opportunity for all. I reserve the right to reject any persons based on age, incompatibility, lack of person hygiene, or anything else I can find wrong with him.

But I'll do my best to give him a shot.

Breath in.... breath out....

2006-07-19T13:16:00.001-04:00

Yeah, I'm really busy today since one of my coworkers is out. It sucks. Maybe I'm just in a crabby mood.

People are coming to me about the stupidist things. I argued with a guy this morning over a correction I made to his expense report yesterday. The report is correct now but I originally corrected that he was off 1 cent on a phone call he made. He came to me today and insisted that I had corrected mileage. I insisted that I didn't (I KNOW I didn't... mileage is calculated automatically, I wouldn't correct mileage.... stupid a**). The man is a moron.

Yeah, and then first thing this morning my boss asked me to have the door fixed. There's nothing wrong with the friggin' door!! He wants to make sure it shuts everytime someone just drops the door and doesn't look back to ensure that it closes. I told him that I had discussed this with maintenance, and they said if we did anything to help it to close easier, it would end up slamming and perhaps doing what it did last time (swing past the doorjam and send wood flying everywhere). I have a sign on the door asking people to make sure the door closes behind them but I refuse to hold their hand through all this.

Did I mention I hate my job?

Oh, and then someone mentioned that I should make note of when people are in the office or out at the navy yard or home for the day or out to lunch or on travel or just in the bathroom. Morons. All of them. I better get promoted and soon or I.am.going.to.lose.my.mind!!!%#$!!!$#@!!!!!!

Why can't everyone be smart like me? Why must my job be stupid meaningless tasks that no one appreciates? I so want to quit my job and just stay home forever. This whole "self reliant" thing sucks.

Why, yes... I am on my period. How'd you guess?

I didn't do anything of interest last night. I did laundry. Oh and then I argued with my loud roomie K and S about the AC. I swear they're trying to freeze me out. I was very annoyed with K last night. I wanted to slap her a few times. I would ask a question and she'd start talking real slow, with a condesending tone. Maybe that was all in my head, but she was honestly treating me like I was an idiot. I'm beginning to hate her. Not to mention her friends came over last night and were insanely loud.

Okay, I'm sure you get it by now. I'm PMS (P- for present).

Oh, wanna hear something weird? I mentioned to a co-worker that my birthday was at the end of June (some people in the office did stuff for my coworker's birthday, but nothing for mine... I'm not bitter!), he's a weird guy, but really nice and has nothing but the best of intentions. He brought me a birthday gift today. hehe. Its a bottle of CoverGirl foundation. hehe. I wonder the thought process that went into that? I'm not sure its the right color, but its pretty close! hehe. I just think its funny. Maybe its his wife's... who knows?!

I'm actually feeling in a better mood now. I guess all this venting has helped! Thanks for the listening ear (or reading eye... whatever)... now if Aunt Flow were to just leave me be, I'd be fine! I feel like a hard workout would do me some good right now. I'd love nothing more than to just be at the gym all day today. That'd be a great job. Well, it would be if I like to exercise, which I don't. But at least I'd be skinny and able to whoop anyone's butt! YEEHAW!

Yeah, now I'm just being weird. I better get back to work before I get caught.

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya! Tomorrow!

2006-07-14T08:58:00.000-04:00

Spinning classes suck. I took one years ago, I found it excruciating, plus, my va-jay-jay was numb for like a week! Yeah, so my aunt C took one yesterday... my first reaction to her walk......"HAHAHA..... I'm sorry!! I shouldn't laugh! But I could've told you to never go to a spinning class. Those bikes aren't make for people with va-jay-jays!"

Hey, I have empathy... I'm good like that!

Lots of drama on the homefront... which I've burdened plenty of friends... and strangers... with. Well, K (my older sis) has asked me to go down to visit her hubby while she's gone to keep him company tomorrow, which I'm only too happy to do.

But then she called me last night and she wasn't so sure about it. She's flying in with the mother-in-law on Sunday afternoon/evening... she hasn't given me all the logistics. So, last night she asked a favor of me. She wants me to pick up her brother-in-law's grandmother's extra car in b.f.e. somewhere (she figured I could take the metro), then drive it to b.f.e. airport and pick them up, then she figured they could drop me off. I told her that I'd be willing to try, but 1) the metro doesn't go to b.f.e., but I guess I could try to figure out bus schedules and then figure on a lot of walking, 2) if she's going to drop me off, that would mean she'd have to double back and that sounds like a lot of time wasted, and 3) why not just rent a car?

Well, then she said the other option was that I pick them up at the airport, drive them to.... oh, their home (ONLY 2 1/2 hours away!) and then just drive straight back to DC. I said that was a little much... to which she said I was selfish.

Isn't it funny that people call you selfish when you don't do something they want?

Wasn't it just 24 hours ago that my sister was going to stay in California for the full 10 days of her vacation from.... oh, wait... that's right, she's not working!!!...., and have my mom and I take care of her hubby while she played in Sunny California with her in-laws, you know.... her hubby's family... as in, his mother and father.... while we nurse her hubby's (the in-law's son's) private parts?!

I think it sounds a little wacko to me.

But sure. Yeah, I'M SELFISH!!!

Sorry, that's my vent. So I don't know whether or not I'm supposed to drive down to keep my brother-in-law, R, company tonight. My life rocks!!

Isn't it funny how when you're single, family expect you to drop everything (not that you could possibly have a life of your own) and come to their aid? I love my family, but why am I the one that's always expected to sacrifice my time? Like when my mom was really sick, pregnant with my baby brother, she begged K and I to come and help. You would think K would be willing to come in and help (especially since she's 2 hours closer than me), but NO, I ended up driving home almost every weekend. K has a track record of not stepping up to the plate in times of need. I'm sick of picking up the slack. She's the oldest. She take the responsibilities that come with that, instead she just gets all the perks... you know, the bossiness, she's "older," we "have" to listen to her. And all that other crap.

Okay, now I'm just venting way too much.

Last thing, I promise!

I talked to my trainer, Mulletman, yesterday when he was with a client, and he introduced me to her. She looked at me with big eyes, and said, "You're Sarah*? THE Sarah*?"

I guess Mulletman's been bragging on my cardio again. When I talked with her I found out that she's one of his clients that works out like 30 minutes, maybe 2 or 3 times a week. I work out an hour, 5-6 days a week. And I hate every minute of it. I wonder if that will ever change? Hopefully..... someday. I feel like I need to break out into a rendition of TOMORROW. If only my life were a musical.

*I'll never use my real name... I'm terrified that someone that knows me will trip upon this blog and forever judge me. I'm judgemental, so I know others are too!

He returns... dangit!

2006-07-13T09:58:00.000-04:00

My first love. Oh, how I loved him. I was 21 and I just adored him. He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love.

We broke up after about 8 months, but we have remained friends throughout the years. Last time I heard from him was a few days before his wedding over a year ago. He just called because he was in NYC and he was reminded that the last time he was there, he was with me. My heart skipped a beat. I knew my chance with him had passed. He got married and I hadn't heard from him since.

Until yesterday.

I got the following email (he sent it to 5 other people besides me):

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to let you all know that I have accepted a job at ************High School in ********, Virginia. It's about ** miles from Washington DC. I will be teaching 6 periods of TV Productions 1 and 2. It seems like this will be a very good school to work for. They flew me out there and put me up in a hotel for my interview, and they offered to start me at step 5 of their pay scale. (I'm just hoping the generosity continues.)

*Wife and I are very excited. We will be moving at the end of July. (With luck, wife* will have finished everything for her Master's degree in Humanities by then.)

Here is our new address:

WAY TO CLOSE TO ME, VA
(no phone number yet)

We expect to be at this apartment for at least a year and possibly more.
Thank you all for all you've done for me. Our time at BYU has been great, and it will be strange to leave, but we are very excited to be starting a new adventure in Virginia. Our baby boy will be coming the end of September, so of course we are very excited about that, too. Hope all is well with everyone.

C

I guess I should be flattered that he still thinks of me. But it hurts at the same time. Its not easy to watch him continue on with his life without me, and actually be happy!

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!!?!

No one could possibly be happy without me in their life, right? Especially not him. I still remember our last conversation. He said he was excited to get married and he thanked me. He said I had forever changed him for the better and he'd never be where he was without me. He said I brought out the best in him and helped him become the man he should be. Then he put in the bitter comment, "Although I'll never be good enough for you."

It might not sound bitter to you, but I could hear in his tone of voice that this was not meant as a compliment.

Was I meant to be with him? Was it me that screwed it up? Sadly, these are the questions that have been running through my head for years.

Yes, I loved him. And perhaps I still do. But I do wish for him to be utterly happy. Even it is without me.

*name changed... obviously.

**UPDATE: My sister sent out an email this morning saying she's coming home. Her mother-in-law is coming as well. I'll be down with my brother-in-law all day Saturday and probably part of Sunday until my sister gets back in town. When I talked to him yesterday, he just said he didn't want to be alone right now, so I said I'd come down for a visit. I have a feeling the next week is going to be a l-o-n-g one.

The big "c"

2006-07-12T14:02:00.000-04:00

So, yesterday we got some bad news. My brother-in-law has been having some pain in his private parts.... namely, his testicles. So, he went to the doctor on Monday and his tests came back yesterday.

Its cancer.

So, he's going in for surgery on Monday of next week. To make matters worse, my sister is visiting her in-laws... his family... in California! Just a question, if your husband was having one of his balls removed because of cancer, wouldn't you want to be there? I don't understand my sister. She's not planning on coming home early from her trip. They've never been separated for more than a couple days at a time since they got married 7 years ago and now, when her hubby needs her most, she's with his family!

I don't understand this!

I would be jumping on a plane asap....I realize he told her that he's fine, but I don't believe him. My mom is going to come up on Monday and take care of him until Wednesday, but what man would want his mother-in-law nursing his private parts? I'm really disappointed in my sis. I guess she and I just think differently.

ALSO, what is his family thinking?

If this was my brother, my mom would be out there in a heartbeat! Why isn't his family concerned? They know its cancer. I'm sorry, I hear the big "c" and it freaks me out. I just don't think my sister and my brother-in-law's family are taking this as seriously as they should. I think my sister and her hubby are in denial.

I have a friend I went to high school with that had testicular cancer when he was 20. He almost died, but made it through... he ended up coming out of it infertile though. Then, I was talking with a coworker today about it, only to learn that his son had died of testicular cancer in his teen years! So, I'm concerned and I just want to shake my sister. I have a feeling my brother-in-law's emotions are going to get the better of him at some point in the next week, and I think my sister needs to be there.

I talked to the 38-year old friend of mine (the one I talked about here) about that whole drama last night. I just didn't believe that my brother-in-law really wanted my sister to stay in California while this was going on, so I asked 38-guy when he called (he was talking to roommate, he didn't plan on talking to me... or rather, he never asked to talk to me. I just grabbed the phone). He agreed with me. His dad had testicular cancer a few years ago and his sister is dying of some kind of cancer right now, he says that my sister needs to get her butt back to VA quick. He says its going to hit My brother-in-law and my sister at some point of the severity of this situation. And when it does... watch out! I know my brother-in-law is putting up a front... he was talking to my mom yesterday and said he wasn't ready to die. He wanted to see his son grow up. I mean, if he's talking like that, there's some serious contemplation going on.

SO, if it was possible to reach through the phone and slap some sense into my sister, I would. But I don't feel as if I can do anything else but pray for them.

Rumblin in my Tumblin!

2006-07-11T10:54:00.000-04:00

I'm starved. I don't know why. I feel like I could eat a horse, although I don't see myself ever eating horse. Would that be considered a delicacy? I can't eat deer either. For some reason, whenever I try to eat deer, I imagine a doe, with sad wide-eyes. *Sniff sniff* Poor Bambi!! But, oddly enough, I have no quams about eating duck... or lamb.... or rabbit. Those are all adorable creatures, but I have no problem chowing down on them. Yum.... lamb.

Last night my fabulous roommate took me out for a belated birthday dinner. It was FAB-U-LOUS! Everything was beyond yummy. Plus, our waiter was totally hilarious! He was just so intense. When he told us the specials he spoke with such passion and wonderful descriptions... wow! He was cute, very friendly, we thought he was hilarious, although I don't know if he was trying to be. Oh, when my fab roomie asked him if the Halibut was fresh, the conversation went something like this:

Fab roomie: Is the Halibut fresh?

Waiter: Well, most halibut that you get at restaurants is going to be at least 7 days old since that's the amount of time that it takes to get from Alaska to here. However, we have the halibut fedexed directly from the boat in Alaska to here. It arrived on Saturday. So, pretty much, its the freshest halibut you'll ever have outside of Alaska.

She got the halibut.

I went with the pork. Boy, was that wonderful! My friend A came with us and got the salmon, she adored it! Oh, and appetizer... we had bison bruschetta. Wowsers that's good! Yeah, its definitely an amazing place. Pricey, but awesome! Oh, and the desserts!! Yes, we got dessert! That's one of the things I love about pricey restaurants, they give you smaller portions so you can actually clean your plate and no feel stuffed! I mean, after eating an appetizer, bread, my entree, and dessert, I didn't feel stuffed. I felt satisfied. Plus, since I didn't have to pay for it, it tasted that much better. I love having a fabulous roommate!

Yeah, so I'm doing Chipotle tonight for dinner since my kitchen sink is out of commission. There's a leak under our kitchen sink. As long as we don't turn the water on, it doesn't leak. We called a plummer but he can't make it until Thursday or Friday. So, looks like I'm eating out for the rest of the week. What a shame... I LOVE IT! Too bad I don't have a lot of money. I'd eat at fabulously expensive restaurants all the time. But alas, Chipotle will do for me. Yum. Chipotle.

Yeah, well I better get back to looking like I'm working. Its what I do best!

My day with the telemarketer

2006-07-10T15:52:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I'm at work. As I always am. Day in and day out. But today a weird thing happened to me today.

I don't like telemarketers... but who does? I try to be nice because half the time they're just college kids trying to make enough money to pay tuition. I understand what its like to have a crappy job and it doesn't help when people are mean to you... so I always try to be nice to the telemarketers. But today was just TOO much.

So, I'm at work and the phone rings... its a telemarketer. I can tell. I'd hung up on them at least 2 times earlier because they didn't answer the phone fast enough. I don't think I should be the one that has to wait for them to answer... shouldn't it be the other way around? Anyway...

SO, I answer the phone and this girl begins talking, telling me about their service (a phone book directory type service), I'm kind, she mentions that we're needing to renew our membership, I said that really wasn't necessary, and she said it was. She was giving out company a discounted price of $399.99, in which I say I'm not authorized to make that kind of purchase, she comes back and says of course I am!

I am?

Does she know something I don't know?

And how did she get that kind of information?

My boss told me I wasn't.

But she insisted I was.

She verified my name (I lied), position (I lied again,) and work address (I didn't lie). I was getting a little peeved by this point, and so she says she needs to transfer me to some guy, so she transfers me but she's still on the line. I can hardly understand a word either of them are saying, but I know it doesn't matter because I'm sure (fairly sure at least.... 90% sure.... okay, more like 85% sure) we don't do service with them. Why would we need advertising space? Our only customer is the government, and something tells me that they don't just open up a phonebook when looking for a good digital periscope architect.

But I could be wrong, I guess.

I explain to them that this office isn't the office that would make that kind of purchase, that they should contact our corporate office, she disagreed. She said that we had set up the account with her last year (a lie... I'm pretty sure). I tried to explain to her that we're a branch, not the headquarters... she disagreed with me again. Yeah, so I'm very frustrated at this point, my phone is ringing off the hook and I'm missing incoming calls.... translation: not good. Okay, so I get sick of this, I just say, "I really have to go, I have a conference call. Thanks. Bye."

Only imagine I said it really fast.

And hung up.

I answered the phone ringing off the hook. After about 30 seconds... the telemarketer called back. But this time I was on to them... I just let it ring. Phyllis (there's a Phyllis in every office... don't you find that weird?), the other admin, answered. Which worked out well since when I lied earlier I had given her name and position. hehe.

So I wait a few minutes, and then I call her. She's still on the phone with the mean telemarketers. They're trying to tell her that she has the power to make this kind of purchase. She clicks over to me, and I'm laughing! I tell her I'm sorry that I did that to her! She wasn't mad. She thought it was funny that the meanest telemarketers in the world have been able to eat up so much of our time. She finally said she had to go after they transfered her to accounting and were telling her just what to say to them so that the purchase could be approved. That peeved her. She said they could mail her materials, but she really had to go.

They called back a few minutes later.

We didn't answer.

Gosh, I hate telemarketers.

And on Thanksgiving....

2006-07-07T13:36:00.000-04:00

I've decided that I'm not very interesting. I went out to eat with my best gal pal, E, as we do every Thursday to the ever wonderful Chipotle, and I couldn't stop talking about my baby brother. I mean, he says the darn-dist things! I could feel myself talking too much, and I could tell she was losing interest... but I COULDN'T STOP! I knew she was bored and I just kept talking! What's wrong with me?!! Plus, I ordered the same old thing. Its just once you've found perfection, you stick with it. Am I right? (Burrito bowl, rice, black beans, fajita veggies, steak, fresh salsa, a little bit of sour cream, cheese, and lettuce.... took me months to perfect, so now I'm reaping the benefits!)

In the end, I finally let her talk some. Then we were fine.

I got an email from my friend Em yesterday. We went to college together. (This translates to: we pigged out together, cried together, pulled all-nighters together, dieted together, attempted to exercise together, watched stupid sappy movies together, and finally graduated together.) After college she moved to what is known as the Mormon Mecca.... UTAH. Yes, so I got an email stating the dreaded news: She's getting married. Ouch! Another one bites the dust!!

Funny thing about Em... she's always been hilariously amusing. Just not everyone noticed. After college she wanted to start with a clean slate, so she moved to Utah. Funny things happen in Utah that don't happen in DC. Like.... dating... marriage. That kind of stuff. The girl didn't go on a date her entire college experience, and she goes out to Utah, and BANG!! She's a dating queen! Not only that, she gets engaged less than a year after moving there.

I know what you're thinking....SHUT UP!!! I'M NOT JEALOUS!! I'm young! And vibrant! And.... and.... and.... and....busy!

So, she's getting married. I have yet to write back to her. Its not because I'm bitter... although I am. Its just because I'm busy. Right.... I'm. busy. It happens!

So, Em and I used to watch movies together that were hilarious. Sometimes they weren't supposed to be comedies, but we found them hilarious anyways.

One night, after a long week, and way too much sugar, we decided the funniest quote ever was the following from the movie The Other Sister (a very dramatic movie... or its supposed to be): "And on Thanksgiving.... we DID IT."

What made this worse is the voice we used when we said this quote. We imitated the characters and did it beautifully as we continued the quote by singing the first few lines of "76 trombones" from Music Man.

Ah... those were the days. I love you Em... even though you are ditching me for a boy. In that regard, you suck!! But I still love you!

The drama that is my life

2006-07-06T15:17:00.000-04:00

You know what the worst part of vacation is? The day after you come back. I'm exhausted! My eyes are red, I have bruises all over my body, and I'm in a foul mood. That's what vacation does to me. Despite that, I had a good break. I'm being kind with that description. Perhaps too kind.

I arrived home on Thursday night to nothing but drama. My ex-stepfather had threatened my mother. No physical, but he said that her ex-husband, my father, was going to come out and pay a visit. (You may need some background here.... my father is. a. bad. man. Remember in school how they taught you not to talk to strangers and to go to the bathroom in groups when using public restrooms... yeah, my dad is one of those bad men. A bad man that got excommunicated from church and got convicted of doing bad things to a little girl. He didn't serve much jail time because he's fairly wealthy so he paid off dirty politicians. All-in-all, my dad is a bad man. A very bad man.)

Since my ex-stepfather threatened to expose my baby brother to this horrid man, our family took lots of precautionary measures. In the end, my baby brother was safe. The bad part of the story is that my dad ended up on our doorstep with an orchid for my sister and a very ugly, cheap ceramic cat for me. How do I always get the short end of the stick? I mean, he's got money... and lots of it! I mean, he could've at least attempted to tempt me to talk to him. The ceramic cat didn't do it for me. For a car, I'd say hello. But not for the cat. And why did my sister get anything? It was my birthday! I feel very jipped to this day (I've only had 5 days to get over it... maybe I'll get over it eventually).

So, with my horrid father in town, my sister and I came to express our memories of him. I told her the three I posted here, and she said that most of her memories were of him spoiling me. She reminded me that he would wake me up at midnight, take me downstairs, and we'd make malts and watch late night TV. It never ocurred to me that this was weird. My sister pointed it out. She asked if I thought it was weird at all that my father would wake up his 6 year old daughter in the middle of the night to have malts and watch TV? I'd never thought of it that way. I guess it was odd. I remember my mom being upset in the morning because the kitchen was a mess and I was asleep on the couch with my dad.

Okay, so back to my story of the weekend. He showed up at our front door after not seeing us or speaking to us for 14 years! Luckily my mom opened the door, I refused to see him, and then ran up to my room to call up my grandfather and freak out! My mom was overly nice to him which totally ticked me off. Why would you say "good to see you" to a convicted felon? A man that cheated on you, beat you, broke your heart, and attempted to destroy your family? "Good to see you" wouldn't be the first thing that would come to my mind. I'd say something more along the lines of "Get the hell outta here your skeezy scumbag!" I tend to use profanity when speaking of my father. He couldn't see me, but I flicked him off from my bedroom window as he was leaving. I know, its horrible, but it made me feel better.

It was decided that my sister was going to call him, decline his invitation to dinner, and then say that if we ever wanted to see him, we'd let him know. She's the oldest, so it just made sense. Well, as the phone was ringing she chickened out so I jumped in and did it. I almost threw up when I heard his voice.

This experience has brought a lot of things to a head. Like, I hate emotional men. I had forgotten that my dad was the type that could cry at the drop of a pin. I hate that. I guess it makes sense now why I hate it when guys cry in movies... the only time that I believe its appropriate for a man to cry is at funerals and weddings. Not all of them either. Funerals of immediate family, and wedding of daughters. That's it. Oddly enough, this is the kind of man my grandfather is. I prefer that over being so emotional. Yuck!

My dad left town on Monday. I still have a pit in my stomach. I can't get the sound of his voice out of my head. How do you erase a person from your life? It all would've been so much easier if he would've died. I know that sounds horrible. But then he wouldn't be around to screw us up for all eternity.

Throughout this weekend, I didn't feel like my mom helped matters at all. She was constantly on the phone with people. Her friends. Filling them in on what was going on. Why did it matter to them!? Did I mention my mom is a drama queen? My father was here to see his children, this wasn't all about her. I'm probably over-reacting, but I wanted to just try to cope with this as a family and I felt as though my mom was absent. She was too busy telling everyone how my dad told her she was "beautiful" and how he said he'd love to take her out dinner if us kids weren't interested. I can still hear her talking to him at the door, "Its good to see you!".... "Its good to see you!"... "Its good to see you!" She said it at least 3 times. Pardon me while I throw up.

Yeah, so that was the bad part of the weekend. There were good parts but I'll tell you about it later. I'm feeling too pessimistic just now.

Say it with me now!

2006-06-29T12:10:00.000-04:00

VACATION!!!

After working for 10 months, I've decided to use some of those vacation days. Yes, finally I'm using PTO for tomorrow, Monday, and Wednesday. What's the point have having vacation days if you don't use them!?? The good news? After taking these 3 days, I'll still have over 2 weeks of leave left! Can you tell I'm in a good mood today? I get to leave work early to boot! PLUS, today was free ice cream day at the Navy Yard! YAY!

On another note, I just caught my supervisor looking at my boobs. How grossed out am I?

I called my friend T last night because I thought I saw his car. It wasn't him, so I just ended up feeling like an idiot. Oh well. Lesson learned... don't flash strangers.

Speaking of strangers, one of the guys I met in Richmond emailed me today. Just out of the blue! I didn't even give him my email address! He just found it on the evite to the Richmond activity. You know what that means? He must love me. hehe. Just kidding.

Don't I wish.

2006-06-28T13:31:00.000-04:00

How long does it take to become skinny? I think this working out thing is a crock! I've been working out almost everyday since January, and what do I have to show for it?! Well, I've lost almost 15 pounds, but 15 pounds in 5 months isn't impressive. Some people can lose that amount in a month.

My body hates me.

That's the only explainable explanation. My body just hates me and refuses to give up my lard butt. I don't think that's fair. Some 300 pound woman can just start taking a walk everyday and the next thing you know, she's a size 2! I don't see that happening to me. Ever. Ever...ever...ever!

For so long, I've tried to keep my family away from my friends. My friends have never met a member of my family and I'd kinda like to keep it that way. I'd rather they think I'm the skinny one in a family of whales, then the fat one in a family of popcicle sticks. This way, they think I'm the skinny one, fighting the odds, when in reality, I'm the fat one. I hate that.

Most of my friends tell me I'm "fabulous"... but I don't feel that way normally. I dress well, I'm outgoing, I try to hold myself with confidence. I guess to some people that translates to fabulousness. But in reality, I have a low self esteem. I dislike a lot about myself. I laugh too loud, I talk too much, I'm too nice, I always say the wrong thing, I can rarely keep a secret as hard as I try, I have a bad temper, I suck at budgeting, my skin is horrible, ... oh and I hate my job. So much. But despite all these things, people perceive me as being very confident. And I'm cool with that.

I got a call for a job interview. Problem: the place is like an hour away from my house without traffic. Ugh. We'll see. I'm going to ask about pay before I even consider that kind of drive daily.

Its raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring...

2006-06-26T15:44:00.000-04:00

Yes, its raining. Thankfully my possessions are still intact thanks to my handy dandy sandbags and my amazing driving skills! No. Really.

I've done it again. I'm starting to fall for a guy I shouldn't. Not that he's a bad guy. He's actually a really good guy. But he's a flirt. I love to flirt with a flirt, but how am I supposed to know if he likes me if he's a flirt? What makes matters worse is my friends have been betting that he and I would hook up. It hasn't happened yet. And before last night I would say it would never happen. Yeah, but then there was last night. Nothing spectacular happened. I was just hanging out with friends and he was there. It was his simply gestures. I guess maybe I was just craving any type of affection and he gave it to me. He put his arm around me, wrestled with me, made me laugh. It was just what I needed. Its not natural for a girl to go months at a time with no affection! Maybe I'm just losing my head over nothing. I'm just over-analyzing things. Yeah. That's it. I'm sure its nothing.

I wish I could just make my mind shut off. And I wish I could shut off the rain as well. Rain, rain go away, come again another day.

The highlight of my day: buying 1st row seats to the Wiggles show in Charlottesville!! How sad am I? You're just jealous you didn't get them. I was quick on the draw. Yeah, because I have no life.

*Pigeon note: My mom came in town this weekend and did what I didn't have the nerve to do. She took down the pigeon nest (I got to spray the pigeon away so she could get the nest... I'm such a good helper). Unfortunately, the nest just went back up... because I don't have the nerve to kill a baby bird. But my mom did throw out the other egg that hadn't hatched. Now I'm stuck with a mama and a baby pigeon. But one baby is better than two, right?

Mysterious RT guy...

2006-06-22T14:19:00.000-04:00

When I was in college I worked at Ruby Tuesday. It started one summer when I was home for the summer. I was bored out of my mind, I put in an application and they hired me... no experience required! SWEET! So, I worked at this little Ruby Tuesday that had next to no customers, so I made next to nothing. But it was my start.

I was so excited to be a real waitress. All I had ever been was a hostess. My mom was so proud. She actually came in and ate and gave me a hefty tip. All that's beside the point.

When I was working there, I had a lot of fun with the other servers. They were all around my age, but most of them had made a career of the serving thing... no college for them. There was a guy, I don't even remember his name, that worked there. He was about 30 and his dream job was to be a real fire fighter, not just a volunteer like he was then. He was fairly cute and a flirt. I don't remember much about him except that every time I'd walk into the kitchen to fill up drinks or fix coffee.... pretty much anytime I had my back turned....he'd come up behind me, brush the hair from my neck, and kiss it. It sounds weird and very "sexual harrassment" to me now, but at the time, I didn't mind it. I actually enjoyed it. He never asked me out or made any other attempt to do anything with me. Just every day, a kiss on the neck. I don't know why, but I look back at that experience with fondness. I bet he was a good kisser. I guess that was my first missed opportunity at a NCMO (Non-Committal Make Out). Dang. I should've taken it!

When school started back up in the fall, I transfered to a Ruby Tuesday there. That one had more traffic and I made a bundle. But no guy mysteriously kissing my neck. Weird how I kinda missed it. I went back over Christmas to work at the RT back home, but he was gone. I wonder what ever happened to him?

Memories of my dad

2006-06-21T13:44:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about the whole father's day thing, and these memories came back to me.

When I was growing up, I was quite the daddy's girl. My dad would take me golfing with him and I just loved it. Not that I would actually golf. I would hit the ball a few times (maybe do one hole) then I'd just drive the golf cart. Looking back, WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS HE THINKING?!!! I was like 6 at the time! But still, I remember sitting in the drivers seat, driving down the fairways, and thinking my dad was the awesomest ever.

Until he bought my older sister kid size golf clubs. I never went golfing with him again. My sister never did go with him.... ever. So, you can imagine how hurt I was. The golf clubs never got used. We sold them at a garage sale a few years ago.

When my dad got his own place after the divorce, he needed furniture, so he thought it would be fun for each of us to go out and pick our own bedroom furniture for his house (not that we were ever going to spend the night... my mom and the courts made sure of that, thank goodness). We were out at swanky furniture places looking around. My sister and I spotted a beautiful four-post bed. I was immediately taken by it. We both rushed up to my dad and started pleading for it. He said he knew just how to settle it. Whoever could say, "I love you dad" first, got the bed. I won. I got the beautiful bed. My brother and sister got twin sled beds. I may have won because I talk extremely fast, but I like to think it was because he loved me best. I never slept in the bed. Not once.

The only thing that compares to that is when my dad forgot my 10th birthday. My mom had made a big deal of it. She threw an elaborate party for me and all my friends, probably spent a fortune. Since my parents were divorced, I saw my dad the weekend after my birthday. Yeah, he totally forgot. Not just forgot, but he was supposed to take my brother, sister, a few of our friends, and me to the lake for a day of waterskiing, and he showed up with his girlfriend and her kids... 3 hours late! We were all in our lake gear, only to have him tell us once we were on the road, that we weren't going to the lake, we were going hiking.

So, we hiked in our lake shoes and flipflops, wearing bathing suits with big coverups over them. And then it rained. And hailed. We were all soaking wet and getting pelted with golfball sized hail, hiking in the mud. As I called out to my dad for help, I watched him lift up his girlfriend's daughter and give her a piggyback. My world crumbled at that moment.

The next weekend when I saw him, my sister reminded my dad about my birthday. He panicked and gave me the first thing he could think of. His saddle. And the promise of horseback riding lessons. Too bad we were moving across the country in 2 weeks. He wouldn't let me take the saddle home and I never got the lessons.

Yeah, so happy belated father's day, dad.

How hot is it?

2006-06-20T13:43:00.000-04:00

Well, its not so hot that I sweat 26 ounces per hour! How gross is that? When I read this, I was about to dispute, but they clarified later that it's not the most uncomfortable because Phoenix has like no humidity. Yeah, Arizona... don't even talk to me!

I was walking at the Navy Yard in SE today and I thought I would die. I felt sure that if I cracked an egg on a black car, it would surely cook to well done. Ugh.

I know you want to know what I did last night! Everyone wants to know. I would want to know if I didn't already know! I went to see him:I can now, for the rest of my life, say I saw a legend in concert. Just fyi, once people reach a certain age, they can say just about anything. Yep, B.B. King is a bit crude, but I love him anyways. Plus, he said there is no such thing as an ugly woman. (Which is sweet, but I'd challenge him to say that after I introduce him to some of the women I've tripped upon. Can you say Fugly?) And since I was going to a concert, it meant it HAD to rain. I'm a jinx like that. Lawn seats... always fun.

So, it was one of the highlights of my life. Too bad no date was involved. Oh well. I did discover that some very hot guys like blues. I need to start hanging out at blues and jazz clubs...

My trip to Richmond

2006-06-19T15:27:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, I was in charge of my ward's (congregation) road trip to Richmond, VA. Everything leading up to the trip was a nightmare! I was assigned the task Tuesday, and had to execute it on Saturday. Not a great timeline. After hours and hours of research and planning, everyone was in Richmond happy and absolutely content. Except for me:

Me: Which way do I turn here?

A: Uh... right?

Me: We did that earlier, it didn't take us anywhere. You're the navigator! You're supposed to know where we're going!!!

A: Maybe I would if you hadn't handed out ALL the maps to everyone else!

Me: What else was I supposed to do? I'm the planner! I didn't know they would take ALL the maps!

A: This SO isn't my fault!

Me: Shut up and tell me where to go.

A: Left.

Me: LEFT?! You want me to turn LEFT into the CRACK HOUSE?!?!

Don't worry, A and I are still friends and we were able to make it out of Richmond in one piece. Barely.

On the upside, I got to see a man pee on the sidewalk at midnight in the ghetto of Washington, D.C. I can now die happy.

My Reality TV

2006-06-15T10:40:00.000-04:00

When I was in college, I had a girl in some of my classes that just thought I was HILARIOUS! I thought it was funny that she found me so amusing, but then she started suggesting that I should do stand up. I thought about it seriously. Then.... nah! I realized that I could be funny when I was with a group of my friends, or maybe at a party, but if I tried to plan to be funny, it never worked out. The jokes wouldn't go as well if I planned out what to say ahead of time.

I guess that's why I find Last Comic Standing so interesting. I enjoyed watching the auditions, and Tuesday's show was good. Except I wasn't thrilled with the people they chose! There was this Jewish guy that I thought was hilarious... but he didn't make it. Of course. I don't like the pregnant Stella. I think her stuff is crude and not that funny. I do like the Willy Wonka look alike. Yeah, but that's about it. Disappointing if you ask me.

Still, I respect that they can get up there and make people laugh. I have stuff happen to me everyday that I can laugh about, but making other people laugh about your life is something else. When I was contemplating doing stand up, I realized that my family is hilarious. Not in the we're-rolling-on-the-floor-all-the-time kinda funny, but we're disfunctional and people find that funny. However, if I were to get up in public in front of strangers and make fun of my family, I think I'd be disowned. Yeah, another reason not to do stand up.

So, I was talking with a coworker today about what's funny and what's not. And we both agreed that Bridget Jones is SO funny. But I have met people that didn't agree. I love her character! She does the most alarming things.... although they aren't that alarming. I think we've all contemplated doing many of the things she's done. Like in the second movie where she continually barges in on Darcy because she thinks he's cheating. I've thought about doing that, but I never have. And seeing her results, its probably good that I didn't. My thought process is that I believe that many women love Bridget Jones because, as ridiculous as she is, we see a bit of her in each of us. Yes, I can be klutzy and awkward and say all the wrong things. My mother always buys me horrible clothes and insists that I wear them, I have granny panties and the other ones (the sexy unmentionables).... so there's a bit of me in her, and her in me! Not that we're so alike, I mean, she has better legs than me, but horrible hair. Half the time I wouldn't go out looking how she looks throughout the movie. But still I love her. Even if her bottom is the size of two bowling balls.

Plus, I find hope in that Darcy loved her and all of her "wobbly bits".... *sigh*

Stupervisor

2006-06-14T15:27:00.000-04:00

Yeah, my day is sucky. Sucky sucky sucky!

I hate that I went to college so that I could get a job where all I do is make copies! I got in this morning and my stupervisor (I'm going to call him that from now on... combo of stupid and supervisor) Charlie had sent me an email asking me to print a few documents out and then bring them to him. How lame is that?! He couldn't simply push the print button himself?!

Yeah, so then he shows up at 9 and comes up to my desk and asks if I have the documents. I said they were printed out and they were sitting in the copy room, I haven't had time to get them yet. He said that he needed them by 10, so to bring them to him as soon as possible... then he continued to WALK BY THE COPY ROOM! He could've just picked them up himself! So, I had to lock up the office, lock my file cabinets, lock up my computer, just so I could go the copy room, get the documents, and drop them on his desk without so much as a THANK YOU! Yeah, your an a**hole Charlie.

He's also the most awkward person in the world. Who yawns in the middle of a sentence? He does it everytime he talks to me. He doesn't even cover it! Yeah, because I'm SO interested in the state of your tonsils! Yesterday he called me on the phone and yawned in the middle of a sentence. I think that's just rude. Just the thought of him yawning makes me gag. EW! The first time I met him I thought he looked like a pedophile. He still does. Bad haircut with a combination of long sideburns and a combover. He always looks messy even if he's wearing a suit. Its all just horrible. It doesn't help that he's completely incompetent. I guess you could say I'm just having one of those..."I hate my stupervisor" days. My boss talked to me yesterday about training for another job but it would require me to drive quite a bit further for awhile but just a couple times a week... but I'm willing to do anything to get out from under Charlie. He's completely incompetent!

I recently caught the show The Office for the first time and I found it absolutely hilarious! Not that I'm actually working in that kind of atmosphere, it just makes it that much more funny! I know I really need to watch Office Space again... I have a feeling that I would get a lot more out of it now. Does everyone have ill feelings toward their bosses or supervisors? I mean, do some people LOVE their job? I know I don't. If I had the choice, I'd quit right now and never work again. I'm lazy like that. That would be the life.

My Weekend Update

2006-06-12T10:44:00.000-04:00

Back when I had time to watch SNL, I always loved Weekend Update. I wish I was witty enough to make fun of current events, unfortunately, I don't have the time. Oh, and I love John Stewart. He's funny (although some of his skits are lame) and easy on the eyes. Too bad I'm non-political. I never have any idea of what's going on in the world.

Yeah, so this weekend my BFF came in town. She got in around 8 on Friday night and we went to a FABULOUS restaurant (The Evening Star in Delray). I was worried about having the dog around it actually wasn't a problem. I let her sleep in my room in my bed, that way the dog was contained, and I slept on the couch (I'm a good friend). Thank goodness for a comfy couch. Yeah, so all we did on Friday night was go to dinner then hang out around my house. I told her I had been thinking about re-doing my room and she got SO excited. She's very crafty like that. So, she got a plan together. It only took her HOURS. So, the next morning we came up with a gameplan and spent the morning (i.e. from noon till 2) walking around old town, then we dropped the dog off at my place (she was pooped, so she took a nap) then went to home depot, target, and walmart. We ate out at Noodles for lunch and came back to my house and starting the remodel. Lets just say my room looks very different now.

Once we finished moving everything around, we ate dinner at the chart house. Its a hoity toity restaurant down on waterfront. Expensive, but good. She's all about the good food and doesn't consider it expensive unless its $50/plate. Yeah, we didn't do anything that expensive, but it was still expensive to me. Yesterday I didn't go to church because she was still around and I know better than to ask her to come to church with me. Yeah, so I was a heathen and we went out for Sunday brunch. She left shortly thereafter.

I was so paranoid that I wouldn't be able to get anything done this weekend because she was here, but in actuality, I got a TON more done than I would've ever done by myself. I often underestimate her. Also, I didn't mind the dog. It was actually nice having her around for company. I would mind having a small dog like that.... except for the whole picking up poop with your hands thing. Ew.

Oh, I bought season 1 of Grey's anatomy and watched the ENTIRE thing yesterday. I also read a conference talk, and watched a christian movie so I got some churchy stuff in. Yeah, so this season's Grey's Anatomy was SO much better than last season. I mean, last season was good, but this season.... WOWSERS!

Note: The pigeon is still alive and kicking and still annoying the crud outta me. Stupid flying rodent.

I'm not obsessed... HONEST!

2006-06-08T15:43:00.000-04:00

I was so excited this morning when my friend sent me this:

Yes, I believe they should be able to have their privacy, but I love babies. And these are the sweetest pictures EVER!

A picture like this just makes me want one! (The man and the baby):
So, after looking at this gorgeous family (without a wedding ring, but still a family), my uterus aches. Yes, I want a hubby and children (preferably in that order). I'm not obsessed with the whole "Brangelina" thing, I just couldn't help myself. What a beautiful family!

SO, moving on. I was too much of a wimp to get rid of the flying rat by myself, so I decided to call the United Wildlife of Virginia and have them deal with it. That's right. That pigeon better pack its bags because its on its way OUT! (evil cackle) Your days are numbered!

Just another day... with a pigeon

2006-06-07T09:59:00.000-04:00

So, I was talking with my dear young friend Abbey and she TOTALLY invited me to go with her to MEXICO! She said probably at the end of July. I need a passport. Eek! That would be a great vacation. Although I don't like the idea of having to hang out in a bathing suit with Abbey. She's a cute small girl. That's not me. Yeah, so her family has a house down in Mexico so it means lodging would be FREE! Great cheap vacation. That's what I'm all about.

Oh, so I went to the gym yesterday and my trainer told me to think of him as a father figure.... then he switched and said, no, more of an older brother (he's older than my mother so he could definitely be old enough to be my father... but I wasn't going to tell him that, it might hurt his feelings and then he'd torture me.) Yeah, so then he told me how I was strikingly beautiful, and that when I finished losing weight how I'd "stop traffic"... weird if you ask me. But, hey, I always need a compliment so I gave him a weird look and said thanks.

My trainer is an absolute nut job. He's such a goofball, totally awkward... all the time. He's just weird like that. I'm thinking he might've done too many drugs in the 70's and 80's... so his brain is fried. Maybe that's it. Or maybe its from all the tanning. He has a severe tanning addiction. He lays out all the time and goes to the tanning bed and uses self tanner. Yeah, I told him he was a little OCD about the tanning. He tortured me later for saying that.

Oh, something happened! My BFF Jessica from my hometown is coming up this weekend! YAY! She's never been to visit me in DC. So, this is where the dilemia begins. What am I supposed to do with her ALL weekend? Oh, to make things more difficult... she's bringing her dog. Yeah, she has a little yappy dog that goes with her everywhere. Annoying? Usually. Yeah, so I need to find restaurants that are dog friendly and I need to figure out stuff to do with her on Saturday. Friday is easy, we'll just go out to dinner. Yeah, so my mind goes blank for any Saturday activities. She did say we could leave the dog for as long as 7 hours. So maybe downtown isn't out of the question. I might decide to be a heathen and do Sunday brunch with her. I've always wanted to do Sunday brunch, and she's a good excuse. She'll probably leave around 10 or so on Sunday morning since she knows I'm going to church (although she's pressuring me to skip).

Oh, so a few days ago I was raking/sweeping off my porch and patio. I was tidying up at the end and went to put a paintbrush on a shelf on my covered patio and something flew out at me! I SCREAMED, ducked, and ran like a lunatic out of my yard. I had assumed it was a bat or something, but it turns out it was a pigeon. Yes, a flying city rat.

Well, it scared the crud outta me. So, as I was leaving this morning, I saw it there again. Turns out that stupid pigeon has made a nest in the box with all the painting supplies. What am I supposed to do?! Do I throw out the nest? I don't know if there are any eggs in it (I wouldn't think so... its not spring anymore.) I'm just terrified the bird with peck me... no, I'm more retarded than that. I'm afraid the bird will touch me in some way. I'm a freak like that. I don't like interacting with wild flying rodents. EW! Yes, birds kinda gross me out. And for good reason.

My rant on unequality in pay

2006-06-06T09:31:00.000-04:00

I have usually worked in predominantly male fields.

In high school, I worked as a basketball supervisor where I was paid less than my male counterparts (I got paid $7/hr, whereas they got paid $8.50... a HUGE difference when you're 16), and then I worked summers while in college as a professional mover. Did you hear that? Yeah, I was a mover. I found myself discriminatedagainst frequently, and despite my abilities, I was constantly undercut. I would give 110%, and the guys could give 50%, and they would get more money. Yes, I realize that guys can lift more than I can, but its amazing what someone can do with a dolly these days.

Now, I work with the navy where I am one of 4 women in an office of 44 men. Although I have a college degree, I have watched 2 men be promoted above me that do not have a college degree. One of them didn't even graduate from high school. And, yes, I am the lowestpaid employee in my office. I know because I'm in charge of those records.

To move on, I took various courses during my college studies that focused on women's role in society. Unfortunately, the unequalityof our payscales is not something up for debate. Its a fact. And it goes back as far as the ages.
See Leviticus 27:1-4.

I've heard many men complain that women are given special treatment. I think that's ridiculous. I've never asked for any of my employers to go out of their way for me. Actually, when I moved up to the DC area I applied for a job as a mover since I already had experience, I figured it would be a breeze. Boy, was I wrong. Two places I applied to wouldn't even consider me since I'm a woman. Yes, I probably could've sued them or something, but instead I gave up and joined the ranks of waitressing.

I did a quick search on average pay scales for women vs. men and this is what I found:

Position/Industry Female /Male
Accountants $85,375 /$119,314
Accountants (1-5 years experience) $72,534 /$94,314
Advertising Account Executive $49,000/ $56,000
Allergists or Immunologists $190,983/ $254,289
CEO, Health Care $152,673/ $195,783
Lawyer $73,476 /$84,188
Government/Lobbying, Nonprofit $73,907 /$96,655
Managing Editor $55,983 /$62,574
Neurological Surgeons $337,031/ $487,000
Reference Librarian,
0-5 years experience $38,399 /$39,958
Retail Store Sales $19,864 / $31,148
Teachers $42,848 /$46,956
Web infrastructure $69,850 /$87,750
Average Full Time Employee $97,071 /$127,379

Note. Salaries vary by industry and include medians,
total compensation, average base, average total including salary and bonus. http://www.womenof.com/Articles/cb_12_7_052.asp

See, its not just me. Its everyone. Oh well.

Virginian, I am

2006-06-05T15:26:00.000-04:00

Yep, my home state did this:
http://www.nbc4.com/education/9321789/detail.html

Poor kid.

Because I'm an idiot

2006-06-03T01:16:00.000-04:00

I went over to a friend's house tonight and managed to make an utter fool of myself. Why is it when I find a guy remotely attractive I act like moron around him? I hate that. That about sums up the night. Oh, that and a 43-year-old divorcee totally hit on me. Yep. My life officially sucks.

What I hate

2006-06-02T12:21:00.000-04:00

As I was sitting at work this morning, I came to realize the small annoyances in my life that love to add stress to my day. We all have them, I'm sure of it. But as I sat staring at another screwed up excel spreadsheet, these annoyances almost drove me to my breaking point. So, here I am, relieving my small annoyances.

I hate that my supervisor knows absolutely nothing about Microsoft Excel or Word. He attempts to do things on his own, only to call me and have me redo it all.
I hate that when this happens he waits to call me until one minute before I'm supposed to leave for the day.
I hated how short my hair was after my last haircut so I haven't gotten it cut since.
I hate that I can never trust hairdressers. Its like they've never seen curly hair before!
I hate that time when my highlights have grown out and I can totally see the line of the growthage (is that a word?). I also hate this on other people, especially people with straight hair, thus making it that much more obvious.
I hate Stupid Dan that stops by my desk everyday and can't seem to take a hint to shut up and go away. I never should've gone out with him that one time. Okay, twice. But the first time it was a White Stripes concert (10th row!) and the second time it was restaurant week in DC. Who am I to turn down a good normally expensive but temporarily cheap meal?
I hate that I can't get a date with a guy in his 20's. The 30+ men love me. As do the black guys.
I hate the way I look in a bathing suit. It doesn't matter how much you pay for the bathing suit just because it says miracle on the tag, don't expect one. It doesn't shrink your thighs overnight. Unfortunately.
I hate when people take pictures of me in my bathing suit, with bad hair and no makeup. That's just cruel. Can you say "blackmail material"?
I hate the way I walk in 4 1/2 inch heels. I can't walk nearly as gracefully as I can in 3 1/2 inchers.
I hate that even when a date doesn't go that well, the guy still doesn't call. Jerk!
I hate that everything that tastes so good is SO BAD for you.
I hate my job.
I hate my boss.
I hate all but 3 people I work with.
I hate living in a basement where I get no natural light at all... but I do love having my own bathroom.
I hate that the most adorable (but uncomfortable) shoes are the most expensive.
I hate that target clothes fall apart after 3 washes.
I hate that I wear sunblock so I don't get burned, but in the process, it also prevents me from getting any kind of tan.
I hate that I'm supposed to just accept that all guys check out other girls despite the fact they're in a perfectly loving relationship with a beautiful girl. I think that's crap.
I hate that I love Lindsay Lohan. I just can't help it.
I hate The Turkey Man (the vendor who sells food across the street from my office... ugh). Pass the Pepto.
I hate that I don't make more money. Budgeting isn't one of my strong points.
I hate that Grey's Anatomy killed off Denny. Yes, I'm still bitter.
I hate that all the good shows just take the summer off. I mean, they give us a great season finale and then nothing. What are we supposed to do all summer?!
I hate that I don't have a window in my office. Its just unnatural.
I hate that when I take the escalator up or down from the metro my hands are always covered with a mysterious black goo that doesn't come off with the antibacterial hand wash I keep in my purse. What is that crap anyways?
I hate it when guys flirt with me and then don't ask me out. I don't like to waste my good flirting on a dead end.
I hate church dances. They're always lame. And the guys are stupid. I've found its just better for my self esteem if I don't get asked to dance at all. Why, you may ask? Because if a big dork asks me to dance then I'm thinking, "is this really the best I can get?" When a good looking guy asks me to dance I'm thinking, "I hate it when a guy pity-dances with me." On the off chance that a normal guy asks me to dance (its happened once in 6 years), he never asks for my number and I never see him again. So, in the end I'd rather not dance at all. I feel better about myself that way. I know, I'm mental.
I hate it when I lose service on my cell phone for any reason. I pay them so I can make a call anywhere. Can you hear me now? NO!! Yeah, Verizon, kiss my butt!

Okay, I think I need to stop now. This could go on forever. I sound like quite the pessimist, don't I? I'm not. HONEST! It's just the end of a rough week... it feels good to get it off my chest.

My first kiss

2006-06-01T09:24:00.000-04:00

I wasn't unpopular in junior high or high school. I dated a couple of boys, but I never could let them kiss me. I didn't understand why, I just didn't let it happen. Many had tried, but all had failed. I had become quite the escape artist when it came to avoiding the dreaded kiss.

I was 15, I had started "hanging out" with a guy, Andy, that I had met at the Youth Conference over the summer. I use the term "hanging out" because I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, so he and I would get together in groups, thus we were never alone. We had been hanging out for a couple of weeks, and he suggested that we go to the local fair. I was up for it, so we met a group of friends there and did all the ghetto fair rides. It was getting late, but Andy insisted that we do the ferris wheel. I protested (I'm afraid of heights) but eventually gave in. So, it was just the two of us. The ferris wheel gets to the top.... and stops. Yes, it stopped.

I'm looking around frantically, convinced that something has gone wrong and we'll have to jump. At that moment, as we sat at the very top of the ferris wheel something miraculous happened. Fireworks went off. Literally. It took my breath away. I sat there staring at the fireworks, knowing that no one had a better view. I looked over at Andy, he took my hand.... he leaned in.... and I gave him the shaft. Yeah, it would've been a perfect moment in time, but I shafted him. To this day, I'm still not sure why I did that. Needless to say, we "broke up" a few weeks later. We were together 3 months and that poor boy never got any lip action out of me. My Virgin Lips remained intact.

Okay, here's the honest to goodness story. While I was in college, I worked the summers as a camp counselor with a camp that was run by my church educational system called Especially for Youth. The counselors were single young adults between the ages of 19-26. Each week every girl counselor was assigned a guy counselor to be in a partnership. Together we were expected to care for 18-25 kids between the ages of 14 and 18. I was working at a camp based in SW Virginia, I had been working a couple of weeks and had already gotten to know most of the counselors. Every, we would each chose a C.O.W. (Crush of-the Week), usually another counselor or someone working at the campus. Well, I had developed two C.O.W.s, so I was keeping my fingers crossed that I would be paired up with one of them. And I was.

His name was Craig. He was shy and sweet, but after a week with me, he became loud and outgoing. He and I just fit. The way we taught and interacted complimented each other. It was amazing. The other counselors referred to us as the "perfect couple." Whenever we could steal a moment away from the kids, we would. We just walked around the campus, talked, held hands. I was in heaven. But it all came to a sudden stop at the end of the week because he was transferred to a camp in Kentucky and I was to remain there. I met his parents, we exchanged addresses and phone numbers and that was it.

He lived in New Jersey and went to school in Utah, and I was going to school in Virginia. It was doomed from the beginning. But we made it work. We talked on the phone every week. Emailed. We agreed to date other people since we obviously couldn't be together. I didn't date. He did. He got himself a girlfriend, but continued to call me regularly. When they broke up, I was the first person he called. He suggested we get together when he came home for the holidays. So we set it up. New Years in New York.

I drove up to New Jersey and stayed with his parents, we went on our first "official" date, where he took me to a movie, and to see the Jersey shore. He even bought me a Jersey hot dog. I was in my giddy mood, so I took my shoes off and ran down the beach. Yes, he thought I was crazy. When we went back to his house that night, I helped him elaborately wrap a Christmas present for his brother. Our time together was a bit stiff, we didn't even touch.

The next morning, we hopped on the train for NYC. As we ran up the stairs from the station into the city, a bum on the street said, "You all look like something straight from a movie." My heart skipped a beat. I felt certain he meant a romantic comedy, in which we'd live happily ever after. As the day progressed, he took my hand, we cuddled in Central Park. We saw all the sights and around 5 we went to Times Square to begin the long wait for the big countdown. We stood with strangers and laughed and had a great time. We took pictures and called all our friends to rub in their faces that we were in Times Square. We stood for hours and had to lean against each other for strength. I wore his sweatshirt. I thought this was it.

After hours of waiting, the final countdown began. As soon as the ball dropped, tons of confetti was dropped over the crowd like a blanket. He turned to me, and said, "Well, don't I get a kiss?" My heart jumped into my throat as I got on my tip toes and kissed him. Just a peck. But it was all I had ever imagined a first kiss could be. Fireworks went off inside of me. As I pulled back, this is what I saw:

I didn't realize until later that he had been shocked by my prudence. Then he grabbed my hand and we ran 20 blocks to the train station.

I had my perfect moment in time. It was all I could've ever hoped for. I don't regret a moment of it. I didn't lose my VL until I was 21, and I'm so glad that I waited for my perfect moment.

20-Something Peter Pan

2006-05-31T09:23:00.000-04:00

That's me. And I'm proud of it. I never want to grow up! I may have adult responsibilities, but I'm no grownup. Grownups are fuddy duddies. I know people that are my age that are grownups, but I know people in their 40's who haven't grown up yet. That's how I hope to be. I went home to be with my family last weekend. I never turn down an opportunity to go to the lake and waterski. My cousin is 13, we've always been very close. I remember years ago when my sister got married (I was 17 at the time), my cousin announced that my sister was a grown up. As I sat at the kid table at Thanksgiving, I longed to be a grownup. What did I have to do to become a grownup?

Now, I've realized its not all its cracked up to be. Grownups sit with other grownups and have grownup conversations. You know, politics, religion, and the weather. I'll stick with the kid table where we can get away with throwing food (not really, we get caught, but then we blame it on the youngest one.)

Yeah, so I've decided to never grow up. Back to last weekend... as I was splashing around with my cousins and their friends in the lake, not a one of them over 13, they commented on how I wasn't a grownup. They said I was too weird to be a grownup. Oh well. When I was 21, my cousin said that you became a grownup when you got married. I tried to make sense of it. That means my sister was a grownup at 19, but my aunt didn't become a grownup until she was 32. Hm... my sister was grownup in 1999, whereas my aunt didn't grow up until 2000. Amazing.

So, if I want to stay a kid forever (anyone else hearing the Toys R Us theme song?), all I have to do is avoid marriage? I doubt its that easy. I've met some single grownups. I think it comes from bitterness and a lack of a sense of humor. You've officially become an old fart when you can't laugh at yourself.

In the meantime, I'll continue in my immaturity. Perfectly happy. After all, things could always be worse...

What's not to love about Frank?

2006-05-30T11:34:00.000-04:00

Yes... I love him. Frank, that is. I find him soothing. I listen to him while in traffic, at work, or even just chilling. He's perfect for all occasions. I fell in love with him the first time I saw Guys and Dolls. And he is forever in my heart.

My uncle suggested this is the reason old men like me. Yes, old men... as in any man over the age of 35. I didn't realize that Frank was a singer for single men over 35 only. Why didn't anyone tell me before I fell in love with him?

Besides Frank, I'm also a big fan of Gene Kelly, Bing Crosby, Howard Keel, and Debbie Reynolds. Yes, my first childhood crush was on Benjamin (Jeff Richards) from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Actually, my older sister and I would fight over him. I insisted that I was Darkess (the girl pictured here). Where my sister always told me I had to be Sarah and marry Frank. Big sister suck like that. I mean, I never saw Sarah in anything but Seven Brides, whereas Darkess became Cat Woman in Batman. How cool is that?!

Yes, so I was brought up to love fictional characters. Not just any fictional characters, but fictional characters played by actors that were at least 60 years my senior. I guess my mom thought it was safer that way. Most likely. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find a poster of Jeff Richards in 1990... you know, before Al Gore invented the internet. I never got one. But I managed to survive and move on to New Kids on the Block and MC Hammer. Aw... those were the days.

Blue Balls Won't Kill You!

2006-05-25T08:16:00.000-04:00

As odd as it sounds, its absolutely true. My roommate and I were talking yesterday about men and dating. Everytime I've really dated a guy, he's tried to go farther than I would like, and then he acts as though I'm asking the world of him when I tell him to stop. Celibacy isn't a fatal disease, you won't die from it! Actually its quite the opposite. Its not the NOT having sex that will kill you, its the having of sex that will kill you. I'm at no risk for AIDS or any STDs. Its wonderful! And believe it or not, if I die tomorrow or in 80 years, I can guarantee its not the lack of sex that will kill me.

Guys always claim they're different. They have different needs. The whole-men-are-from-mars-and-women-are-from-Venus excuse. Yeah, whatever. Do you think I'm not horny every now and then? That I don't long to be held when I go to bed at night? I could just settle for a cuddle buddy and a friend with benefits, but that's not what I want. Like Carried said in Sex and the City, "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,
can't-live-without-each-other love."

I don't want a one night stand, I want forever. I want someone that I can't live without. I want someone that will be my whole world and I'll be his. Yes, every now and then I would love a NCMO, but where does that leave me? Still horny and all alone. I want to be loved. Have I ever been in love? I don't know. Once I thought I was, but it ended. Sometimes I lie awake at night wondering if I'll be alone forever. I never thought I'd be where I am now. My friends used to tell me to enjoy the single life, its all over once you get married. They aren't saying that anymore. They're too busy setting me up with every semi-decent guy under the age of 45. Yeah, and my mom's 46. I'm sick of being alone. I want someone to care if I wake up in the morning. Don't I deserve that?

I went to the opera last night with my roommate, because we're artsy like that. We began talking about my date from the other night. Yeah, it turns out 35-guy isn't so much 35. We actually have no idea how old he is. Her guess: 38. Yeah, that's old. He was a teenager when I was born! I mean, if blue balls could kill, he'd definitely be dead. I haven't heard from him. I guess that's to be expected. I mean, it wasn't a great date in my book.

I talked to quite a few of my friends about the whole "checking out" problem he had. My guy friends claim its not a big deal, that guys do it all the time, the girls say... drop him. Talk about a clash of the sexes. Guys believe its acceptable, girls believe its not just socially unacceptable, its just plain wrong.

After the date, I found it hard to sleep. I kept thinking of how my life would be if I ended up with someone that constantly looked at other women. Would I ever be able to trust him? Would I ever be enough for him? I decided that I can't go through life that way. I can't handle being ignored everytime a pretty girl walks by. I want to be his everything. The one he can't take his eyes off of. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps, but I don't want to settle for less and I don't think I should have to.

Its hard to catch my breath

2006-05-24T08:33:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was such a long day. In the end, I was just glad to see it end. Work was normal. I got hit on by every black guy within a mile radius of me. I went to the gym where I was frustrated because of my immobile wrists. My trainer just fueled my frustration. I had so much to do, I just couldn't stop and breath.

On my way home from the gym, I listened to my voicemails. My mom had called saying that my childhood cat died. I cried. What else am I supposed to do? I hate that I wasn't there to say goodbye. We've had her since she was 6 weeks old and now she's gone. She was only 12 years old. It came as a shock to all of us. My sister took her to the vet Monday and it looked good, then all of a sudden she crashed and then she was gone. My mom said it was horrific to watch. Of all of our cats, Tammy was the meanest. She didn't liked to be touched and would try to bite you if you tried. But she was the protector. She watched over the house and my mom and baby brother. When my stepdad became abusive, she pooped all over his clothes. She was so smart. I never knew cats could be so smart. She could open doors and turn on lights. One time she got locked in our basement for a few days and when we found her, she had refused to pee or poop on the floor and had used the sink instead. So smart. She was beautiful as well. She also was my mom and baby brother's favorite. She always tried to get into the house. She succeeded quite a few times. When she did, my mom would run around the house looking under all the furniture yelling, "Tammy, where are you?" So now everytime one of us looks under a bed or gets on our hands and knees, my brother starts saying, "Ta-mmy, where aa-rre you?" Its completely adorable. He won't be able to understand that she's gone so I'm sure he'll continue to do it. He always chased her around the backyard, trying to pet her. I don't know why she was his favorite, but she was. She always ran from him and tried to bite him most of the time, but he persisted and refused to be swayed by our other oh-so-nice cats. I feel horrible that I've never been with my mom when she's put down any of our animals. I've never watched death. I think its too much of a grownup thing. I know you all are probably bored to tears by this. I'm sorry. But she was family and now she's gone.

Yeah, so after getting the news that Tammy died, I wasn't exactly excited for my date. I had to run my roommate around since her car died and then I had to visit a girl from church. By the time I got home, it was 7:45pm and he had already arrived. I was still in my gym clothes. Yeah, so I hustled and got ready in 10 minutes (impressive if you ask me). We went to dinner at TGIFridays. We were just talking but I was continually annoyed because he checked out every girl that walked by our table. No wonder the guy is still single at 35! It totally drove me crazy! I doubt he even realized he was doing it, but it must have happened at least half a dozen times or more. He flattered me but didn't show it in how he treated me. He didn't open doors for me (which honestly isn't a big deal... but I find it impressive when a guys does do it) and then he didn't have much of a plan. After dinner we just went to his place and played cards. He hadn't even cleaned his place. I've never seen such a barren fridge in my life! You know, I like him but the whole checking out other girls thing really got to me. Could I handle that for the rest of my life? No. Definitely not.

At the end of the night, he walked me to the door and I just said thanks and that was that. He didn't attempt anything (which I was afraid he would). So, I've been talking to my coworkers about the whole date, and they insist that he was checking out other girls because of his insecurities, it had nothing to do with me. I just don't know. He's a nice guy, but he got a C- on the date last night. Even if we don't go out again, I feel like he needs some coaching in the dating department. Yeah, he needs a guy like Hitch. Maybe I can help him. No more of this checking out other girls stuff. It makes me feel like crap. Thanks. Yeah, I'm usually a girl that doesn't hold my tongue, but last night I didn't comment on the checking out thing and now I wish I had. Maybe next time... if there is a next time. Oh well.

As my mom always says, "Life sucks then you die." Too true.

My weekend and update

2006-05-23T07:33:00.000-04:00

I always come out of the weekend more tired than I went into it. And boy, was it a long weekend. I got a little down and out about things, so do you know what I did to perk myself up? Go shoe shopping. How horrible am I?! Yes, I bought not one or two pairs... but FIVE. Yes, I have now officially ran out of shoe storage space. But I just couldn't help myself! How could I turn down a pair of green Nine west pumps with a 3 inch heel? And only for $25! Yeah... they're kinda like the ones here but in a forest green.

Besides that, 35-guy finally asked me out. I hadn't heard from him in over a week, but he said that he had attempted but I was never home (which is a good excuse because I never am and I never gave him my cell number). So, we're going out to dinner tonight. I don't want to get my hopes up. To be honest, I'm totally excited but I don't want to look it. After all, my roommate has already dated him and when I told her I was going out with him, I was surprised that she congratulated me. And then said she'd hurt him if he did anything to me. What a good roommate. More like a big sister actually. So, I'll report back on how the date goes. He was so cute when he asked me. We were chatting on the phone and he says, "So... I wanna ask you on a date date." It was very sweet. I'm assuming we're going to dinner because he said, "Bring your appetite." Yes, he's a big flirt, so it should be a fun time. But I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'm thinking of it as a pity date. As in, he took pity on me. We'll just have to wait and see.

After my last relationship, I've decided that I don't kiss until the third date. Funny, when I was younger, I would wait months. Yeah, no wonder I never had a boyfriend in high school. I'd date a guy for a month and he'd get bored with me. It wasn't until college I gave up on that one. But then I went the opposite direction. I'd kiss a guy before I even had figured out if I liked him. No more of that. I'm a changed woman. I mean, I haven't been on a date in 6 months. I'm turning a new leaf. And I'm gonna stick to it.

Yeah, Desperate Housewives season finale. Lame. I think I'm going to drop it next season.

I almost peed my pants!

2006-05-19T11:28:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I did... almost! I put a message on the a listserv that a couple of friends are on saying the following:

Let's just say that you, theoretically, have a wrist splint on each hand for a
very uncool reason... what's the coolest story (lie) you can come up with for
explaining your current theoretically ridiculous looking situation?
Theoretically, of course. Best story will get a prize... I dunno what, but I'm
sure I'll come up with something.

So, I've gotten a few responses. The following being the most amusing (wish I knew the guy... if he's hott, I'm totally marrying him!)

Here's a few ideas for openers for you:
So there I was, falling from the
helicopter, when I reached out and grabbed the edge of the Capitol dome with
both hands...
So there I was, on the sidelines, high-fiving every one of
the Baltimore Ravens on their way to the locker room...
So there I was, watching a gorgeous guy jog right by, and not wanting to let the opportunity go, (you know, 'carpe diem'), I grabbed him by both shoulders and yanked him back, yelling "Mine!"...
So there I was, knowing that I shouldn't be embarassed, that even the strongest Jedis get a little 'light-saber wrist'...
So there I was, three tugs away from breaking the county cow-milking
competition...
So there I was, with two brand new bionic cyberwrists, which I couldn't use yet because they needed 4 weeks to bio-integrate...
So there I was, handcuffed inside the Buried Water Trap of Death, having
successfully removed the chains and defeated the pirahnas, and running out of
air. I knew I had to get out of those cuffs quickly...
So there I was, swing dancing with Vin Diesel...
So there I was, rolling back the last of the beached whales into the sea, still no help in sight...

Yeah... I almost peed my pants! I read a few aloud to people at work. I was crying it was so funny! You wanna see something even more funny? Here's the keyboard the IT guy suggested I get: http://www.safetype.com/index.asp I have a feeling that will take some getting used to. Also, its like $200, so I'm not sure my company would be up for that. I've turned out to be a liability to my company! EEK!

So, here it is... very unexciting. I have Ulnar Tunnel. On both hands. How uncool am I? Yeah, I look absolutely ridiculous! Honestly, if I saw someone with wrist splints on both hands, I would make fun of them, because I'm nice like that. Yeah, so I'm ready for my friends to never let me live it down. No pictures please! I'm investing in long sleeves for the next couple of weeks. UGH!

Oh, any ideas what I should give the guy for his prize? Do you think my prize winning cookies will do it? Or should I offer a NCMO? hehe.

Busy busy busy

2006-05-18T12:14:00.000-04:00

Today is super busy! I haven't had a free moment yet today... its driving me crazy! So, I get to work at 7 only to find out the server is down so I can't do any work. I ended up shredding documents for over an hour waiting for it to be fixed. UGH! What a waste... I could've gotten another hour of sleep. But wouldn't you know that since the server was down, I'm runnning behind AND I have to leave work early to go to the doctor. I hate doctors. I don't hate them necessarily, I love them... as in I'd love to marry one. I hate going to the doctor all by myself. Being a grownup sucks!

I think a guy from the next office over is hitting on me. I'm not good at telling these things. He talks to me all the time, and then he sent me what I thought was a flirty email but I'm not sure. Sometimes I wish guys came with an instruction manual so I could figure out how to read them. Ugh!

My secret obsession

2006-05-17T10:45:00.000-04:00

Shh.... don't tell. Every Wednesday night I shut my blinds, lock my door, and .... watch America's Next Top Model. Yes, I know its trash! Yes, I know that Tyra is terribly annoying. But I love it! I know I'm not alone because I was talking to my aunt only to find out that ANTM was her guilty pleasure as well! I promise I'm not obsessed with TV! I don't park my butt in front of the TV for long periods of time, I'm an active, social 20-something. But I must watch ANTM. Its not because I'm bored or uneducated. I just like it. But PLEASE, don't tell me mother!

So, I've been pondering the whole "online dating" thing lately. I'm not desperate, not yet at least. But I've noticed that many of my friends are having great success with it. I have 2 friends from high school that met guys online and married them! And now, my best gal pal has a boyfriend in Atlanta that she met online. I've always been very cynical about online dating. To be honest, I thought it was only for desperate, ugly, fat women who couldn't get a date because guys rejected them before getting to know them. However, I've come to think its not like that anymore. There are smart, attractive women out there looking for a prince charming. Where is he?

I was talking to my best gal pal a few weeks ago on this subject. I couldn't help but ask if she would have been attracted to him if they had met over normal circumstances? Her answer: No. To be honest, I didn't think she'd admit to it, but she did. He's outgoing, she's shy, plus his pictures were somewhat deceiving. But they talked on the phone constantly so when they met for the first time 3 months after initial contact, she knew him well enough that none of the physical stuff mattered. However, what if the shoe had been on the other foot? What if her picture had been deceiving? Would he have been as prone to keeping her? I doubt it.

The depths of despair

2006-05-16T08:54:00.000-04:00

I know its not normal to get attached to fictional characters, but I can't help myself. So, last night when Denny died on Grey's Anatomy, I cried. I sobbed. I loved him! The other girls I was watching with were actually happy he died. I can't imagine why! He was my ideal, except for the whole dying thing... and he's a little old for me. But still. I'm going to miss Denny. Call me crazy but I'd take Denny over McDreamy.

I'm ticked that the season is over. Why do they get the summer off? I still want to watch. How am I supposed to last all summer long without Grey's? I'm emotionally attached to all these characters. As Izzie said, "I'll never forgive you for making me love you!" *sniff sniff*... yes, I cried. And I continue to cry.

You know what I hate? People who talk through movie's or important shows. Or, even worse, people who mock what's going on in the program. Yeah, I almost took out my roommate last night because she kept mocking Grey's. NO ONE mocks Grey's. Grey's is sacred. Mock Desperate Housewives all you want, but don't mess with Grey's.

I'm not a freak. I don't normally get that attached to TV shows, but Grey's is different. Of all the shows I watch, I can't ever miss Grey's. Its the only show I watch live (everything else I record on the DVR and watch at my leisure). What am I supposed to do on Sunday nights now?

My devastation

2006-05-15T09:46:00.000-04:00

Because I'm a dork, I put in a blog counter so I know you've been looking at my blog. Yes, YOU! I'm fine with that. I don't think I'm very amusing, but if you find me in any way amusing, bonus!
My DVR didn't record last night's Grey's Anatomy. I was on the phone with my brother so I didn't notice until it was half way over. Words cannot adequately describe my despair. Luckily, Kelli filled me in on the missed details and I just got word from her that they are re-airing it tonight before the 2-hour finale. Yes, this means I will be parking my butt in front of the TV for 3 hours this evening. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself!

The weekend was fun. No one was there to greet me when I arrived. Bummer. I ended up sitting around my house for 2 hours waiting for someone to come home. Saturday we drove to my aunt's house in Lynchburg and had a Mother's Day dinner. It was fun seeing my cousins. I'm actually looking forward to Memorial Day with the fam. You know what I'm in desperate need of? A tan.... and a new bathing suit. I think I'm going to break down and buy a swimsuit online because I'm so cool. And I might breakdown and buy some tanning sessions because I can't stand my stark whiteness. Call me vain. Whatever.

My sister and her hubby are living with my mom for awhile (they aren't deadbeats, he's in med school and is doing a rotation there). So, my sister is enjoying having all the help with the new baby. Did I mention that I have a 2 year old brother? Well, I do. So, the house was LOUD! My sister with her screaming baby (he's cute but he screams) and my mom with Jammers that doesn't yet know how to do anything but yell. I love my baby brother Jammers more than I can express.

He's taken to calling everyone "Honey" (that's totally acceptable since we're in the South). Whenever he got upset, he'd walk around saying, "what, honey? what, honey?" Then he would throw something and say, "What did you do?" Kids are so amusing. I might have one afterall. But I guess the whole man thing would have to come first. Details details...

Confession: When I get bored at work, I look at shoes on the internet. Not just any shoes either. Terribly expensive shoes that I could never afford. Like these:
Yes, I spend my days lusting after the shoes of the wealthy, while I shop at DSW. I realize I have a shoe addiction but I've gotten it under control in the past few years. How? I've given myself a spending limit. I never pay more than $30 for a pair of shoes. Sound impossible? It isn't. My 50 pairs of shoes are proof of it! That's why I love DSW clearance. So, the next time you find yourself gazing at a pair of shoes longingly, knowing that you could take care of them better and appreciate them more than any of those rich women or wealthy cross-dressing men, think of me. You aren't alone.

raining... ticked... in a parking lot

2006-05-12T10:04:00.000-04:00

I had a rough day yesterday, yelled at everyone. Yeah, I was dying to speak to someone whose native language was English! I was lost, looking for an Advanced Auto so I could get a new windshield wiper because one of mine busted. It was raining, hard, so I had to use my windshield wipers and the broken one was scratching my windshield. Yeah, I was ticked. So, I called Advanced Auto and asked for directions, they were no help. They might have been if I could've understood ONE WORD they said! I ended up driving around parking lots for 45 minutes in the rain until I finally found them on my own. So, instead of going to the gym, I bought a windshield wiper.... but I needed to workout because I felt like punching someone. But I didn't. $19 for a winshield wiper seemed a bit much, but its beautiful! Its actually much better than the cheaper one I have on the driver's side. When that one breaks I'll buy the nicer one to match.

I went out to eat with my friend Erin, but there was no parking near the restaurant. And since she's doesn't live around me, she wasn't used to making illegal U-turns at the drop of a pin. I knew I should've driven! UGH! I was already frustrated from my earlier fiasco so I managed to yell at just about everyone within a 50 foot radius (the windows were down so they definitely heard me... and I feel no remorse... if they are being stupid, it is my right to point out their stupidity and lay on the horn).

Last night was movie night. It always is. Every Thursday a bunch of the girls come over and we watch a chick flick. We figure we need to get our fix before we spend our weekend out trying to get guys. Also, this way no guy of ours will ever have to sit through a recently released chick flick just because. Nope. I take care of the girls. Netflix is wonderful! So, last night it was Anne of Green Gables. A fabulously LONG movie. It didn't end until almost 11!

Another note, 35-guy hasn't called or emailed me in over a week. Perhaps I misjudged him. Oh well. His loss, right?

I'm having a much better day today. Probably because I started it off right. With Michael Buble and what's below. Love it, love it, love it! Its Bloody Cold!

I loved this! Just had to share it!

Drama Queen?

2006-05-11T12:21:00.000-04:00

Last night I went out to dinner with my friend Erin and then returned to my house to watch the line up. The ever important line up! Gilmore Girls (thank goodness for DVR), America's Next Top Model, and LOST. I couldn't miss a single one of them.

Well, as we were talking she commented on my dramatic lifestyle. I know I'm dramatic but do I make everyone think my life is nothing but drama? I mean, I have the most boring job in the world, I haven't been on a date in .... what year is it? Since December. Honestly, what she calls "drama" is me complaining about my broken windshield wiper. Yes, there's always something not right in my life, but isn't everyone like that?

Oh, but exciting! My roommate from my sophomore year of college just called me out of the blue yesterday. I haven't talked to her in years (yes, I'm a bad friend). Turns out she's moved right next to my home town and is working as a college professor. Weird, huh? I mean, professors are serious grownups. But on the upside, she wants me to apply for her old job in DC! It sounds like an amazing position, so I'm excited to see if anything comes of it.

I was seriously impressed that my old roomie called me. Once I haven't talked to someone for an extended period of time, I feel like I can't call them anymore. I mean, its not like I've forgotten them, but if I were to call them, they'd feel neglected and I'd have to apologize and play catch up, and then they'd think I was being stupid. Yeah, I've noticed that guys don't have this problem. They won't talk to a friend for 10 years, and then they want something outta the guy and they just call them up. I could never do that! I don't want my friends to think I'm using them (although I really want to). I guess its kinda a double standard. I don't mind when old friends call me up and need something, but I could never do it. I'm horrible.

2006-05-08T09:01:00.000-04:00

Last night I was uncontrollable. I got a bad case of the giggles. I was over at my friend Mary's house and there was a new guy I'd never met, thus I had to act like a complete and utter moron. I was fine most of the evening but then 9:00 hit and I just lost it. He would just look at me and I would go into laughing hysterics. I'd get myself calmed down and then my roommate would look at me and I'd lose it again. I knew I was being ridiculous but I couldn't stop myself. Cute guy will probably never talk to me again.

I guess it didn't help when I stuck my tongue out at him. Can anyone actually look attractive while sticking their tongue? I sure don't. Yeah, Frank.... he was cute. I'll probably never see him again so it doesn't really matter. Also, at one point he mentioned his divorce being final, but I couldn't figure out if he was just kidding or if he was serious. He's only 27, but he acted as though I was like 18. I hate that. He and I got into a few heated discussions throughout the night, I think I lost every single one. I'm not used to that.

Well, the weekend was uneventful. I washed my car BY HAND on Saturday, only to wake up on Sunday and it was filthy again. I hate that I have to park under trees. It dumps pollen and little seed thingies all over my car... and birds hang out in the trees so my car is always covered in bird crap. I hate that.

This is officially the most boring blog EVER! I guess this just goes to show how truly boring my life is. I have a phone interview this afternoon for a new job so keep your fingers crossed!

Who knew a corpse could walk?

2006-05-05T10:50:00.000-04:00

Is it wrong to look for a new job while acting as though you are happy in your current one? Well, that's what I'm doing. My resume is out making its rounds and will hopefully result in an interview. Anywhere. but. here. 99% of my job is sitting around and doing absolutely nothing. Yeah, I know some people might think that this is the perfect job for that reason; however, not me. Do you know how slowly the day goes by when there's nothing to do? I mean, I obviously have a computer... but surfing the net is only amusing for so long. Yeah, so all-in-all, I'm bored.

I love Thursdays. Every Thursday night I have a bunch of girls over for Movie Night. Its a tradition we came up with months ago. Nothing but girls and chick flicks. The theory behind the whole thing is that we're trying to get the chick flicks out of the way before the weekend so we can actually go out on dates (which we don't... but the idea is there). Last night I had a record showing of 14 girls! That's quite a crowd for my little townhouse. We were watching Bride and Prejudice, a funny movie based on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I LOVED IT! It was SO funny. I highly recommend it. So throughout the movie we all were on the edge of our seats, waiting for the big kiss.... and it never came. (Sorry to ruin the movie for you). As it turns out, the main actress in the movie is a traditional Indian and doesn't believe in kissing before marriage. Yeah, I feel like a skank!

Okay, I'm not a skank, just so you know. I've kissed two guys. That's not a lot. I guess you could say I was picky, except for the second guy.... he was horrible. He's the perfect example of who NOT to go out with when you are desperate. He's the type that takes advantage of the situation. It was fun for awhile but ended worse than.... than.... anything I've ever experienced. What it came down to was 1) he was REALLY looking for marriage and I wasn't, 2)he was insensitive and judgemental, 3)he had no self confidence, 4)he was socially awkward, and 5)he was a HUGE dork that turned out to be a jerk as well. He was my attempt to break the mold.

My mom told me when I was young to date the nerds because they'll adore you, they'll never cheat on you, and they'll be plenty wealthy. I had never tried it before I dated The Corpse. Yes, I loving refer to him as The Corpse. You might think this is a little harsh, but its not.

The Corpse and I met at church. I was new in the area and hadn't been on a date in almost 2 years (don't mock me!). He ended up coming by to visit me one night and we talked for an hour or so. He was intrigued by me since I was a music major, and he was a fabulous pianist. He had the ultimate boring but secure job of an accountant. He seemed smart, he had a Masters Degree, he was easy to talk to, I wasn't intimidated by him, so I accepted a date with him. In my favorite show, Sex in the City, they would refer to him as "good on paper"... which is very true. And you know what they say about good on paper? Bad in bed. Not that I would know, I just know that the kissing wasn't great. However, I was starved for affection, and he was dishing it out, so I took it, not knowing my own feelings for him. Turns out, I didn't like him that much. It made the breaking up process that much easier, right? Yeah, no.

I knew I had to break up with him when he brought up the "M" word. He was concered about a few of our differences, namely, he said he couldn't see himself with a girl whose mother was divorced (I could've punched him) and he didn't know where I stood in my faith (I wanted to kill him). I set him straight, which he found endearing (I hate it when guys think you're cute when you're angry). He said he was going to do some real "soul searching" about our relationship and he'd get back to me in a few days. I stormed into my house SO ANGRY. I cried, I yelled, I punched pillows. In the end I realized that he didn't have all the power in this "relationship," (personally, I think that term is a little strong for what we had... I was making out with him, he was trying to marry me. Not exactly equal.) Yeah, so the next day I asked him to come over and I told him that we were in two very different places in our lives, it just wouldn't work. You know the drill.

Now, the average guy would've just taken this, said okay, and left. Not The Corpse. He cried. Sobbed actually. It was sadly pathetic. However, being that I try to be a nice person, I comforted him which he took as "nevermind, I take it back"... I guess this means I have no spine whatsoever. Yeah, so we got back together after he promised to do a lot of changing. We went out that weekend and had a good time. He asked to see me on Sunday, so I said okay. Yeah, well Sunday came and things were bad. Awkward bad. At the end of the evening he takes me to the side and says, "I've been thinking about what you said, and you're right. We should just be friends." And that was that. I said "Sure!" probably a little too enthusiastically and left. A nice clean break. Until he asked me out again about 2 months later. I broke down and went out with him only to have to horrible evening of trying to fend him off. Also, that night he put me through the "wife interview". He asked about my finances (none of your business), where I wanted to live after marriage (none of your business), how many children I wanted (none if they're yours), and where I saw myself in 5 years (not barefoot and pregnant standing in your kitchen, thats for sure). He made all the smooth moves he could come up with and I was able to dodge them all. I spoke to him two days later and told him the "just friends" thing is where we were staying.

Months later, he was attempting to date one of my new friends. I didn't speak badly of him since I believe that he needs to have a chance. (I honestly believe that if I told girls all I know of him, NO ONE would go out with him... I'm not that cruel. We need to get rid of him in the dating pool... he has to marry someone and leave the rest of us alone.) So, The Corpse and I were polite to eachother since we had mutual friends and bumped into eachother frequently at social gatherings. One night I went to my new friends house (The Corpse wasn't there) and a bunch of us were swamping breakup horror stories. I obviously had to talk about my breakup but I didn't use his name. I had a good time and went home happy as a clam. Well, just minutes after I arrived at home, The Corpse calls me. He says that he doesn't appreciate me talking badly about him and that if I don't stop he was going hurt me like no one had hurt me before. Not his exact words, but the threat was sincere. I freaked out. I was so scared. He called back minutes later to apologize and I was an emotional wreck! I was sobbing and shaking all over and couldn't manage to control my emotions. When I was finally able to speak I told him to go to hell and never talk to me again. And it worked. He never has spoken to me again. That night I did something that might be though of as odd, but I found it very therapeutic. I wrote an obituary for him. And now forever after he will be known as The Corpse.

My friends and I still bump into The Corpse on occassion, but we ignore him and the only thing we say is "its so weird to see a walking corpse." Yeah, there is no life after me. At least not for him. My friends are loyal, so he's been officially black listed. No more dates for him from anyone I know. I love it.

*I actually am a nice person. I just refuse to put up with mean people.

Dating Age Bracket

2006-05-04T12:12:00.000-04:00

My roommate is 32 and I've become friends with many of her friends despite our age gap. They're fun and laid back, not at all how I envisioned 30-somethings to be. They're like me, only older. Makes me want to grow up to be like them, you know? Well, recently we had a group of the 30-somethings over to our house and lets just say that I was the belle of the ball. I've developed a sorta friendship with one guy in particular. He's nice and we've gone dancing a few times. We're flirty friends. He compliments me constantly, I tease him about checking out my boobs (yes, I know, I'm SO refined). I can make him blush at the drop of a pin. Its great! Such power.

Anyway, recently this guy has been calling quite a bit. He calls our house phone (which we never use because we all have cell phones) and talks to my roommate for awhile and then asks her to hand off to me. I just think that is awkward. I mean, he used to date my roommate. They weren't hot'n'heavy or anything, just a few dates and then they've been friends ever since. But I feel like I'm in a bad situation. He called again last night. He spoke to my roomie for like 10 minutes and then she handed him off to me. It was like 10:30pm at this point so I obviously couldn't talk long (I have a job... hello!), but he and I talked for like 30 or 40 minutes. It was fun and flirty. He ended the conversation by saying we should get together next week (he's out of town this weekend) and I said sure. Here's the problem... he's 35. And there's another problem... my roommate. I love her, we're like sisters and I would never do anything to hurt her. She's dated this guy. They've been friends awhile. I haven't been exactly up front with her about what's going on (although nothing is going on as of yet). So, I'm afraid she'll be bitter because I went fishing in her small dating pool. In my defense, I never meant to go fishing. Its like the fish are just jumping in the boat. I don't even have any bait! So, this is my dilemia. What is my dating age bracket?

A few weeks ago I was talking to my best friend about this same guy and she said he was in my age bracket... which I disagreed with. Then she reminded me that I'm not 18 anymore. When does age stop to matter? When do we throw ages out the window and just date whoever? I wish I knew.

Having to do with this guy... its not the first time an older guy has liked me. I don't know what it is about me that older (as in 30-something or even older) guys find so attractive. Black guys love me as well. Latinos too! When I was just barely 18, I dated a guy the summer before I went to college. He was the type of guy that I just knew I could have if I chose to. Maybe you aren't familiar with the type. For some reason, girls (I'm assuming we all have it) have this innate intuition about men. We know when one is attracted to us or has the potential to be. Usually these guys are a little below our normal dating curve, but when we are lonely we tend to resort to these guys. This was just such a case. I batted my eyes at him and he was hooked. Our first date lasted 10 hours! (I wouldn't suggest this to most people... it started at 7pm, you do the math. Just to note, my mom didn't have a strict curfew, but then again, I never did tell her what time I came in.) After our first few dates, he starts to spill his guts to me. I come to find out that he's 30, divorced, living with his parents, and in high school fathered a child that was put up for adoption.

It was a little much for my pre-college self. I had assumed he was like 23. Yeah... NO! I tried to stop seeing him. I even tried to break up with him quite a few times but for some reason, it never stuck. He adored me... and I love to be adored. By the end, I knew it couldn't last because I was embarrassed to be seen in public with him. I know this sounds shallow, but honestly, if you can't stand to be seen with him, what kind of future does the relationship have? Yeah, ultimately I broke up with him the night before I left for college. It went something like this:

Him: Well, I'm going to miss you so much! I need your address so I can come up and visit.
Me: Uh... I don't know if offhand.
Him: Okay, just give me your dorm phone and I'll call you and we can plan it out.

(at this point I've having visions of this 30-something showing up in my college dorm and seeing all my roommates and friends reactions... yeah, no!)

Me: Yeah, about that. I don't want to leave any loose ends down here.
Him: What?
Me: When I come home, I'll be coming to see my family. I don't want to have anyone else pining for my time. I'm sorry.

Then he just stands there, looking hurt. I'm feeling like the biggest jerk ever. But that did it. He was gone. Years later I ran into him working as a manager of a smoothie shop. Guess I dodged that bullet. Phew.

I was having self-esteem problems last night, thinking I wasn't good enough for 35-guy. I woke up this morning and felt like a fat blob. I dressed as such and went to work where there are nothing but men. I guess its one of the perks (if you could call it that) of my job. My office is 40 men, 4 women... too bad the men are like ages 45-60. One of the employees from an offsite office is here on an errand and starts talking to me. Leroy. He's probably upper 30's, big black guy. He obviously likes me. When he leaves, I have to run get the parking pass from him out in front of the building. He pulls up and gives me the pass then asks me if I'm married. I'm use to these kind of questions. I say no. He then asks if I'm dating anyone (at this point, I notice his wedding ring), so I say kinda. He looks me over and then says, "Well, you tell him he's one lucky guy. If he ever gives you any grief, you come and see me!" I laugh and say thanks.

Yeah, this is my typical work day. Hit on constantly, its great for the self esteem (it solved my self esteem problem for the day), but why don't the white guys hit on me? 35-guy is white, but he's older. I wish I could just meet someone in my age bracket... oh yeah, what's my age bracket?

This is me, take it or leave it

2006-05-03T12:27:00.000-04:00

I'm a twenty-something single female living in D.C. and trying to survive the best way I know how. I was raised in the South and came to DC to see if I could make a life for myself. I've never been in a long-term relationship, yeah, no boyfriends, ever! I'm a recent college grad and I'm pining for college life. (I knew I should've been a teacher... summers off, a couple weeks for Christmas... ah, that was the life!) Not that I loved college, I definitely wasn't a huge partier but I found ways to have a good time despite the fact that I don't drink and I'm celibate. Yeah, no drinking, no smoking, no sex... I guess the jig is up, I'm LDS (aka... a mormon).

I'm really outgoing and I love being with people... yeah, I have no idea how I got involved with the government. I just kinda fell into it after college. I needed a job, they offered, I took it. So now here I am! My family all live within driving distance so we're all super close which can sometimes make things a bit.... interesting. I have a large group of friends which consists almost entirely of girls. Girls outnumber guys here like 3 to 1, so my dating life is almost nonexistant. I said almost not completely, which means I still have hope.

My mom got married when she was 19, as did my older sister. My grandmother and all my aunts got married before the age of 24, so I'm officially the old maid of the family. They think I'm quite the career woman since I have a nice place to live in the city, get a decent paycheck, and support myself entirely. Yeah, all this is impressive since I graduated with a degree in music. Lets just say, I didn't think I'd ever be where I am now. I just assumed I'd be one of those girls that got swept off her feet in college by a handsome young man and we'd live happily ever after... I'd get my degree *just in case* but I'd never have to work. I'd just stay home and take care of all the wee ones. Yeah, that's no happening any time soon. So here I am.
I went home to visit my mom about a year ago and went to church with her. I had an old lady I've known forever approach me and ask me about my "big city life"

OL: Oh, you're such a pretty girl, are you married yet?
Me: No.
OL: Hm... engaged?
Me: No.
OL: Well, I bet you have yourself a fella, don't you?
Me: No.
OL: Are you dating anyone?
Me: No.
OL: Are you interested in anyone?
Me: No.
OL: Are you a lesbian?
Me: No, but that's an option I hadn't considered.

Yeah, she hasn't spoken to me since. The heathen that I am! But my life continues.